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Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 7:25:39 AM   
Sherrr


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/25/2011
Status: offline 		Alright, you all have been coming up with great input, so I have another question.

For those ladies that have a male slave, how do you balance your relationship so that his strength and manliness doesn't get lost in the slaveliness? After all, the testosterone is what attracts us in the first place, right?
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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 7:35:50 AM   
Matildax21x


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/22/2011
Status: offline 		I'm not sure what you mean. I think equating manliness with superiority or strength and femininity with inferiority or weakness (as you have done here) is the first mistake. Serving is not a direct effect of gender. And why wouldn't you be concerned that femininity is lost in servitude? I have always failed to see how a man could lose his masculinity when becoming a submissive. Often, men find their purpose in serving and providing or even protecting his Domme. Just my opinion, however.

(in reply to Sherrr)
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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 7:42:35 AM   
Sherrr


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/25/2011
Status: offline 		I'll first answer the easier question. I'm not concerned about femininity lost in servitude, because it has nothing to do with me. I'm not a female submissive. As you can see, I've got my own stuff to worry about without taking on other peoples' issues.

Next, I did not mean to imply that I equate manliness with superiority. I do, however, equate it with strength, because that's just the way the chips have fallen in nature. It does strike me as a major fallacy, though, when people assume male strength is supposed to imply dominance or superiority.

When you say that men often find purpose in serving and protecting their Dommes, I agree with that. I've always hoped to find a relationship along those lines. It just seems to me that in real life, that dynamic goes directly against the humiliating activities that turn us on.

< Message edited by Sherrr -- 10/23/2011 7:43:49 AM >

(in reply to Matildax21x)
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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 9:02:25 AM   
Matildax21x


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/22/2011
Status: offline 		I suppose I let my liberal feminist get away from me a bit. Yes, our society teaches us these things. I believe it is out duty to try to be more enlightened abut gender and gender roles. I would look into feminist writings. A lot of information can be found online. Even gender and gender role text books can give you a broader perspective on the way we treat men and women. Remember that there are more than two genders though and also not to exclude trans individuals.

(in reply to Sherrr)
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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 11:00:47 AM   
Sherrr


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/25/2011
Status: offline 		No one else has an opinion? Darn.

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 11:38:57 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Is that something that a femdom ever really does? I'd have thought it's the male sub's own energy, and how he directs it, that is what's responsible for preserving his strength and manliness.

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 11:51:01 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		It's slower on the weekend here...

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 12:01:07 PM   
Sherrr


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Is that something that a femdom ever really does? I'd have thought it's the male sub's own energy, and how he directs it, that is what's responsible for preserving his strength and manliness.


That's what I've always hoped for. However, it seems as though the most common fantasy among both dominant women and submissive men is for the man to be reduced to a quivering, spineless mass...all the time. Seems to me like that doesn't work in real life. For one thing, men not attractive when they're like that.

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 12:05:34 PM   
Matildax21x


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/22/2011
Status: offline 		Well beauty is in the eye of the beholder. While I am of the mind that I like my men...well, men, some women are into the quivering spineless mass haha

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 1:11:03 PM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sherrr
For those ladies that have a male slave, how do you balance your relationship so that his strength and manliness doesn't get lost in the slaveliness? After all, the testosterone is what attracts us in the first place, right?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sherrr
When you say that men often find purpose in serving and protecting their Dommes, I agree with that. I've always hoped to find a relationship along those lines. It just seems to me that in real life, that dynamic goes directly against the humiliating activities that turn us on.

At this very moment in time, I do not have a sub, but when I did have one, he enjoyed both serving and protecting me. I like my men manly and I'm not into humiliation, so it was never an issue for me how to balance the two. I'm more into personal service, impact/pain/sensation playing. Humiliation, not so much.

(in reply to Sherrr)
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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 1:30:10 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Okay, how many real life femdoms do you know?

I know and have known PLENTY in addition to the one I look at in the mirror. I have indeed created a quivering spineless mess or two--after a really spectacular scene, and an explosive orgasm or two. The rest of the time? Who do you know IN REAL LIFE, that wants a high maintenance jellyfish?

Whenever someone starts talking about "most commmon fantasy", I have to wonder what their sources are.

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 1:38:00 PM   
myrgth


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/20/2011
Status: offline 		Perhaps it's more a matter of balancing the idea in your own mind.  Nothing you do or say directly affects his manliness, strength or testosterone (unless you chemically or surgically alter aspects of his body).  Perhaps it is that you perceive 'slaveliness' as less manly and it effects how you view him as opposed to him actually being changed in some way.

It might be a big male sub/slave fantasy to be reduced to 'a spineless, quivering mass all the time' but I'm not sure I would go with the idea that many dominas are into it on an all the time basis.
I know for myself, spineless would never be attractive.  Whimpering and quivering...oh, now that's a whole 'nother story.  I don't equate whimpering, begging, panting, quivering, etc. to be spineless on his part - simply a physical  and auditory response to specific stimuli.  It doesn't make him less manly in my eyes, it often makes him more.  A weak, pathetic, spineless man could never handle me.



