RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/27/2006 7:01:26 PM)

Anyone that would even begin to think I am perfect would have to be deaf and blind or just frighteningly delusional.



Dustyn -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/30/2006 3:40:37 AM)

I'd be willing to bet that you are the best you that you can be, Tigress. *smirk*  I know I couldn't do a better job of being you than you have already done.



Skuggi -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/30/2006 5:32:45 AM)

It's like the folks said, it's always best to confront ones demons - in my case I do it head on - I had the similar problem few years ago - had to be really careful about hiding my lifestyle from work and etc.
But i'm headstrong and stubborn so I just became my own boss :-) - opened up my own company and never been more pleased with myself.

Some people I personally know (dominant), are in your shoes and have people above them and they feel like they have a weekness.

Basically, view your options and see what you want - if you want to continue having those feelings and if not, what can you do about them.
Life is too short and precious to waste in on something that brings your down.

Hope you find your peace of mind.



Dustyn -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/30/2006 5:07:24 PM)

quote:

It's like the folks said, it's always best to confront ones demons


Easier said than done.  Most demons like to play Hide and Go Seek in the mind.



UtopianRanger -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 2:23:13 AM)



I'm really behind reading the threads on this part of the board and I'm sorry I'm late on this one.

Two things :

I don't pick a potential partner because I think they are stronger than me, I pick them because I am attracted to them. I don't even remotely look at that way. I pick them because I want them and never because I need them.

Now the other thing is :  If you feel comfortable, please expound with specifics regards your personal problems with this harsh manager. I know many here have spent a day managing people; maybe they could offer some insight /strategy in dealing with this person effectively.  


- R  


PS - I didn't read any of the responses before I posted so if this has already been covered...... well!!  



fldrkhorse -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 5:28:55 AM)

To share a weakness with a submissive shows a true sign of confidence and strength....
 
And trust.



MHOO314 -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 6:37:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger



Now the other thing is :  If you feel comfortable, please expound with specifics regards your personal problems with this harsh manager. I know many here have spent a day managing people; maybe they could offer some insight /strategy in dealing with this person effectively.  


- R  




smiles, not it hasn't been covered yet---so if I can hit the high points:
 
  • First of all, I have been a manager in the past for another company and was a darn good one--so My tolerance level for one who sucks is way lower
  • She is 7 years younger and looks way older that I do, her first comments were about My cologne, jewelry, My nails--
  • Then she started hammering on the perception of Me "by the execs"--now mind you, these execs haven't changed--I am a 5 time award winner for programs developed--"you need to change the image people have you.. there are some that don't love you.."

As you can see, there is nothing there that one can take management to court about, unless pinkee sees something---(she was an atty)--but it is all subjective as there isn't anything specific that one can address and show growth or change, IMHO---
 
hope this helps clarify..



MochaMistress -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 6:53:55 AM)

I fear that I will not continue to climb the corporate ladder without my B.A degree which I have no more time to pursue with my hectic work schedule. I took Statistics twice last year and failed both times due to lack of time to put in to my assignments and studies. And I fear that I may have reached the point in my life where my brain just refuses to focus on academics anymore. Very hard for a person that is used to carrying a 3.50 GPA.



Dustyn -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 9:43:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse

To share a weakness with a submissive shows a true sign of confidence and strength....
 
And trust.


Yeah, but it's nice to do something like this and have that trust returned in kind...



MrRodgers -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 10:12:52 AM)

The word is insecurities (LA) and insecurity is a fact of life. We all do what we can to overcome them and soon they are not insecurities anymore. In fact, some that were can become strengths. As for how all of this would appear to my sub/slave..she need not know how I feel inside about such matters. It is not wrong to shield your sub/slave from most of reality's swirling complexities, whether a terrible boss (change jobs) or any other person or circumstance. It does nothing for a master to 'rant' 'complain' 'bitch' or whine about to his sub, something outside of her control and particularly because she has none. There is nothing a sub/slave can do or be looked upon to do about any suspected 'achilles heel' in her master. The 'mastering' of life includes the home and outside the home and is the domain of the master and the master only problems and all. My problems are my problems and any sub/slaves problems are also my problems and it is for me to address them all and alone.



Dustyn -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 4:21:33 PM)

Ahhhh, the Superman complex... works great in theory... sucks in application...



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 6:34:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
There is nothing a sub/slave can do or be looked upon to do about any suspected 'achilles heel' in her master.

That's where you're wrong.  What makes you think that "not being a dominant" means someone is incapable of helping "a dominant" with those things?

quote:

My problems are my problems and any sub/slaves problems are also my problems and it is for me to address them all and alone.

If that's how you want to work your relationship, that's perfectly fine.  But wanting your relationship to work in tht way in NO way  means that slaves are, as an orientation, incapable of of helping their masters with their insecurities.



feastie -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 6:58:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

The word is insecurities (LA) and insecurity is a fact of life. We all do what we can to overcome them and soon they are not insecurities anymore. In fact, some that were can become strengths. As for how all of this would appear to my sub/slave..she need not know how I feel inside about such matters. It is not wrong to shield your sub/slave from most of reality's swirling complexities, whether a terrible boss (change jobs) or any other person or circumstance. It does nothing for a master to 'rant' 'complain' 'bitch' or whine about to his sub, something outside of her control and particularly because she has none. There is nothing a sub/slave can do or be looked upon to do about any suspected 'achilles heel' in her master. The 'mastering' of life includes the home and outside the home and is the domain of the master and the master only problems and all. My problems are my problems and any sub/slaves problems are also my problems and it is for me to address them all and alone.


