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iliv2servher -> RE: Re: accepting of hard limits?? (5/27/2006 12:10:45 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
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ORIGINAL: iliv2servher
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ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
Name me any reason to push a limit, and I will rebut it with a comment about adulthood and maturity of two people engaging in consensual acts.
With all due respect to your point of view, what would happen if we simply stuck to our old limits and didn't, for whatever reason, go forward and expand upon those limits? Wouldn't the fantasies that we longed to play out and the fetishes that we once liked eventually become old and boring?
Granted, hard limits when there are health and safety issues is a good thing, but the thought of being satisfied with the old status quo is hardly an exciting prospect.
I have always viewed S&M as a new horizon to explore...and something with endless possibilities. It is easy to see that what we learn here is something that we can use in our everyday lives. What good is life without being able to explore new thoughts and ideas? What good is life without mental, emotional, spiritual and intellictual growth? The only way we will ever survive as a species is through experimentation. Science is all about taking the hypothetical and asking the eternal question, "What if...?"
We are only limited by the scope of our imagination.
I have no problem with people expanding their horizons. In fact, I very much encourage people to do so. I just don't feel it is my place as a Dominant to expand those horizons for someone else. If my sub/slave has a limit against something, that limit is there for a reason and I respect that. It's not my place to try to manipulate them out of that limit or push them into something they may or may not be ready for.
I'd like to being by saying this: Hard limits are there for a reason, usually for health and safety. Other limits (some refer to them as "soft limits") are often subject to change because of our growth cycle. I am certainly not advocating that you or anyone else try to manipulate those limits. All that I am saying here is that it has been my experince that we tend to change the boundaries of those "soft limits" when we are in an exporation mode. The pushing of limits should always be discussed and agreed to between both or all participants before the actual encounter takes place.
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If and when s/he decides they want to give it a try, I'm usually more than happy to help him/her down that path of experimentation into the unknown. But it is his or her choice to go there. Not mine. It is his or her choice to take that activity off the limit list and place it in the experimentation list. I don't think that just because I am a Dominant, I have the right to push limits. Limits are limits. That's the one place I have no authority over my submissives. Their limits are their field, their turf.
Exactly! And I totally agree with you. In the real world, no one has to the right to change the boundaries of our limitations without the parties involved being in mutual agreement.
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My point isn't that limits should be static. It's that limits should stay in the submissive's control, not mine. My submissives are adults, capable of making decisions about if/when/how they want to keep or eliminate their own limits.
Yes, I agree completely. In the world of consentual relationships (24/7or "casual" play), and assuming that these hypothetical submissives have the capacity to make informed decisions, I believe that it is incombent upon the domme to respect those limits and adhere to them. I beleive that most responsible dommes (those with whom I had had associations with) are careful to make sure that the submissive has a reasonable expectation of safety, and that the scene not exceed their comfort zone.
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