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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 8:49:42 PM   
chrisy


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline 		i am eager to learn. it's inside me. insatiable...i can't stop

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 10:04:56 PM   
jocelyn


Posts: 59
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline 		Chrisy -  You'll find a complete range of ability levels during your search.  There's nothing wrong at all with listing intelligence as one of your "must have" character traits.  I don't think that M/s relationships are different from any other in that we all favor different things.  If you're really interested in attracting a master who's bright, you might want to detail exactly how that would manifest itself when you put together your profile.

...just a thought or two, and good luck in your search!

jocelyn


_____________________________

If chocolate is not the answer, I'm not certain that the question matters...

(in reply to chrisy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 10:10:06 PM   
MstrTiger


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/14/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		You cant become something you are not! You are what you are and should revel in it!

Once you learn to love what is inside yourself then hopefully you will quickly find a line of people wanting to love you also. Even if you were to act different in order to attract a partner I don’t think you would be truly happy with the situation. It is generally not a good idea to try to mould yourself to fit into a particular box, even if you want to get into the box yourself, I generally find people just get upset and frustrated when they try to do that, you are not a box you are a person.

Just take things at your own pace and perhaps take some time out to revaluate what you really want, it is not easy for us poor humans to find someone we are truly compatible with though I think living your life and expressing yourself is its own reward I don’t think you should look on it in any other way.

I suggest you start by opening a bottle of champagne while dancing naked with a feather boa to the strains of “I am what I am” by Gloria Gaynor.

(in reply to chrisy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 10:10:53 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		chrisy, you shouldn't have a problem.  There are some Dom's out there that don't like independant, strong willed submissives, but there are just as many out there that adore it.  I have an extremely demanding career, I am very much a Type A personality.  I am a born leader in both my career/business and with friends and family.  But I love the submission to my Dom.  There are Dom's out there that love this.  It adds a bit of spice into the mix in many ways you would never even posibly think.  So don't give up hope.  it will happen when it is supposed to and good luck!

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

(in reply to chrisy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 10:11:59 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		I luuurve being someone's wet dream *sigh*.

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~littlemissy~

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 10:13:17 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		he definately is a special one isn't he? *sighs in a dreamy way*

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~littlemissy~

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Too independent - 5/25/2006 6:03:57 AM   
mastersayed


Posts: 119
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		trust me, there is a match for everybody out there. if you think you're too smart to be a sub then you are'nt really smart. you just need to find an equally smart or smarter dom. look for doms with a lot of education

(in reply to chrisy)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Too independent - 5/27/2006 6:42:51 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline 		There is no shortage of doms out there looking for intelligent subs. However, if you find yourself repeating a pattern in your interactions with other people, there's usually a reason for it. You 'push them away' how?

My wife and my secondary partner are both extremely intelligent women, and I value that quality. However, I have encountered people of both genders and varied sexual orientation who are incapable of carrying on a conversation without being pointlessly argumentative, and that doesn't interest me much.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
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(in reply to mastersayed)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Too independent - 5/27/2006 7:16:41 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy
will someone, like myself, have any chance finding a donimant willing to get involved with an eagerly intelligent sub? it seems i push them away! any advice...save for me to change and become what i am not...thanks


Believe it or not some of us actualy like a girl with a strong inteligent personality of her own. Being a submissive doesn't mean you will submit to just any nerd who sticks a Dom lable to their chest, it is something inside you, but it takes the right person, the right dynamic between you to draw it out.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to chrisy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Too independent - 5/27/2006 1:45:15 PM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		I have had the pleasure of being around many long-term D/s and M/s relationships and most of them I would honestly say the sub and slave were highly intelligent and the sub and slave have a significant ability to function away from their Dom and Dommes.

I have had your problem a few times. Men hear about my education resume and that I don't panic or start to bat my eyes at a man when something unexpected or new comes up and have been questioned if I am really a slave or just scared them off.

Intelligence should be only a positive.  How many people have ever made the comment I wish there was someone dumb around?

Relationships work mostly because personalities between the two people fit and rarely has to do with IQ gaps.

My question would be if you are pushing some away. Are you questioning them about orders or why they want that or this before it evers gets to a physical point?

