For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (Full Version)

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belongtoyou -> For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (3/29/2004 9:24:27 PM)

A submissive's Bill of Rights

You have the right to be treated with
respect. Not only do you
have this right, you have the right to
demand it. Being
submissive does not make you a doormat or
less of a person
than anyone else. The word "submissive"
describes your nature
and in no way diminishes you as a human
being. You have the
right to respect yourself as well.

You have the right to be proud of what
you are. Being a
submissive is nothing that should ever
bring you shame or
feelings of reproach. Your submissive
nature is a gift and
should always be a source of pride and
happiness.

You have the right to feel safe. Being a
submissive should not
make you feel afraid, insecure or
threatened. Submission is
not about living on the edge or flirting
with fear. In any
situation you should feel safe or there
can never be true surrender.

You have the right to your emotions and
feelings. Your
emotions and feelings come from you and
they are just as valid
as anyone else's. You have a right to
them. Those feelings,
whether positive or negative, make you
who you are and
suppressing them will only bring
unhappiness later.

You have the right to express your
negative feelings. Being
submissive does not make you an object
that no longer has
negative thoughts or concerns.Your
concerns are real and you
have every right to express them. If
something doesn't feel
right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or
you just plain don't
like something, say so. Failing to
express your negative
feelings could give the mistaken
impression that you are
pleased or satisfied with something that
is not pleasurable or agreeable.

You have the right to say NO. Being
submissive does not take
away your right to have dislikes or
negative feelings about
things. If something is happening or
about to happen that you
feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty
to speak up.
Remember, failing to communicate the word
NO is the same as saying YES.

You have the right to expect happiness in
life. Being
submissive is not tantamount to being
miserable, suffering or
a life of despair. Your submission should
bring you joy, peace
and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then
something is wrong.

You have the right to have input in a
relationship. You are an
active partner in any relationship you
enter and have every
right to contribute to it. You are
submissive, not passive. A
relationship that doesn't include your
needs, thoughts, hopes
and desires is not one you should be in
to begin with. This
applies to friendships, partnerships and
D/s relationships.

You have the right to belong. Being
submissive greatly
involves the feeling of belonging. Many
submissives have
expressed that it was in discovering
their submissive nature
that they felt as through they "belonged"
for the first time
in their lives. You belong to the
lifestyle and will
eventually belong to the One. It's in
that relationship you
should find the final fulfillment
of "belonging" at last.

You have the right to be loved and to
love. Anyone who tells
you that love doesn't fit into a D/s
relationship has never
experienced the fulfillment of all it
truly can be.
Submissives are by nature loving and
needing of love and have
every right to expect this to be a part
of their lives. It
takes love to bring your submission into
full bloom, so don't settle for less.

You have the right to be healthy. Health
involves your
physical, mental and emotional well-
being. Any relationship,
D/s or otherwise, that causes you to
suffer physically,
mentally or emotionally, beyond your
limits, is abuse. There
is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s
relationship and
it's up to you to make sure those lines
are not crossed.
Being a submissive does not give anyone
the right to harm or
injure you in any way. The D/s community
will stand behind you
if you should encounter such a situation
but you are the one
who has to make them aware before they
can help.

You have the right to practice safe sex.
Not only is this a
right, it's a duty to yourself and others
you may come into
contact with at a later date. Sexually
transmitted diseases
have reached epidemic proportions and
must be a concern to any
sexually active person. Safe Sex is
something you have the
right to insist upon and protecting
yourself should never be
discouraged by anyone who really has your
best interests at heart.

author unknown


This was copied from a forum at Bondage.com, with permission by the woman who posted it.

Stay safe,

~rain~



proudsub -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (3/29/2004 9:40:18 PM)

Great post rain, thank you.



seattleminx -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (3/30/2004 8:45:19 AM)

Wonderful post belongtoyou... the one thing that's difficult for people to understand, both in and out of the Community, is that submissive does not equal doormat.



anjelblue69 -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (3/30/2004 12:16:20 PM)

I can not thank you enough for this posting. I have been having a rough time with some things and this helped to put it all back into perspective for me.

