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How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a slave - 5/25/2006 4:55:12 AM   
indianslave37


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		I am continuously torn in dilemma between doing a 24/7 slavery and supporting my family/being with them. Can one be a slave and a family person at the same time? How do you explain this to your own conscience? How do you live with it? Your culture may never allow to declare yourself a slave officially to all.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 5:48:11 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indianslave37

I am continuously torn in dilemma between doing a 24/7 slavery and supporting my family/being with them. Can one be a slave and a family person at the same time? How do you explain this to your own conscience? How do you live with it? Your culture may never allow to declare yourself a slave officially to all.


I'm going to assume you mean family as in parents, brothers, sisters, etc and not wife and kids cause that's a different problem.

Erotic or consensual slavery need not limit your mundane life very much -- its all a matter of what you and an owner want and what your mundane life will allow. Fox has fantasies about being encased in rubber 24/7 but I told him to win a really big lottery if he wanted that so he can live out his fantasy and afford the rubber. I'd love to have a personal assistant who was on hand 24/7 to take dictation, check my writing, read to me when my eyes get tired, and do some chores to free me up -- yeah, again, when I make enough to support an extra person that will be far more likely to happen.

As to your conscious, try to figure out what is bothering you? Are you lying to people? Are you sneaking around? How much do they really need to know? What is appropriate for them to know in your society?

If you discover that you want to share more than what is appropriate then you need to try and figure out what motivates you. Do you want to shock them? Do you feel lonely? Are you being pressured by your dominant?

You have to figure out what the limits are, what you want, what your partner wants, and what your mundane life requires before you figure out how to do 24/7 and whose business that will be.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 5:58:53 AM   
indianslave37


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		By family I mean wife and kids. It would have been relatively easier if I had been single with parents.
So far, I have not been out on the subject at all. I have acted as slave in sessions.I do not have a permanant dom yet. I do not think I can be out in Indian society, which is much more conservative.
I do not know. Maybe the solution is to continue having these "secret" sessions, with heavy sexual overtones.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 6:02:22 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indianslave37

By family I mean wife and kids. It would have been relatively easier if I had been single with parents.
So far, I have not been out on the subject at all. I have acted as slave in sessions.I do not have a permanant dom yet. I do not think I can be out in Indian society, which is much more conservative.
I do not know. Maybe the solution is to continue having these "secret" sessions, with heavy sexual overtones.


I cannot offer any advice then since this is about your wife and kids because I have none; it is completely outside of my knowledge and personal ethics range.

I'm sorry.

I hope others can help you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 6:17:53 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indianslave37
I am continuously torn in dilemma between doing a 24/7 slavery and supporting my family/being with them. Can one be a slave and a family person at the same time? How do you explain this to your own conscience? How do you live with it? Your culture may never allow to declare yourself a slave officially to all.

I'm just me.  I don't ACT differently "because I'm a slave."

There's always going to be occasional moments of friction, but really, we're all just out there living lives as normal.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 6:43:16 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		My first question always is........Have you approached your wife about DOMINATING you or sitting in on a session?  If not, why not.  Educate her, show her the benefits to her as well as yourself.  Buy a book that gives the pros and cons of BDSM from a realistic standpoint (anyone feel free to recommend one).  Talking to her about it now is MUCH better than having her find out about your infidelity and your (sick twisted perverse (as the general public thinks about us)) desires as a suprise.  You might get outed in an extremely negative way if she is suprised by it.

Don't kid yourself about the Indian Community being more conservative than other races of people.  I live in Oklahoma, there are just as many Kinky Indian people as any other.

Also show her that it isn't all about sex.  It is about being what a REAL man is...Loyal, Loving and Obedient.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 6:45:11 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

By family I mean wife and kids. It would have been relatively easier if I had been single with parents.
So far, I have not been out on the subject at all. I have acted as slave in sessions.I do not have a permanant dom yet. I do not think I can be out in Indian society, which is much more conservative.
I do not know. Maybe the solution is to continue having these "secret" sessions, with heavy sexual overtones.

indianslave37


There was a worthy discussion of "Married Men as Doms" on the "Ask a Master" forum which might provide you some helpful insight.  In brief, E/everyone seemed to feel honesty -- with wife and with your intended Dom/me -- was a key factor.  i would also add that if it your intention to remain married (and possibly even if it is not) that you need to reflect on what you wish to attain from your wife as well as your intended Dom/me, and draw up some boundaries in your own mind that suit you and E/everyone else who is or may be involved.  For example, you might decide to reserve sexual penetration for your wife and adhere to that boundary...and share that decision with your wife and your intended Dom/me.  You might decide to erect certain barriers so that your intended Dom/me and your wife are never dealing directly with O/one A/another.  These are just examples.
 
i'm not familiar with Indian culture, and do not know whether you live on a reservation, but you might also consult a kink-friendly attorney and ask about your rights under national or provincial laws.  Here in the USA, the federal governmenet has (imho) openly begun to attack the BDSM community.
 
