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Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/2/2011 8:34:20 PM   
RopePlease


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/15/2011
Status: offline 		Background


So i've recently decided to try play partners while im figuring out what i like and don't like. The problem i was having was most of the men i was coming across, defined play much differently than i did. In another forum i made a post about asexual play. Some people suggested that instead of saying asexual, to say non-sexual. But there was arguement that the play may arouse you, but you may not want to HAVE sex. I also got a lot of replies asking me to define play, i hadn't thought i needed to, but it turns out that many people feel some kind of way about the word 'play'. It was an awesome thread.


After taking things into consideration, and totally revamping my profile both here and another popular kinky website, a good friend of mine asked me if i considered playing (by my definition) with a gay male top? I said, no i hadn't, but that it sounded like a really good idea.


My questions are as follows:


Has anyone else tried this, or considered this? Have you had any success with it? The questions isn't only for homosexual males, it's open to all orientations. =]

Thanks everyone!

~Birdy

_____________________________

~Birdy
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RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/2/2011 8:47:50 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		No. I haven't considered it. This stuff is totally sexual to me, so I would only play with a woman who I am seriously involved with. Nobody gets into my pants without the romance.

(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/2/2011 9:39:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		For me this is all about a relationship so it's not something I ever considered. If you're not looking for a relationship or sex though I suppose it could work.

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Everything has changed

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RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/2/2011 9:43:33 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Yeah, it just sounds incredibly frustrating. (to me)

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/2/2011 10:53:47 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		While I havent tried it, I can see the possibilities.

For example, a married woman wanting to get her masochistic side on without the worry of having to have sex with the Top.

Gay male Top,... maso sub woman.... no jealous hubby...

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to RopePlease)
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RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/3/2011 5:58:17 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		It's not something I would seek out, but if asked to bottom to a gay male, or vice versa to top a gay male, I'm not sure it would really do it for me. I could be sadistic, I could do the mechanical stuff, but I don't know if I would enjoy it the same way that I enjoy the exchanges I get inside a relationship, or even just a 'play' experience with someone I knew would be attracted to me and what i was doing. I think the lack of attraction would probably make me feel more like a fetish delivery system.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
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RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/3/2011 7:05:02 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I have had this conversation with many people and I never understand why it confuses many to remove sex from the equation. There are actually some people that do these things that we do not to get off sexually but for other reasons all together.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to RopePlease)
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RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/3/2011 9:52:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It wouldn't work for me, because bondage to me is sexual. But for those who can separate their pain needs from their sexual needs then playing with someone you don't view as a possible sexual partner will widen your pool of prospective tops.

So as a straight female, you could also consider a domme for topping purposes.

However, if you go to play parties in public dungeons, sex usually isn't permitted so you could ask anybody to top you and then go home alone.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

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(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
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RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/3/2011 10:31:41 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

However, if you go to play parties in public dungeons, sex usually isn't permitted so you could ask anybody to top you and then go home alone.


and masturbate

While I was looking for a serious relationship in which I would have kink+sex, I did have a few relationships in which there was kink but no intercourse. This helped me learn what I like and don't like kink wise.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/3/2011 12:40:46 PM   
Wizard28


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, I've had the same conversation & Confusion. I play both ways, sexually and nonsexually. For one thing, I've played a lot in public forums, clubs like the Lair for example, where sex isn't allowed. For another, when I was married (To a very nice lady who lost interest in play after a couple of years) I found that while I was having great sex with my wife, I couldn't stand doing without BDSM. So I found women who were in the same position, married to vanilla guys, and played with them in motels. We didn't screw; I'd go home and nail my wife.
These days I also make two or three bondage videos a month, professionally; and we don't screw the models. It's not just a hangup on my part, but also a condition our wholesaler insists on - no penitration.
Possibly as a result of all that, even with my 24/7 M/s relationships, I tend to play and make love at different times. Feels OK to me, though I can certainly name a bunch of friends who always combine play with sex and wouldn't have it any other way.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I have had this conversation with many people and I never understand why it confuses many to remove sex from the equation. There are actually some people that do these things that we do not to get off sexually but for other reasons all together.


(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/4/2011 2:08:08 PM   
RopePlease


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/15/2011
Status: offline 		thanks everyone for your replies. I know to some it would be frustrating to not have sex with someone, or to even play with someone that isn't sexually attracted to you.



I do hear those that understand sex can be taken out of the equation. I feel, for me at least, it's the best way for me to figure out what i want, what i like and such, without having to have sex.

_____________________________

~Birdy

(in reply to Wizard28)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/4/2011 3:15:07 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RopePlease

thanks everyone for your replies. I know to some it would be frustrating to not have sex with someone, or to even play with someone that isn't sexually attracted to you.



I do hear those that understand sex can be taken out of the equation. I feel, for me at least, it's the best way for me to figure out what i want, what i like and such, without having to have sex.


I've said before that the gender of the paddler, caner or whipper doesn't matter to me. I play in dungeon without sex often. I simply love socializing and can be a demo bottom or service bottom (or top) when needed. I'll play with more than one as well.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/4/2011 6:02:55 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline 		It could definitely work. I am mostly straight and don't mind playing with another straight man.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to BurntKitty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/5/2011 2:15:11 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953

It could definitely work. I am mostly straight and don't mind playing with another straight man.


hmmm scratching my balls at this "mostly straight" Your statement falls into kinda pregnant, sorta married either you are or your not. Care to elaborate?

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to hangemhigh1953)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/5/2011 3:47:14 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		yeah, that sorta threw me too.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/5/2011 3:57:39 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		sexual orientation isn't always black and white for people... check out the work of Kinsey... for many people not on one end of the spectrum or the other... there is a lot of gray area... people tend to fall somewhere in a very wide spectrum

I'm one of them... I'm a dyke, without a doubt.. but I am occasionally attracted to a man.. doesn't mean I'm gonna marry him or tear up my dyke card

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/5/2011 4:00:26 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		To answer the OP... yep.. I know lots of people who do mixed orientation play, have long term relationships without sex... play without sex ...and even a few long term D/s situatons of mixed orientation and/or do not involve sex...

thing is... everyone's definitions of "sex" and "play" are likely to vary... just because I might get sexually aroused doesn't mean I have to have sex.. but it will still be "sexual" in a sense for me.. even if I'm not necessarily the same orientation as my play partner...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/5/2011 6:12:57 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

sexual orientation isn't always black and white for people... check out the work of Kinsey... for many people not on one end of the spectrum or the other... there is a lot of gray area... people tend to fall somewhere in a very wide spectrum

I'm one of them... I'm a dyke, without a doubt.. but I am occasionally attracted to a man.. doesn't mean I'm gonna marry him or tear up my dyke card


I have checked his work out... If you dig a little deeper you will discover his so called research style was flawed and did not conform to the standards at the time. In other words his peers determined his "study" has no basis in fact.

Basically his book is for entertainment purposes only

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 10/5/2011 6:16:30 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/5/2011 6:37:05 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Actually not quite.. while his work is not without controversy... it is still considered to have value...and even if you don't subscribe to Kinsey... sexual orientation is not black and white...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Gay male top~ straight female bottom. - 10/5/2011 10:20:55 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953

It could definitely work. I am mostly straight and don't mind playing with another straight man.


hmmm scratching my balls at this "mostly straight" Your statement falls into kinda pregnant, sorta married either you are or your not. Care to elaborate?

BadOne

I am open to playing with men but I am not attracted to them and do not want a relationship with one.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 20
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