Thank you!
anjelblue



cariad -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 11:07:58 AM)

"You have the right to express your
negative feelings. Being
submissive does not make you an object
that no longer has
negative thoughts or concerns.Your
concerns are real and you
have every right to express them. If
something doesn't feel
right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or
you just plain don't
like something, say so. Failing to
express your negative
feelings could give the mistaken
impression that you are
pleased or satisfied with something that
is not pleasurable or agreeable.

You have the right to say NO. Being
submissive does not take
away your right to have dislikes or
negative feelings about
things. If something is happening or
about to happen that you
feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty
to speak up.
Remember, failing to communicate the word
NO is the same as saying YES. "

girl is not so sure of these any more, she gets told one moment she can say no and express her feelings but recently it has gotten her a stalker type Dom who does not understand the words "take it and shove it where the sun don't shine," and a few rounds of a whistle being blown in his ears.

he expects girl to apologise because she cussed him out for telling her she has no right to the feelings she has, but yet he expects girl to speak up and say how she is feeling?

now how messed up is that.

*end rant*

girl apologises if she was disrespectful but she had to ask: if we as subs/slaves have such rights why are we not allowed by Some to feel the way we do and yet Others will say "Please lil one don't hide anything from me," and be sincere about it? how is girl to know when they are sincere??

girl has been so badly hurt that fears opening up to a Dom now....

girl is not a new kid on the block, but has been in the lifestyle for a number of years now and still can't tell when One is sincere in what He says and when One is just blowing smoke up her arse.

is girl jaded because she has been so badly hurt ? if so, how does she become unjaded?

again girl apologises if she was disrespectful in any way.



bignipples2share -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 11:39:59 AM)

It seems that if you say exactly what you like, what you don't, then of course, many people say that's topping from the bottom. btw, this is not my way of thinking on it, but I have seen it said of others.


ahhhhh I see sounds



tears4him -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 12:45:46 PM)

Nice post.



meatcleaver -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 12:49:26 PM)

Why bother?



Level -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 12:56:23 PM)

To my way of thinking.......and keeping in mind my definition of submissive.... a submissive has no rights beyond having their needs met (such as food and shelter), being able to leave at any time for any reason, and to be treated without abuse.
 
*borrows flame-retardant suit and gets out large-ass bullhorn and says.....*
 
This does NOT mean that what I listed above is all I would offer a submissive. I believe deeply in communication on any subject (and in fact demand such), and in respect, and I need to give and recieve affection, and would hope that she and I would share a love that could make others weep with envy.
 
But to say a submissive has the "right to be loved".........no.
 
Level



valeca -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 1:10:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: belongtoyou


Remember, failing to communicate the word
NO is the same as saying YES.



~rain~


This statement boggles my mind. The lack of a "no" does not imply consent in any way shape or form.

I don't specifically tell my bank, "No, you can't keep all my money." 
I don't tell my neighbour, "No, you can't park your car on my lawn." 
I don't tell Master, "No, You can't beat me within an inch of my life." 

And my consent to those is not implied by NOT saying "no."


Failing to say "no", is not...I repeat, not...the same as saying "yes."



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 1:26:14 PM)

Just an FYI, the right to re-post something is not up to the person who happens to post it, but the author (or whoever the author may have sold the rights to). 



ladychatterley -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 1:48:44 PM)

I would add a couple more:
A submissive has a right to say No to anyone she doesn't want to be with and
A submissive has a right not to 'play.'  I can't view sex as play; I just can't, so I don't.  But I've talked to other subs who feel like there is something wrong with them if they don't play.



Sunshine119 -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 3:08:34 PM)

Why is there something about this "list" that strikes me wrong?  I am tired of submissives whinning about how used we are!  We don't need a list. ANY human being with an intact self will already know all of these things.  A submissive is no less a human than a dominant.