Apparently you are bisexual, and this too may be an impetus for ethical reflection and discussion with both your wife and your intended Dom/me.  Some women feel the risk of std's is too great to have sex with a practicing bisexual M/man.  Some do not.  It is a choice your wife should be given, in the spirit of integrity and honesty, unless circumstances prevent you from doing so.  I
 
f your bisexuality is something else you need to reveal to your wife and your intended Dom/me, on top of BDSM, be sensitive to the possibility that that may be a tremendous amount for A/anyone to process at once, particularly someone vanilla.  i urge you to be prepared for T/their processing time.  Be supportive and answer T/their questions as well as you can.
 
i see no reason to discuss your play/sex life with your little ones.  i have one of my own and feel this part of my life is too intimate to share with my little one. A boundary exists between us on sexual matters which we have agreed will be crossed only in the event my little one needs my help.  (And of course in my little one's mind, i am "mom" and have no sex life whatsoever, lmao.)  Frankly, i do not want to "turn my little one on" to BDSM ; i have concerns enough about the people my little one dates now.  (Motherly sigh.)
 
As for A/anyone else: employers, neighbors, your circle of vanilla friends, etc., i see no purpose in "outting" yourself.  Irrespective of any additional issues raised by your Indian heritage/ethnicity/affiliation, these people may respond poorly to their first exposure to BDSM, and condemn the practictioner.  By "outting" yourself to your "community" you'd also be creating potential problems for your wife and little ones, and i can think of no ethical impetus for informing against their best interests.
 
In my own life, only my BDSM friends and my vanilla girlfriends know i am a submissive.  My vanilla girlfriends are The Bomb and will take the information to their graves, and it's hilarious how intrigued they are by what i am doing.  Naturally, my BDSM friends know i'm submissive, and T/they are a true blessing in my life. 
 
If anyone else in my family were to find out, there'd be such a s**tstorm it'd be noticable from the space station, lmao, and i see no reason to put myself through that drama.  Frankly, it's just none of their business what i do.  (My family is one of those that put the "fun" in dysfunctional.)
 
Lastly, if you come to collarme from a work or home pc, i'd suggest you remove your picture from your profile, adding in your written profile that you are willing to share a picture with Someone when approriate.  Set your "history" at "0" and remove cookies and temporaray files daily, as you depart the site.  My browser is set to "0" history and yet i have a "pull down" list of familiar sites on my addy bar; i have no idea how to remove this feature, and i do not really need to.  You may need such information.
 
One of my submissive girlfriend's was "outted" at her workplace because a f**ktard coworker used her history function to see where she had been online while at work; distributed rather graphic pictures of her taken from this site to the supervisory staff and placed her job at risk, not to mention creating a very hostile workplace for her.  She had to hire an employment lawyer, yada, yada, yada...so i am not speaking hypothetically. 
 
As well, if you share the pc you come here on with your little ones, as most people know, they are generally adept at getting into sites they should not.  Certainly, that is no way you'd want your little ones to learn anything about you.  There are software programs which supposedly protect littleones from adult materials, such as net nanny, but i have been told that most little ones have no difficulty getting past them, so my best advice is not to leave any trail of breadcrumbs for them to follow.
 
Perhaps S/someone with greater computer skills than i can offer you additional advice on this matter.  Yahoo Instant Messenger and other IM programs present similar issues, in part because of archiving features.

i hope this post helps you.  If ever you wish, feel free to email me on the other side.  Welcome to the message boards and thank you for a most thought-provoking Op.  Many blessings on you.
 
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/25/2006 7:50:42 AM >

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 7:29:41 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

BBBTBW: Don't kid yourself about the Indian Community being more conservative than other races of people.  I live in Oklahoma, there are just as many Kinky Indian people as any other.


quote:

candystripper: i'm not familiar with Native American culture, and do not know whether you live on a reservation, but you might also consult a kink-friendly attorney and ask about your rights and obligations under federal or state law, whichever applies. 

 
Ladies, this gentleman is from Calcutta INDIA. He's NOT a Native American, he's Indian; a politically correct term for people from the country of India.

The culture is very formal and still class biased and based. Marriages are arranged prior to birth in some instances. Sometimes toddlers are "married" and a bride grows up with her spouse. Homosexuality is very much a social stigma. I won't pretend to know all the cultural differences, but I've seen and read that homosexuality is not accepted; although there is one segment of men who live as woman who and are paid to attend weddings and other functions to bring luck and good fortune to the event. I would imagine that there are some counseling resources in India, the man's profile claims he is in Calcutta, but very few.

It still comes down to integrity and honesty, but the conditions that indianslave37 has to deal with don't compare to anyone dealing with the same problem in the US. The culture and background of all the parties involved can not be excluded from any solution offered.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 7:47:05 AM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indianslave37

I am continuously torn in dilemma between doing a 24/7 slavery and supporting my family/being with them. Can one be a slave and a family person at the same time? How do you explain this to your own conscience? How do you live with it? Your culture may never allow to declare yourself a slave officially to all.


It would appear that you are divided between two very different cultures.  If you are interested in 24/7 slavery to someone, as opposed to being a father and a husband to others, I do not believe you can effectively bridge that gap.  If you decided to give yourself to slavery, it would mean total immersion into and a total commitment to the lifesyle.  There would be little or no room for anything else. 

