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GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/powe... - 5/24/2006 4:02:33 PM   
knl4myplzr


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I originally posted this in reply to Fergus in the "Low Income Doms" thread...but it seemed a complex enough subject to warrant its own subject...

Are women really "hardwired" to prefer men who can be "providers"?  Do men prefer to be the financially/professionally more established partner?

quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

Being poor is not a crime. I believe far more satisfaction is derived from a good relationship (regardless of how that is defined).

That being said ....

There are some universal truths not about Doms vs. subs but more about men vs. women. We are each hard wired (in BROAD generalities) different;y and attracted to different things.

Women (again, gross generalies) are attracted to one who can provide. Either a physically strong, and or financially secure mate speaks to that primordial desire.

fergus


Hi all, just wanted to add, from the FemDomme perspective (well Mine anyway)

Though I think you have a very valid point Fergus (that some if not many women may prefer a guy with financial success...or, lol, excess)...so I'm not disagreeing that there are many cases that this is true...however, here's a little alternative way to look at it for women who have a more skewed perpective, like Mine...from an almost frighteningly practical article by...

"Linda R. Hirshman retired as the Allen/Berenson Distinguished Visiting Professor at Brandeis University. She is at work on a book about marriage after feminism. With almost no effort, she landed spot No. 77 on Bernard Goldberg’s “100 People Who Are Screwing Up America.”

...suggesting that women do what men have always done, that is to...

"...either find a spouse with less social power than you or find one with an ideological commitment to gender equality. Taking the easier path first, marry down. Don’t think of this as brutally strategic. If you are devoted to your career goals and would like a man who will support that, you’re just doing what men throughout the ages have done: placing a safe bet.
 
In her 1995 book, Kidding Ourselves: Babies, Breadwinning and Bargaining Power, Rhona Mahoney recommended finding a sharing spouse by marrying younger or poorer, or someone in a dependent status, like a starving artist. Because money is such a marker of status and power, it’s hard to persuade women to marry poorer. So here’s an easier rule: Marry young or marry much older. Younger men are potential high-status companions. Much older men are sufficiently established so that they don’t have to work so hard, and they often have enough money to provide unlimited household help. By contrast, slightly older men with bigger incomes are the most dangerous, but even a pure counterpart is risky. If you both are going through the elite-job hazing rituals simultaneously while having children, someone is going to have to give."
 
...(this is a tiny portion, and not even the main focus of the whole article, see the original article here:  http://www.prospect.org/web/page.wwsection=root&name=ViewPrint&articleId=10646)

Now we all know its very possible to lie with statistics and that certainly not everything in the media is true (BUT it is very interesting to consider the following idea - IS there any truth to the concept that men LIKE to be the partner with the most money?  IS it programmed into their DNA the way that some women seeking a more powerful mate might be?  This following is a snippet from an article by a NY Times columnist (original link below):

Power Dynamics
    At a party for the Broadway opening of "Sweet Smell of Success," a top New York producer gave me a lecture on the price of female success that was anything but sweet. He confessed that he had wanted to ask me out on a date when he was between marriages but nixed the idea because my job as a Times columnist made me too intimidating. Men, he explained, prefer women who seem malleable and awed. He predicted that I would never find a mate because if there's one thing men fear, it's a woman who uses her critical faculties. Will she be critical of absolutely everything, even his manhood?
 
    He had hit on a primal fear of single successful women: that the aroma of male power is an aphrodisiac for women, but the perfume of female power is a turnoff for men. It took women a few decades to realize that everything they were doing to advance themselves in the boardroom could be sabotaging their chances in the bedroom, that evolution was lagging behind equality.
 
    A few years ago at a White House correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful and successful actress. Within minutes, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
 
    I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with young women whose job it was was to care for them and nurture them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
 
    John Schwartz of The New York Times made the trend official in 2004 when he reported: "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame." A study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggested that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors. Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them. There it is, right in the DNA: women get penalized by insecure men for being too independent.
 
    "The hypothesis," Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, theorized, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference between their attraction to men who might work above them and their attraction to men who might work below them.
 
    So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? Do women get less desirable as they get more successful?
 