(in reply to Sherrr)
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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 2:41:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		OP, that's a porn fantasy, the spineless worm or jellyfish. It's not what people with experience in a stable relationship have happen.

You enjoy humiliation in scene, so do it just then. The rest of the time treat him like the valuable resource he is; a smart man with experiences and knowledge that differ from yours, and use him to achieve a better outcome for the both of you.

It doesn't matter if you both enjoy calling him a lowly worm in scene, as long as you leave it in the playroom. Or are you saying that you have trouble seeing him as other than that once you have done this in play?


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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 3:06:45 PM   
MistressLilliana


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/7/2011
Status: offline 		First I must say that testosterone is not what attracts me, part of it is physical attractiveness and most of it is the personality and ability...Also, I could be wrong but when you say strength, is that physical strength and protectiveness? I like to think of myself as protection them AND working on getting my black belt in Martial Arts, I am stronger physically than many guys in my class. If you want a more manly sub/slave then you'd find it more in the personality than anything...I know guys who aren't gay but are relatively wimpy or more feminine and its just how they are.

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 4:05:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's rare that I read a whole thread and still have no idea of what the OP is talking about.  What is it exactly that leads you to think that a person having a submissive role in a dynamic drops a male's testosterone levels?  If we choose to engage in a scene that includes humiliation, that doesn't mean that he is humiliated from there to ever more and it suddenly changes the way that he interacts with the Dominant or with those out in the world.  The only time that I want him in a quivering pile of flesh is when I'm beating him.  That doesn't effect the way he is any other time. 

Engaging in BDSM doesn't make any submissive less of a man that it makes someone of the opposite gender less than a women.


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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 6:08:09 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

  What is it exactly that leads you to think that a person having a submissive role in a dynamic drops a male's testosterone levels? 



This.



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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 6:12:49 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Engaging in BDSM doesn't make any submissive less of a man that it makes someone of the opposite gender less than a women.



Yep, that crossed my mind, too. I do appreciate gentleness in a woman and I don't expect less of it in a femdom . . . excepting, perhaps, at certain times. In general - well, is a femdom ever less of a woman because she's a femdom? That, I hope, is just a rhetorical question . . . .

Now here's an interesting little thing to consider. Whenever I visit Mrs Palmer, I always fantasise about submissive things. But immediately after - I have an urge to put on the gutsiest music I have. And go to the gym.

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 6:22:53 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		I think the OP has made the BIG mistake of thinking that male subs are more feminine than not.  Actually, the best male slaves (IMHO - and experience, BTW) are those that are powerful in the sense that they have multiple burdens on them during their routine days.  An example:  The CEO, making decisions involving hundreds of people and millions of dollars on a daily basis.

What a better release of all that tension than to arrive "home" and walk in, strip naked, and kneel before his Mistress / Master as his collar is put on?  Service ensuses with no decisions to be made, no responsibilites other than to make sure the morning coffee is perfect, and so on.

It's called "POWER EXCHANGE" for a reason!

Your undersatnding of a Mistress / slave dynamic might be quite a bit different from this briefest of scenarios, but male slaves need NOT be feminine as you think they must be.  Possibly, those types of "sissy bois" are knocking on your door to the exclusion of others.  I get them all the time.  I tell them, "I am looking for a man, not a woman. Get it?"

Change your "bait" and see if you can catch something different, 'K?

// Lance goes off to check your profile. //

// Back //

Seems to be okay,  If you want to be less negative, just  reverse the sides of your statement.  You have, "Not older than 30," or something, So turn it around to "I'm looking for less than 30."

Lots of people on her simply do NOT read profiles.  Nothing can be done.  You might just type "I don't see a match.  Thanks for writing, Good luck in your search."  That is, if you want to write anything.  The delete button and the block buttons are your friends.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 10/23/2011 6:54:23 PM >

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 6:58:19 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		I participated in a study at "Thunder In The Mountains" one year.  Saliva test for testosterone before and after play.  Third party evaluators on "intesity" of play.  Results? No change, no way, no how.

ETA:  I stand corrected!  Just back from reading the actual PDF file.  Seems that an increase in testosterone was seen in female bottoms!

Cortisol increased in all, but increased more for all bottoms regardless of gender than for tops.  That is, everyone got closer, which led to the clonclusion that BDSM might be "good" for all.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 10/23/2011 7:43:17 PM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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RE: Male Slaves and Achieving Balance in the Relationship - 10/23/2011 7:25:42 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

how do you balance your relationship so that his strength and manliness doesn't get lost in the slaveliness?
I would advise him to ask himself one simple question: What would Roch do? And then just to follow that lead.

Actually, I would advise that any male <or lesbian> sub ask this question regularly. WWRD should be their mantra.

(in reply to Sherrr)
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