Playing?

Playing? (Full Version)

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Missokyst -> Playing? (10/3/2011 10:25:52 AM)
I noticed on one of the other catagories that the word "PLAY" often seems to bring up a negative response. More than a few times I saw people stating, we are in a relationship. Ok.. Well, I have been in and out of relationships and for me at least, getting naked, tortured, strung up, beaten, bitten, tossed around, roughly fucked, forced, pinched, or having my mouth shoved down on a cock regardless of my need to breathe, that has been what I consider play. Why? Because it was not washing dishes, laundry, or serving dinner. It was something that was apart from the day to day stuff that keeps a household running smoothly. Being called into the headspace of becoming a human toy is play for me. I also call it play when I am doing this with men with whom I am not in a committed relationship with, even though there is no sexual penetration in casual activity. In a relationship it may be more intense (it is), more meaningful (it is), but I still think of it as play. I guess I am still a kid. For young ones play is fun learning. For me play is fun learning. Is bdsm activity, in or out of a relationship play for you? Why or why not?

GreedyTop -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 10:31:28 AM)
it's play to me, because it's FUN!!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 10:40:58 AM)
Right with you, Missokyst! What would it be, if not play?

myotherself -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 10:44:33 AM)
I love the way you stated this, Missokyst [:D] I get a bit snarky at times when people describe my lovemaking (which others might call a pretty brutal thrashing followed by rough sex of the nastiest kind) as 'play'...but you've made me rethink my view on that. For that, I thank you [:D]

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 10:45:27 AM)
i agree with you missokyst. if i'm going to make a point, i'll use the phrase "just play" -- not everyone is after a relationship. but when i was in a relationship, it was "play" then, too. or sex. or whatever.

littlewonder -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 10:54:21 AM)
I don't do anything outside a relationship...just does nothing at all for me. In a relationship though we might "play" from time to time but it's really not all that often. But when we do it's because both or one of us finds it fun. I think the word is seen in a negative light because it seems to be connected with people who go to play parties and will hop from one person to another and there's really not much else attached to it. It's seen as sorta loose and cheap.

LadyPact -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 11:02:04 AM)
I think I just came from that thread. [;)] Yes, I call it play and I call it that because it's fun. I tend to call it casual play so people know the difference between just S/m for a scene and something that is a more in-depth relationship or one that includes physical sex. A scene to Me doesn't have to be about a serious commitment beyond engaging in the activity with someone that you trust and ensuring that no harm is going to come to the participants and others that might be affected. It's not about love or sex. It's about S/m and enjoying the experience.

gungadin09 -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 11:04:24 AM)
i call it that because.. that's what it's called. i know no other word that would be as generally understood. pam

lizi -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 1:14:36 PM)
Since I was one of the people who said they didn't play here's why I said that. The two of us never set aside time for pain sessions only, we never do BDSM activities without sex. If we're naked and I'm getting hurt we're going to have sex so it seems weird to me to call it play when what it is here in my relationship is sex. I guess I say we have no 'play' to differentiate what we do from what others seem to do at times which is to have long drawn out sessions with each other that may not be sexual. As you said Missokyst, it's not laundry, or dishes, or serving dinner...its sex. It seems disingenuous on my part to label it as anything else. Calling it play seems to me to be perhaps BDSM interaction for the sake of BDSM - the BDSM is the intent. We don't do that. We do BDSM with the intent of having sex. It's not like I'm disdaining the word play, its more like I"m calling a spade a spade, which seems important in a world where so many have different activities and intents to their interactions with each other. I hope that makes sense, it did in my head...

lizi -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 1:19:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I think I just came from that thread. [;)] Yes, I call it play and I call it that because it's fun. I tend to call it casual play so people know the difference between just S/m for a scene and something that is a more in-depth relationship or one that includes physical sex. A scene to Me doesn't have to be about a serious commitment beyond engaging in the activity with someone that you trust and ensuring that no harm is going to come to the participants and others that might be affected. It's not about love or sex. It's about S/m and enjoying the experience. I underlined the quote above to show that this is the way I interpret the word play and I don't like to use it for describing what we do in my relationship, because we don't do that. We do it for the sex. Period. Just seems to be closer to the truth in calling it sex and not play although of course much of sex is play. I just always thought the word play was more or less set aside for the type of thing LadyPact outlined above. We don't do scenes, we don't include others, we're just at home bonking each other's brains out sometimes with pain and toys and whatever, but it seems to be not quite what play means. Our way it seems to be just two people getting it on.

fragilepieces -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 1:26:35 PM)
I've always said, 'played'.