    After I first wrote on this subject, a Times reader named Ray Lewis e-mailed me. While we had assumed that making ourselves more professionally accomplished would make us more fascinating, it turned out, as Lewis put it, that smart women were "draining at times."
 
    Women moving up still strive to marry up. Men moving up still tend to marry down. The two sexes' going in opposite directions has led to an epidemic of professional women missing out on husbands and kids.
 
    Sylvia Ann Hewlett, an economist and the author of "Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children," a book published in 2002, conducted a survey and found that 55 percent of 35-year-old career women were childless. And among corporate executives who earn $100,000 or more, she said, 49 percent of the women did not have children, compared with only 19 percent of the men.
 
    Hewlett quantified, yet again, that men have an unfair advantage. "Nowadays," she said, "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child. For men, the reverse is true."
 
    A 2005 report by researchers at four British universities indicated that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to marry, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
 
Original article is here:  http://www.truthout.org/issues_05/103105WA.shtml
 
So, what do you think?
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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 7:03:12 AM   
Hohoho


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After considerable thought to this topic, my own individual needs have changed throughout the years. I chose a husband that was a hard worker, a great companion, 5 years younger, so he was prime for makin' babies. Now widowed, with a young child, I have been able to meet my own financial needs. I would expect different requirements of my next long term partner. For my dominant would have to show signs of success and provision. 
There's always a chance I'll end up back where I started. But I'm not rich enough to support a spouse, too.

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 8:30:56 AM   
Lordandmaster


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It's amazing how everything Maureen Dowd writes is really about Maureen Dowd.

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 8:32:46 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


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quote:

Are women really "hardwired" to prefer men who can be "providers"?  Do men prefer to be the financially/professionally more established partner?
Generally speaking, yes.   I've never been one to respect money/possessions above everything else, but have come to learn that most people in the world do, and that is one major source of power for them. 
I've had a good amount of experience and difficulty dating/marrying men who were financially "not powerful", and found it to be the basis of a lot of discord with them.  

I have never given a second thought in my prior life to people's source of strength, or how people are hardwired, because I figured what was mine was his and vice versa; but my experience showed me that if he feels less the man because he makes less money, I tend to end up paying for it one way or another... One way was them trying to cut me down to size (not physically folks, lol) because I earned more than they did, so they could feel better about themselves.  It is one way I came to realize the power/authority dynamic in most relationships was also largely related to who brings home the bacon, not who is most capable or just within the relationship.   M

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 9:45:49 AM   
lisa1978


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I think it is true in a general sense. Women want to be protected and feel secure and it probably goes back to the caveman days as most comedians like to do bits on this. Power is almost usually directly tied into money. We just had this discussion at work, or I should say the men did, but there are very few women who ever marry a man who makes or will clearly make less than them in the future and I do not think it is as shallow as wanting a big house or a fancy car.

I would argue that the notion of all women trying to find a man who is as powerful and rich as they possibly can that it overloads other important factors is bogus. Sure there are golddiggers out there but most of us are not that way. We just want a man who will protect us and that includes the threat of wondering where we are going to find the money to do this fill in the blank vital thing.



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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 9:58:15 AM   
cloudboy


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quote:

Women moving up still strive to marry up. Men moving up still tend to marry down. The two sexes' going in opposite directions has led to an epidemic of professional women missing out on husbands and kids.


I remember reading this article when it came out. I thought it was pretty ingenuis how successful career women could blame their dating and marital woes on the attitudes of MEN. Seems to me that women "moving up" who "strive to marry up" simply lose out on the numbers game game when their targeted male mates will gladly consider, date, and marry from a larger pool of women. Let's look at it this way:

100 Women

100 Men

------

A. 10 women make $100K or more.

B. 10 women make $80K or more

C. 80 women make less aht $80K


A. 16 men make more than $100K

B. 14 men make more than $80K

C. 70 men makeless than $80K

By the logic in the quote above, women in group A and B only want to marry men in the same or higher groups. These women are therefore excluding 70 men right off the bat in their preferences.

Additionally, Men in Groups A and B will consider women in group C. ("low income women")

If 50% of the men in groups A and B marry women in group C --- then that only leaves 15 potential men left for the aspiring women in Group A and B. 20 women will be pursuing 15 men. No wonder the woman feel disadvantaged.

