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A returning submissive - 10/16/2011 11:42:08 PM

PossessedByWho

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/15/2011
Status: offline

Hello all.
I have returned to the site after meeting, relocating and marrying somebody I met here. I'm from the UK originally and now live in Hong Kong.
The relationship is great on all levels except one: Despite all our talking, planning and discussions prior to my relocating, she is actually NOT dominant at all. At first I didn't raise the issue. 'Perhaps it's a test', I thought. And besides, it isn't MY place to tell a Dominant Female how dominant she should be or how often. But after 6 months of generally submissive attention from me, I decided I had to say something.

Needless to say, she considers herself more dominant than she actually is as people have ''told her'' in the past she is. I pointed out that having bad moods on occasion does not mean she is dominant, just HUMAN.

So what do I do? Settle for a good relationship that ticks all but one of the boxes, and stay in Hong Kong working as an English teacher?
I've decided 'NO'.

Sooner or later, the desire to submit will become too great to ignore and I will become bitter and resentful. I've therefore decided to start planning my departure and looking at other locations where I could make a suitable living, with a relatively easy transition. I'm currently considering Eastern Europe, but I'm open to suggestions.

Also, if anybody thinks I am handling the situation wrong, please feel free to share your advice.

Happy hunting...

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/17/2011 12:05:44 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

You do whatever it is that you need to do. Do not count on online strangers to have your best interests in mind. Only you can do that.

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Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/17/2011 1:56:13 AM

PossessedByWho

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/15/2011
Status: offline

Thank you for the advice, peppermint. I'm just curious to hear other people's experiences and opinions, but not so naive or weak willed as to blindly act upon them or assume what works/ed for them would work for me. Thanks again for the heads up.

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/17/2011 2:09:11 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Have you told her that you're so upset about not getting your needs met that you're considering leaving? Have you gone to clubs together, watched bdsm movies together, read sexy bdsm stories together, surfed the net together?
You say she meets ALL your other needs. You know that's very rare, right? I would think this over very carefully, and have long deep conversations with her before I gave up altogether. (personally)
I wish you well whatever you decide.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/17/2011 2:36:14 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Did you two actually ever spend time together, face to face, before you relocated and married? If not then there was your huge mistake.

Next time, date, get to know each other, spend time together face to face in person, as people instead of kinks and you might find a relationship will work better for you.

Good luck.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/17/2011 4:04:27 AM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline

Welcome To CM

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my name is : bonsh ... jamesh bonsh.
code name : 009.5
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RE: A returning submissive - 10/17/2011 4:27:23 AM

roscho

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

Welcome, Possessed.

I too have had to struggle with a situation that might be similar. Being "loved" is good and necessary for certain, but submitting is also a powerful need for us. It is not unusual for us to find a woman who is dominant in every aspect of her life, except for the role of "mate". There, it is common to find the seemingly dominant woman is either vanilla or actually also submissive. At least that is what happened to me.

The decision to end a good relationship deserves a lot of communication.

Again, welcome.

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/17/2011 9:32:03 AM

PossessedByWho

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/15/2011
Status: offline

Thanks for the welcomes and the free advice. To answer a few points in general without going into too much detail on a public forum: Yes, we met first and yes, we have discussed the issue. This is not a decision I am making lightly.
Thanks again for the welcome.

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/17/2011 10:14:14 AM

Sashareign

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/9/2011
From: Land of the lost. My collar marking me as - found.
Status: offline

Hello PossessedByWho,

And welcome aboard. You are in a quandry. I think you did pretty well with your research.There is only so much you can do when they live so far away. I have had jobs where I did an amazing amount of research, got all kinds of confirmations from the employers and then when I arrived three states away, it was not at all what we had discussed. Too late, I had moved. Similarly, with marriages, even if you had met several times face to face and had a number of play sessions, there is no telling (just like in Vanilla relationships) how things will actually be when it is 24/7.

I would listen to a good amount of the advice above though and explore every possibility before you end what in every other way is a dream relationship. Don't misunderstand, you deserve to be 100% happy. We all do. That said, you have put a huge amount of time and energy into this and if there is any way you can get it turned around, you could be in heaven for life. And she could be too! For one, I would consider a counselor. Just like in every ordinary vanilla relationship sometimes we need a sounding board to help each partner understand the needs of the other. I would meet people in the lifestyle where you now live if possible and the two of you could mix and maybe she would see how other dominants behave and "love" their subs, and then she could start to put into practice all of your fondest fantasies. You could then show her how you really have it in you to shine as a submissive.

Also, I really liked what xxblushesxx had to offer,

quote:

Have you gone to clubs together, watched bdsm movies together, read sexy bdsm stories together, surfed the net together?

Make sure she has an opportunity to really see and experience what it is you are looking for. Then she can say, "Is that what you crave? Come here baby, over my knee."

In short, tell her you want to make it work but you need her help. Then do all the things you can together to try to get it to work. If you already have done all of these things, then and only then I would say it might be best to part as amicably as possible.

I hope it all works out,

-Sasha

(in reply to PossessedByWho)

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/18/2011 5:31:33 AM

OohAahMrs

Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
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Hey poss, i hate to say it but, you've made your bed, fools rush in, etc. Now you would like to extricate yourself, but what about her?

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RE: A returning submissive - 10/18/2011 2:17:36 PM

Sashareign

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/9/2011
From: Land of the lost. My collar marking me as - found.
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Something tells me we have convinced him to give it another go. Hope it works out for them both. Probably in ecstasy right now. Can't wait for my turn.

*Sasha turns her head to the conductor*

"What do you mean it was yesterday?"

-Sasha

(in reply to OohAahMrs)

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