For me?  A submissive has one right.  The right to walk out the door if he/she doesn't like what he/she is getting.

And, BTW, it is the same right any dominant has in any relationship as well.

Now that I have not won "Miss Sensitivity of the Day" award.......

If you need this list?  See a shrink!



meatcleaver -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 4:09:07 PM)

All this list really is about is being the centre of attention. Well not everyone wants or is prepared to put up with a prima donna and if you genuinely need it, Sunshine119's advice is sound. See a shrink.



buffiyum -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 4:59:15 PM)

hmmm....
With respecte, one wonders if  the posting of the submissives 'bill of rights' could perhaps be a response to the many negative experiences some submissives have undergone, rather than a need or desire to be any 'centre of attention'.  God knows it is very confusing  and even frightening for new submissives entering the Life and the search, as it is.
There is also confusion perhaps, between the term 'submissive' and that of  'slave'.
The 'bill of rights' rings true to buffy in terms of those submissives she knows in r/l.  It about 'sums up' how the D/s relationship they are in with their Dom/me appears to operate. 
As a slave, buffy knows she has the right to offer or to refuse her submission and that should she be collared, then after that is concluded any rights will be up to her Owner.  At least that is how she feels about the term 'slave'. However, that said:
1. everyone is entitled to Life. well hells bells.
2. not everyone is able to recognize abuse as it is done to them for a variety of reasons.
3. not everyone who recognizes that abuse is able to fight against it, again for a variety of reasons (and one is NOT saying that ones like this are doormats because it happen to her and she is not a doormat)!

one will also say this in a general response to the 'bill of rights' in this thread.....
not everyone is able at any given time to use the word 'no'.  Additionally, many Ones do not like that word used by those They have collared and since the collared one wish to be pleasing.....
Not everyone is able to just 'walk out the door'. It simply is not always an option. 

The only thing anyone can do is this maybe..... find your own limits in terms of what you can/cannot permitte to be done to you and then find a One who agree with those limits as 'absolutes'.  It is of little use later to say 'well, one did not know He would do that because Wwe never talked about that' . Talk all these things out as much as you can before the collar is put around the neck, not later.  Trust your gut if that works for you.  If not, think of ways to sound Him/Her out, so that you make the best and most informed choice for yourself that you can.  The lure of the collar is palpable at times (one know this lure and need very well indeed), but one must be careful putting on the collar.  It means differente things to differente Ppeople, as does the very act of submission itself!  Find the Oone who shares Yyour mental 'postal code/zipcode' and think of begging that collar.
one think that handing such a list as the 'bill of rights' to any potential Master or Mistress right off the bat, maybe wouldnot be such a good idea unless  you crouch it in the terms of  'as a starting point, one read this and one beg to know what You think of it ?'.And then go from there.

As to how to live prior to a collar being put on about the neck, given all the difficulties sometimes submissives/slaves go through on the search....brothers and sisters,  try not putting yourself into situations where there is a possibility of having to voice a refusal to a demand, until you are strong enough to voice that refusal. If you cannot say 'no' then dont put yourself into a situation where you are very likely to have to use it.  Thinking such as this may save your life and if nothing else, can help keep you from getting hurt in your heart.
Well thats it for buffy, time to go buy more shoes!
Good luck to Eeveryone in their search.  And remember, .... there's no life like it!!
respectfully,
buffy





Level -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 5:53:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buffiyum

..... find your own limits in terms of what you can/cannot permitte to be done to you and then find a One who agree with those limits as 'absolutes'.  It is of little use later to say 'well, one did not know He would do that because Wwe never talked about that' . Talk all these things out as much as you can before the collar is put around the neck, not later.



Indeed. If it takes months.......get as much out front as humanly possible.



acctonthelook -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 6:25:14 PM)

Buffy, you point out a great point that it's really about the personal determination of 'who' you are or 'where' we are at:  sub or slave. 
 