To me, this is not a Men's value problem? Men have the right values as they are open to matching up with all women regardless of their group. Women, though, by limiting themselves to the "upscale" men hurt their own chances of finding a mate. Its a strict numbers game, and the balance is skewed namely by the alleged women's value of wanting to "move up."

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 10:09:17 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


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Sidetracking the value system thing, the most important thing a woman can do to rid herself of the need to marry up or down is indeed to get married.  Most marriages being lousy as they are ought to propel most women to try and become self sufficient so that she will choose a partner more wisely rather than just base it on his salary number.  M

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 10:12:05 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


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I'm not going to lie, it's nice to be secure financially.  I don't think it's something specific to women, though.  I've seen a lot of men that can be described as "golddiggers" as well.  People in general, not just women, desire financial security.  They will attach and partner accordingly.  Hard work attracts hard work.  Success often attracts success.  In this day and age, a married couple in which both partners work is the rule and not the exception.  In that case they work hard to gain their financial security together, and gain recognition as such.

With all this said, I'm a housewife.  Just because I don't work outside the home (much), doesn't mean that I don't contribute to my husband and my financial security.  I make sure bills are paid on time and budget accordingly, am very responsible with spending, and live frugally.  Tyler (my husband) knew that this was the situation he was getting into.  I doubt we would be married now if I was irresponsible with money, or if he were not a hard worker.  Financial security comes in all types of packages.   

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 10:19:12 AM   
amayos


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I will venture simply to answer your direct question:

quote:

ORIGINAL: knl4myplzr
Are women really "hardwired" to prefer men who can be "providers"?  Do men prefer to be the financially/professionally more established partner?


Of course the female has in her what seems an instinctual, Darwinian desire to locate and acquire males with the resources she needs and desires; if she were to not exhibit this trait, reproductive disaster could be in the cards for her. Perhaps this stems from thousands of years of hunter-gatherer behavior, reaching even further back to the distant traces of our primordial DNA. Whatever the root, the concept / observation does have merit, though this acquisition of resources alone will not keep her from enjoying other males in secret. -- ! --

Likewise, males do indeed seem somewhat inclined to be the protectors / providers, and being the competitive creatures they are, feel awkwardly ineffectual when a female outdoes them in the acquisition of resources and conquests. This is a feeling many men will seldom openly admit to, but it's there, toying with their egos and erections to one degree or another. This can even be present is so-called "submissive" men.

Of course, one should not dismiss the obvious; that regardless of sex, it's a fundamental law of human psychology and power to keep others dependant upon you. From a dominant point of view—understanding how money and "power" is so favored in social status—it is important that we all, male or female, hone our resources, intellect and wealth to compliment the convictions and persona we were inspired to have.

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 10:26:41 AM   
redpetals


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yes..we are the nurturers of our race..our natural inclination is to be sure our babies will be fed and protected..you can fight it all you want but we are all
creatures of this earth..given direction by our sexual needs..
maybe superior in our capacity for ruin..
but we are animals none the less.


_____________________________

Love is a verb.

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 10:53:20 AM   
sadisticpanda


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I won't argue whether in general most men and women fall prey to the typical stereotypes of men being more powerful then their female partners, no matter how powerful and financially successful the woman.  The thing I would like to note, is that there are a lot of us out here that aren't hung up on such stereotypes.  Its has nothing to do with feminism, equality, or submissiveness.  In a society where two incomes are common and where divorce is growing more and more common such that sometimes half a man's income is dedicated to supporting his children, it would seem that many women might actually bring more then their husbands.  Would this weaken my relationship with a woman because it is her income that we primarily use in the construction of a budget?  Will this make me any less able to be as sadistic and kinky as I enjoy?  Would bringing home less financially reduce my masculinity?
 
HELL NO!
 
I tend to be someone who favors a smart woman over what a good portion of society seems to have decided are the most beautiful women, i.e. dumb blonde bimbos.  A woman with a higher IQ *gains* a lot in my book.  A woman with a larger cup size tends to lose a lot in my eyes (and not just because I am more attracted to smaller breasts!).  I prefer a woman who can play chess, understands some of what I say when I talk about computer programming, and doesn't think that string theory has something to do with her tampon.
 