Focus50 -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 2:25:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I noticed on one of the other catagories that the word "PLAY" often seems to bring up a negative response. More than a few times I saw people stating, we are in a relationship. Ok.. Well, I have been in and out of relationships and for me at least, getting naked, tortured, strung up, beaten, bitten, tossed around, roughly fucked, forced, pinched, or having my mouth shoved down on a cock regardless of my need to breathe, that has been what I consider play. Why? Because it was not washing dishes, laundry, or serving dinner. It was something that was apart from the day to day stuff that keeps a household running smoothly. Being called into the headspace of becoming a human toy is play for me. I also call it play when I am doing this with men with whom I am not in a committed relationship with, even though there is no sexual penetration in casual activity. In a relationship it may be more intense (it is), more meaningful (it is), but I still think of it as play. I guess I am still a kid. For young ones play is fun learning. For me play is fun learning. Is bdsm activity, in or out of a relationship play for you? Why or why not? I can relate - as a doer rather than a doee. "Play" is an inadequate description as it conjures up related words like "pretend". But as with many terms in the lifestyle, it's the one one most people know and there's a lack of something better or more accurate. As I ponder why this is in "Off Topic".... Focus.

RexDarcy -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 3:12:15 PM)
The word play brings to My mind things like Playstation, poker, board games, and card games. Those things can be fun, just as giving a beating can be, but the set of resposibilities along with the sadistic activities I enjoy moves those activities out of the realm of play in My mind.

Missokyst -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 3:27:28 PM)
I have never viewed play as loose or cheap I guess. Play is spontaneous, planned, enjoyable, something I think about when life spares me a moment. It is a rare thing for my mind to wander to work, or tasks.. but fun, enjoyment, relishing connection, play.. the kind of joy I got from riding rollercoasters or jumping off a swing.. only moreso. Play for me is not cheap, especially now that it is not as readily available. Loose? Not in my world. Cheap? lol lately I am wondering if it is something I would pay for. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder It's seen as sorta loose and cheap.

Missokyst -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 3:29:16 PM)
Yes, I also deferentiate things by calling it casual, or committed, and for me there is a huge difference. I just can't find a word to make it more "adult and serious". Perhaps because I don't see it that way. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I think I just came from that thread. [;)] Yes, I call it play and I call it that because it's fun. I tend to call it casual play so people know the difference between just S/m for a scene and something that is a more in-depth relationship or one that includes physical sex. A scene to Me doesn't have to be about a serious commitment beyond engaging in the activity with someone that you trust and ensuring that no harm is going to come to the participants and others that might be affected. It's not about love or sex. It's about S/m and enjoying the experience.

Missokyst -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 3:35:35 PM)
When in a relationship my sex is almost always BDSM driven. [:D] But holy smokes.. it is FUN. Rolicking pleasure and pain with a conundrum of omg why do I love this so much, coursing through my bloodstream. It is rare that sex was not some sort of marathon of events. [sm=line.gif] Definitely play by my estimation. quote: ORIGINAL: lizi If we're naked and I'm getting hurt we're going to have sex so it seems weird to me to call it play when what it is here in my relationship is sex. I guess I say we have no 'play' to differentiate what we do from what others seem to do at times which is to have long drawn out sessions with each other that may not be sexual. As you said Missokyst, it's not laundry, or dishes, or serving dinner...its sex. It seems disingenuous on my part to label it as anything else. Calling it play seems to me to be perhaps BDSM interaction for the sake of BDSM - the BDSM is the intent. We don't do that. We do BDSM with the intent of having sex. It's not like I'm disdaining the word play, its more like I"m calling a spade a spade, which seems important in a world where so many have different activities and intents to their interactions with each other. I hope that makes sense, it did in my head...

Missokyst -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 3:37:50 PM)
Hmm.. this is interesting. I never considered the responsibilities. It is possible that after so many years it has become ingrained. quote: ORIGINAL: RexDarcy but the set of resposibilities along with the sadistic activities I enjoy moves those activities out of the realm of play in My mind.

Missokyst -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 3:40:32 PM)
So far I have not found a word which would kick it up a notch in terms of maturity. Perhaps I should have started a topic asking what people might call it instead. Any suggestions? quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 it's the one one most people know and there's a lack of something better or more accurate. As I ponder why this is in "Off Topic".... Focus.[/font][/size][/color]

RexDarcy -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 4:09:47 PM)
Missokyst, the responsibilities are ingrained in Me as well but if I am working with a new sub / slave, I need to be able make those responsibilities as clear to her as they are to Me so there are no rookie mistakes.

hardcybermaster -> RE: Playing? (10/3/2011 4:11:34 PM)
why is important to define what you do in an intimate situation with your partner? It's just that thing you do and it's different every time so no one word can describe it

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