I know I'm a sub but I also know I may have slave tendacies briefly during 'play'.  Other than that I feel most comfortable with entering into a D/s relationship as you state. 
 
For me, that's what's right for now.  I liked the OP b/c it does state what I feel is right for me, at this point in time.  Beyond that, growth can change a person and lead us into different directions. 
 
I know everyone here has grown, changed over time, come to the realization that they now want 'this' or 'that'. 
 
I like the OP because it's a starting point for some subs and a finish line for others.

quote:

ORIGINAL: buffiyum
hmmm....
There is also confusion perhaps, between the term 'submissive' and that of  'slave'.

The 'bill of rights' rings true to buffy in terms of those submissives she knows in r/l.  It about 'sums up' how the D/s relationship they are in with their Dom/me appears to operate. 

As a slave, buffy knows she has the right to offer or to refuse her submission and that should she be collared, then after that is concluded any rights will be up to her Owner.  At least that is how she feels about the term 'slave'.

The only thing anyone can do is this maybe..... find your own limits in terms of what you can/cannot permitte to be done to you and then find a One who agree with those limits as 'absolutes'. 



ScooterTrash -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 7:32:36 PM)

Looking at this list as a guide I think is fine, as a guide to set goals for what they are looking for in a relationship. If the intent is for this to be some sort of decree that can be used to justify behavour, I am afraid that won't fly. Most if not all of these "rights" would be fullfilled in a well thought out relationship where limits matched and there was open communication. But to strictly state that these are some sort of protected rights that are never given up nor control relinquished over however, is not necessarily true. Dissecting this list;

-You have the right to be treated with respect.
I think this is a given, an expected thing. A right? Perhaps initially and in a well thought out relationship where the match is there, it comes with the terrritory.
-You have the right to be proud of what you are.
This is one of those inalienable rights I think, don't we all have this one?
-You have the right to feel safe.
Again, isn't this a natural thing, one that would be expected whether sub or Dominant?
-You have the right to your emotions and feelings.
Here it starts to get a little gray, sure, you can't limit one to not have emotions?...but displaying them, particularly in public, that's perhaps another story and I believe situations alter cases .
-You have the right to express your negative feelings.
To a point, similar to the next "no" statement..
-You have the right to say NO.
Also to a point. If it's something that isn't going past discussed limits I would suggest that the choice was already made. If after in the relationship and they decide that now they can start using the "no" word for things that used to be "yes", I don't agree.
-You have the right to expect happiness in life.
No issue with this one, just be sure there is a definition for "said" happiness or disappointment may lie on the horizon. Hard to acheive an undefined goal.
-You have the right to have input in a relationship.
To the extent that is has been agreed to early on in the relationship. I believe this to be an agreed right, not something that just comes with the package.
-You have the right to belong.
I guess if you are there, you belong there.
-You have the right to be loved and to love. 
Not necessarily a right and some do not want even that emotional committment. If this is what they seek from the start, they have the right to find someone who is willing to give that. Some do not want that committment.
-You have the right to be healthy.
I agree with this one wholeheartedly, as a group, a couple or by yourself, I think you owe this one to yourself.
-You have the right to practice safe sex.
See above, it's not a seperate line item, it falls under health.
 
Bear in mind I'm not slamming the list, I am simply pointing out that these are not necessarily rights that come with every relationship. If you want these, you have to work for them. You have to be selective in your search and find a match that will give you what you want out of a relationship. To demand that you get all of the above simply because you are submissive will not work. Relationships, particularly D/s relationships are based or the 4 cornerstones, Trust, Respect, Honesty and Communication...if you have all that, you will never have to look at any list.




TemptingNviceSub -> RE: For all the new subs: Submissives Bill of Rights (4/8/2006 7:47:09 PM)

Thank you Scooter Trash you have saved me a ton of typing...Yes..Yes..Yes..to all you have stated....I feel all of this comes from just plain simple common sense,and an intimate knowledge of who you are as a person first and..woman/male..Dom/Sub...be well...Tempting



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