A powerful successful woman isn't always smart though.  I'm not sure where that idea ever came into being.  Some of the most moronic individuals I have known have been upper management and CEO's.  Sure they made lots of money and drove fancy cars, but they couldn't balance a budget unless you gave them a pencil and two accountants...  the pencil so that they can doodle while the accountants do the work.
 
So... I think I'm going to go hang out at the library instead of the beach...  Or maybe take an astronomy class at the community college rather than waste time in a high class bar in some swank hotel.  Who knows... if you are smart enough and haven't wasted your time trying to make the big bucks by kissing ass and sacrificing your dreams of finding that lonely star that pulses in time with your heart, you may just meet me and wonder where I was all your life.  Okay... maybe not.

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 11:03:01 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


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quote:

ORIGINAL: redpetals

yes..we are the nurturers of our race..our natural inclination is to be sure our babies will be fed and protected..you can fight it all you want but we are all
creatures of this earth..given direction by our sexual needs..
maybe superior in our capacity for ruin..
but we are animals none the less.


To an extent, perhaps.  However, if we are given direction by our sexual needs, where would the gay community come into play?

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 11:06:56 AM   
Proprietrix


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Every thread on finances serves to remind me that I'm a really great person, and that makes me smile.
Dime or dollar, pauper or prince...
I *really* am a person who does not care about money.
Seriously.
If I love you, I love *you*, not your wallet. We can hang out in the Ritz or we can hang out in the ghetto doghouse.
I couldn't even read the articles. They're not in my realm of reality. I didn't even find the authors names familiar because they're out there making a name for themselves in a plane of existance that doesn't even cross mine. When people need to take time away from living and loving to analyze money... it shows me that they aren't people whose opinions I want to spend my time considering.
All this marrying for money.... I just can't wrap my head around it. All these articles about social power written by big money hustlers... I just can't relate to them.
I'm just seriously a person who can be happy in a shack or a mansion. If you're someone who can't derive happiness from inside, if you're someone who even needs to sit around and ponder, study, and publish about issues of materialism and wealth, if you're someone who needs a number to hang onto... you're not someone I can relate to, and certainly not someone I would quote or use as a role model.
I can think on a very intellectual level, but when I hear people trying to discuss money intellectually, I kind of sigh and think "Wow. You all missed the point of existance by a long shot."
I feel sorry for materialistic people.
The deeper end of the pool is less crowded, and much less shallow. 


_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 11:16:44 AM   
Lordandmaster


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Yup.  That's Maureen Dowd.  When she's writing about FEMA, she's OK; when she's writing about what it's like to be Maureen Dowd, I flip to the next page.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I couldn't even read the articles. They're not in my realm of reality. I didn't even find the authors names familiar because they're out there making a name for themselves in a plane of existance that doesn't even cross mine.

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 11:29:37 AM   
meatcleaver


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I've been rock bottom and doing OK in the financial stakes and personal experience tells me that the more money I have the more successful I am with women. I think also that many women are unrealistic in their pursuit of males too.

When I first became single again I was not wholly consciously but certainly looking at women around the age of late 30s-40 but that age group seem to want so much more than they are worth. I met a couple of women who wanted to give up work and have children they had up to that point sacrificed for their careers while wanting a man that could keep them to the standard they had become accustomed to while they gave up work to have a child. Very off putting, espesially as I had already a daughter and wasn't interested in financing some woman to have a child with standards that were beyond reasonable. I did end up dating women that were younger, around 30, their financial position didn't interest me but what they wanted from me certainly did.

I did end up having another child but that was an accident and I'm more than happy with the position. She's rising in her career and I pay my share for the child and more at times and happy to do so. It is still less than what many older career orientated women appeared to want in the first place.

My soul is my own.