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Too independent - 5/27/2006 3:01:50 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

will someone, like myself, have any chance finding a donimant willing to get involved with an eagerly intelligent sub? it seems i push them away! any advice...save for me to change and become what i am not...thanks

Given that your profile currently seems to be off, I can't say since I don't know who "someone like myself" is.  Your intelligence will be a problem for some, and an attraction to others.  Personally I prefer intelligent slaves, I like having those around me that I can have discussions with and who can offer insights and informed opinions of their own.  But not everyone likes that, so its a mixed bag out there.  As for pushing them away, perhaps you are in other ways.  Again, not knowing who you are or how you behave when interacting with others I really can't say.  But I don't think its your intelligence that is the problem.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to chrisy)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Too independent - 5/27/2006 3:35:16 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I'm really beginning to get bugged by the constant threads inferring that slaves and submissives are not intelligent.

I also think that people who *need* to prove themself and their intelligence and their need to be acknowledged for their intelligence is actually a weakness in character and amounts to a huge ego problem that will effect your submissiveness.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Too independent - 5/28/2006 9:51:04 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		This is just a thought and not a reply to anyone..Has anyone come across a person male/ female...Dom/me/sub who does not think they are intelligient?..I mean truly,even the most unintelligient think they are intelligient..So IMO..no Dom will reject a submissive on intelliegience, simply because most feel they are intelligient or even more so than another...Now to the OP...maybe it is not ones intelligience that is in question but possibly ones attitude or experience...be well..Tempting...sheesh! after reading this I feel like a dog chasing its tail in circles..ach well..maybe someone will understand what I am trying to say...

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Too independent - 5/28/2006 10:45:16 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I'm really beginning to get bugged by the constant threads inferring that slaves and submissives are not intelligent.


Me too.

quote:


I also think that people who *need* to prove themself and their intelligence and their need to be acknowledged for their intelligence is actually a weakness in character and amounts to a huge ego problem that will effect your submissiveness.


Well said. Very well said.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Too independent - 5/29/2006 2:21:45 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Being intelligent and submissive are not mutually exclusive. Make sure you are not setting things up as a contest. That may be what chases them away. Intelligent subs should not be a deal breaker for most Doms. Subs who come across as "I dare you to make me submit" are. 

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to chrisy)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Too independent - 5/29/2006 2:39:43 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
Has anyone come across a person male/ female...Dom/me/sub who does not think they are intelligient?..


Quite a number. Girls who have lost confidence in themself, including in their inteligence.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Too independent - 5/29/2006 2:49:38 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Chrisy,

    I'm certain you have heard the same said various ways, but I'll throw my two cents in.  Personally I've been in the Lifestyle for 15 years, and although I have had short periods where I was without some sort of companionship, I've been quite active.  Aside from 'play' or practical experience, I've done a lot of reading and learning.  Submissives come in all shapes, sizes, educational backgrounds, life experiences, temperaments.  I've known many different sorts.  The thing that I think I would cherish most right now is to have the opportunity to meet a 'fiercely' independant woman.  A person who, by all outward appearance, has no reason to put themself in a position of subservience.  Why?  Because that woman actually has something imperceptibly tangible to relinquish.  Her surrender would be intensely more meaningful than a woman who serves little purpose in life other than to serve.  A woman who doesn't 'need' to serve, but 'feels the need', nonetheless, to serve.  Such a precious ideal.

    But then there's the other side of the coin.  Say such a woman exists, with these needs pent up in her.  Her dilemna is finding that man who truly understands what he is dealing with.  And it's not about the conquer, that's far too egotistical of a feeling.  (And besides, once she finds that special man, she will contribute to her own surrender, believe me.)

    Hope this helps.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Too independent - 5/29/2006 4:54:50 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
Has anyone come across a person male/ female...Dom/me/sub who does not think they are intelligient?..


Quite a number. Girls who have lost confidence in themself, including in their inteligence.

I stand corrected..Thank You Ravenmuse.....Tempting

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Too independent - 5/30/2006 12:41:03 PM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		There are all kinds of people - you'll find what you want if you insist on settling for nothing less. 

Many people are intimidated by intelligence and independence, and many "doms" are drawn here because they think it will confer on them supremacy which they lack in their real lives.  By assailing your independence and intelligence, they seek to increase their own self-esteem.

Be who you are and be proud.  You'll find what you want.


_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 39
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