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CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: No Kissing Allowed? (5/16/2012 12:11:17 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AzPetGirl
Just wondering if any of the Dom's on here use "kissing restriction/denial"
with their subs?
I would assume this has something to do with the depth of the relationship (i.e....married d/s folks probably don't observe this restriction as much?)
*****
Is this something alot of dom's restrict by way of punishment//control with their subs?
I am responding to this cuz...I seem to be the only one who has this particular angle on kissing. I do have a kissing restriction in place, but not for any reasons posted in this thread so far.
It has nothing to do with the lack of depth to the relationship...it's a Cynthia thing; I have PTSD and a beard and mustache (on a small statured caucasian male) triggers my panic attacks. My boy begged me not to make him shave it off, as he claims to be fugly without it. [:D]
My past subs were all clean shaven, as were past boyfriends, and somehow I remained clueless that this was an issue with me until I met bo. Normally when I have a sub or a regular friendly bottom in my life, the energy between us prevents most of my panic attacks from being triggered. With bo...the first four or five months together were wall to wall panic attacks. The first time I was in his home I had a panic attack, lol, the first time we were at a MAsT meeting together I had a panic attack, and yep, anytime I share a bathroom with him is breeding ground for a panic attack. It's has uncomfortable moments, but I am not breaking up this relationship. I have to conquer my triggers and make them lose power over me...but this takes time.
Btw, it's been about two months since I had my last panic attack and I welcome the respite after sometimes experiencing more than three of them per day, day after day. Shrinks haven't helped much and neither have meds, this is just scar tissue giving it's uncomfortable twinges and I have to deal with it as best I can.
I love him and love to cuddle and bite and pinch and...all kinds of intimate things; his tongue is enjoyed all over my body...EXCEPT in my mouth and near my clit. (As for the latter, his mustache stabs the living hell out of those delicate tissues.)
His sense of smell is below par, so he didn't notice when his mustache and beard smelled sour. One of his meds contibutes to this, as well as his slurping Orange Crush and eating Popsicles all day long. Maybe other women don't notice as much as I do, but with me...the faintest whiff of food or sourness and I had a panic attack triggered. (For those who don't know about panic attacks, a flood of different chemicals are released from my brain that I cannot turn off. There is no choice involved. Feelings of dread, doom, imminent death, that I cannot breathe and that my heart is going to explode from my chest...is very unpleasant and cannot be turned off at my convenience).
Anyway, I told him to not get near me unless he has scrubbed his beard and mustache with soap and rinsed it off. Better than he had been before I supervised...he had been soaping up a wee bit of the hair on the very outer layer, lol. Kinda like brushing one's teeth with a finger slathered in toothpaste rather than using a toothbrush and flosser.
I cannot get used to how he kisses in quick noisy pecks either. Teaching him use more of his tongue on my body instead of the very tip...I love full tongue and open mouth on my neck, not little sonic boom type pecks. I used to get very steamed up over french kissing long time ago, but now that more of my ghosts woke up and have to be dealt with...I have to deal with life as it is and not make myself unhappy or aggravated by what I'm simply not up to. Yes, I am fully aware that some of my limitations have made bo feel rejected in some ways. Since I wear the big girl panties...I take full responsibility for whatever problems my own issues cause in our relationship.
As for your last question, with bottoms and subs who were not my boyfriend, kissing was not part of our relationship.
No, I have never thought to use withholding of kisses as a punishment...but...if I am very displeased with a lover, kissing is far down on my list of things I'd have in mind to do to him. It's a mood thing, not a conscious decision.
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