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 11:33:20 AM   
sensiia


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Nothing wrong with seeking out someone successful and I am done having children. I recently took out another mortgage I mean loan to complete my Bachelors. I can sit on a piece of paper that could have bought me another home or I can go out there and hope to become successful and I have experienced men intimidated by a career I had. I like powerful men, I like men with drive, I feel that drive and it motivates me even further. It isn't necessarily the money but the power they have. Women are a driving force today in owning small businesses and being CEO's of some very big companies, if a man is confident and knows himself, a woman with power outside the home, I would only hope he would be proud of her. 

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 12:04:44 PM   
FloridaISIS


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978

I think it is true in a general sense. Women want to be protected and feel secure and it probably goes back to the caveman days as most comedians like to do bits on this. Power is almost usually directly tied into money. We just had this discussion at work, or I should say the men did, but there are very few women who ever marry a man who makes or will clearly make less than them in the future and I do not think it is as shallow as wanting a big house or a fancy car.

I would argue that the notion of all women trying to find a man who is as powerful and rich as they possibly can that it overloads other important factors is bogus. Sure there are golddiggers out there but most of us are not that way. We just want a man who will protect us and that includes the threat of wondering where we are going to find the money to do this fill in the blank vital thing.


I agree with lisa. I think this is well stated.

I will elaborate a little more on this. Considering lisa's words,  I think of the Alpha Dom. From personal experience serving two Alphas, and from what I've seen on here, the Alpha is basically  Grand Puba: controls all, does all, provides all, and fiercely protects what's his til the  end. Extremely possessive and protective of his. As are all Doms, but more so with the Alpha.
Then there is the Daddy Dom same principles as the alpha for the most part, but he does it in a little gentler way. Probably why I love Daddy's so much.  To me, this  way of thinking just naturally fits. Dom's are ultimate protectors for the most part, and it's hard not to respect and adore them.

In the vanilla world men still want to be the providers for the most part, but more and more women are equaling men's salaries, so I feel there's more tolerance of this in the vanilla world.

In D/s the Dom is King,  the Mac Daddy...now please don't let it go to your heads Men.  I think I've stroked many an ego with this.

These are MVO and and just that..My humble ramblings.
------------------
Live, Love, Laugh
Peace and love,
Isis

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 12:52:03 PM   
candystripper


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i knew from past experience that i'd very likely never be able to feel bonded as i needed with a wealthy Man.  Have met so many, and respected none.  Not one. 
 
Recently discovered that i also cannot bond with a Man in financial extremis, particularly where there is no apparent plan for improvement of His circumstances.  That rather shocked me.  i always thought i truely was a "pauper or prince" kinda submissive.
 
Money, class, whatever Y/you call it, carries with various issues or potential issues at every level of the tax brackets.
 
Life lessons still a'coming....i guess i'm not dead yet, lmao.
 
candystripper

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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 1:01:38 PM   
FloridaISIS


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I reread my post and thought it could use more clarification. I'm working with 2 hrs sleep, a migraine, and child  who's  home 24/7 for the summer, so the stress level is a bit up.  

Each couple defines their individual role in the relationship, as we all know. I feel a woman should do her best to help her significant other bring in money, unless the agreement made indicates otherwise. Some aren't able to work due to various factors, and in this case I would say the best course would be to help manage the money as wisely as possible.
I wasn't as clear as I wanted to be in the last post, and I do apologize.
___________
Peace and love,
Isis

(in reply to FloridaISIS)
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RE: GENERALITY: Are women biologically attracted to $/... - 5/25/2006 1:38:46 PM   
Wolf1020


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In a sense I think so.  Women (maybe not all, I'm generalizing here, so lets avoid the flames lol) are wired to find a male who will be able to provide for them and their offspring.  It is also the reason why women and men have a general attraction to certain physical characteristics, the big strong guy is going to be the better provider and protector, the woman with nice hips is going to easily bear you lots of offspring.  In our modern world we may not consider it that way but in the end we are animals and we were wired a certain way back in the primal cave man me Tarzan you Jane days. 
 
In some species it is the brightest and biggest neck pouch, in others the loudest howl, in some the biggest and strongest that can scare the other males away, in others the most dazzling colors or light show.  In humans it's the fattiest wallet and the best characteristics.

Again I am speaking purely in generalities and we all have our preferences but nature has wired us to basically find certain things desirable.

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(in reply to FloridaISIS)
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