Assuming that you have children, I think you owe it to them to be a father, at least until they reach legal age.  They are your responsibility, and I do not believe that your conscience would tell you otherwise.
 
Good luck to you.   

_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 7:58:50 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Ladies, this gentleman is from Calcutta INDIA. He's NOT a Native American, he's Indian; a politically correct term for people from the country of India.

Mercnbeth


Yes i realise that Mnb, but the boards only permit a certain amount of time to "edit" a post and mine ran out.  Also You quotted me whilst i was in the editing process, but You could not have known that.
 
To the Op:  my apologies for the reference to "living on a reservation" which remains in my previous post; i cannot edit it out now.
 
To Mnb: yes, i should have clued in that a Native American would have referenced his tribe, and probably not referred to himself as an "Indian".  *Big sigh*.  Blame on the bosanova.
 
candystripper


< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/25/2006 8:12:40 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 8:04:09 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline


quote:

ORIGINAL: indianslave37
I am continuously torn in dilemma between doing a 24/7 slavery and supporting my family/being with them. Can one be a slave and a family person at the same time? How do you explain this to your own conscience? How do you live with it? Your culture may never allow to declare yourself a slave officially to all.

indinaslave37


quote:

I'm just me.  I don't ACT differently "because I'm a slave."

There's always going to be occasional moments of friction, but really, we're all just out there living lives as normal.

LuckyAlbatross


LA, if you didn't want to respond to the Op, just don't post anything.  Congratulations on a having relatively friction-free life, but your situation and his and like night and day.

Btw, where is this allegeded concern for newbies you recently laid claim to?

candystripper


< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/25/2006 8:07:06 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 8:41:09 AM   
babyblues


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		i don't know much about the Indian culture so i can't comment on that....i worry about you though - i can feel how torn you are - it feels as though you are being pulled apart.....i don't think you can keep on this way and you may need to really sit down and evaluate which is more important to you - your family or your needs as a slave....is there any possibility that your wife could be your Dominant? if you are naturally submissive, perhaps she is naturally Dominant....
 
i know it is a huge risk to approach this subject with her.....perhaps you could go about it in a round about way - start a discussion about "something you saw on tv" to gauge her opinions....i wish you the best of luck and happiness....

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 10:23:52 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
I have read your post many times, and I unfortunately find myself at a loss. The world is totally different for you there in Bengal than it is for me here in the US. Any advice I would even try to give would be ignorant and speculative at best.
I really feel for you and your plight. You may not have the options available to you that we have here. Since I’m unaware of what your options are, I just can’t comment much.
You, however, do know your options. Look them over wisely, keeping all parties in mind. That’s really the best any of us can do, is make decisions based on what we feel in our heart is best for ourselves and our families.
Good luck. I wish I had more to offer.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 2:40:05 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think the OP is Indian as in from the nation of India....

Correct me Mr. OP if I'm incorrect here.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/25/2006 2:43:21 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

It still comes down to integrity and honesty, but the conditions that indianslave37 has to deal with don't compare to anyone dealing with the same problem in the US. The culture and background of all the parties involved can not be excluded from any solution offered.


How many of us then can honestly offer helpful information?

I know a few graduate students from India well enough to know that some thing that could resemble BDSM do exist but they are very private things.

I think a professional counselor or a religious figure from his own community would be best able to give the OP the answers and advice he needs.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/29/2006 2:39:52 AM   
indianslave37


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		I am really thankful for such a wonderful response to my dilemma. Candystripper has really analyzed well and some of her tips are really useful.. Thanks to Mercnbeth for understanding my culture(though India today has largely moved away from what they have explained).
I think I can conclude that the solution lies within me. Well, I would not attempt this with my wife(One again has to understand Indian culture to appreciate that). I would not disclose to my friends, community, children(definitely not!!). I would continue to search for a mistress who has the same passion and need for secrecy as me, so that I find a person of same wavelength.
I pray to God to give me strength to carry out these dual roles for rest of my life

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/29/2006 4:11:20 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I used to know a married submale who counselled other men in vanilla relationships to be as submissive to their wife and their wife's needs as possible. His contention was that the more a man submitted to his wife, the more dominant the wife became until, over time, she became his Mistress.

How that would work in your cultural setting, I don't know, but it's worth a try at least.

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/29/2006 4:48:48 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I think living a double life for the rest of your life will not only be exhausting, but also detrimental in the end.  However, given the Indian culture, it may be your only choice.  However, sublizzie does make an interesting suggestion.  Doing this may not lead to satisfaction of all your needs, but it may well ease some of the day to day discomfort you experience.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/29/2006 7:52:45 AM   
indianslave37


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		You know something? I somehow can not look at my wife as a dom. Not that I am a MCP or I like to be dominant with her. It is just that my heart gets filled with simple straight love when I think about her. Thats one of the main reasons I have not been able to bring myself up to discuss with her till date.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How easy or tough it is to be "Out" as a ... - 5/29/2006 7:57:47 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		If you love her, then can you really entertain the idea of leaving her and the children behind to live as a 24/7 slave? 

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to indianslave37)
Profile   Post #: 20
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