So, you haven't yet realized that you're not actually ten feet tall and bullet proof? 



Wolfie648 -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (5/31/2006 11:37:50 PM)

quote:

So what are your thoughts about You as a Dominant, do you "hide" your fears, your weaknesses? Submissives--how do you feel when a Dominant has a weakness, an achilles heel where life can control them?


Interesting  question.

My first 'slave' (lol I had no conception at the time (thought I did), but live and learn) I _think_ wanted me to own her like I do my current slave. I wasn't quite prepared to 'be all I could be' at the time (like I say live and learn).

Noone is perfect: Dom/me/Master/slave/sub/person. If they are and reading this feel free to give lessons.

Yes there is more to this but I think that will suffice for most.

D (owner of j)



UtopianRanger -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (6/1/2006 1:07:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger



Now the other thing is :  If you feel comfortable, please expound with specifics regards your personal problems with this harsh manager. I know many here have spent a day managing people; maybe they could offer some insight /strategy in dealing with this person effectively.  


- R  




smiles, not it hasn't been covered yet---so if I can hit the high points:
 
  • First of all, I have been a manager in the past for another company and was a darn good one--so My tolerance level for one who sucks is way lower
  • She is 7 years younger and looks way older that I do, her first comments were about My cologne, jewelry, My nails--
  • Then she started hammering on the perception of Me "by the execs"--now mind you, these execs haven't changed--I am a 5 time award winner for programs developed--"you need to change the image people have you.. there are some that don't love you.."

As you can see, there is nothing there that one can take management to court about, unless pinkee sees something---(she was an atty)--but it is all subjective as there isn't anything specific that one can address and show growth or change, IMHO---
 
hope this helps clarify..


Well.... I know this won't do much for your ego, but how bout just ''killing her kindness'' - Sometimes that tactic really works and you could possibly make a new friend that way. I'd also say ignore the jealousy part - You're far better than that - That's a weakness on her part.



 - R



soulfulkitten -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (6/1/2006 6:06:48 AM)

Hello everyone,

i personally feel that it is a good thing when a couple whether D/s or not shares their hopes/fears/dreams etc together.  It is called building a life together and trusting one another.

Ok, saying all that, there are times that one must draw a line as well though.  Case in point, my last partner had a problem that was intermittent.  i tried dealing with it with him, but then he did it on the sly, so i put my foot down that it was unacceptable in my home with my kids.  Unfortunately, he was unable to cope, and i had to realize this was not the time for him and i.  Did it break my heart, omg yes.  But i think it was the right thing to do.  Do i feel callous and shallow at times, darned right, but then i still have to look out for me, as right now he is unable to do that with a clear head.

Just my .02

soulfulkitten



Submotive -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (6/26/2006 11:46:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Anyone that would even begin to think I am perfect would have to be deaf and blind or just frighteningly delusional.

[:D]LMAO - only because of Your humor and i identify



Submotive -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (6/26/2006 11:56:14 AM)

quote:

As you can see, there is nothing there that one can take management to court about, unless pinkee sees something---(she was an atty)--but it is all subjective as there isn't anything specific that one can address and show growth or change, IMHO---

The most treacherous enemies, the most devastatingly destructive forces are those disguised, whether consciously or unconsciously, as those who are experts in "appearing" helpful and sincere while their hidden agenda is to demolish. The most frightening ones are those who believe in their own disguise.
 
Walk softly and carry one helluva whip. And, as always, i am here and constantly mindful of how wonderful You are, how brilliant You are and how much You have already added to this girl's life.



wild1cfl -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (6/26/2006 12:00:44 PM)

You are not alone, I had a similiar situation where after I decided to move back to Arizona from Florida, where a had an excellent paying job with great benefits, I found myself in a posiiton with a female manager who was half my age adn had much less experience than me. She delighted in pointing out my shortcomings that were due mostly to my age, of basically not being able to move as fast as her. I finally ended up having bypass surgery due to the stress of the job and other conditions. I was not able to return to work and basically aplied for disability.  While at the time I thought this was the worst that could happen and I also was worried about taking care of my wife and children.  What I now have realized is that I can turn my efforts into other things that I love to do, I am working on another cookbook, of which I have contributed to 4 already for other people, but this one is all mine. I have found other ways ot make money and take careof my family, but I definitely understand your situation.
Now as far as my submissive's understanding, they know that no one is perfect. She knows that I have medical conditions which limit some types of play and she understands. We talk all the time about our relationship and how we can improve it together.



gentlethistle -> RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel (6/26/2006 12:20:00 PM)

I'll echo what most have already said.  I certainly wouldn't think any less of a dominant for having fears or problems in their life and, indeed, I would far rather be aware of them than be kept in the dark.  I think it only adds to my respect to see someone dealing with adversity.  I suppose it might reduce my respect for someone if I felt that they had no coping strategies at all to manage their fears and were completely out of control as a result.  But I would far prefer to be part of a coping strategy by being available to listen than be shut out and excluded.

From a submissive point of view, if fears and weakness are hidden but still affecting a dominant I think it would be only too easy to conclude that I'm doing something wrong to upset him/her, and this is somehow all 'my fault'.  Equally, being aware that a dominant is having a hard time right now might encourage me not to be too whiney and demanding on my own behalf....okay, so maybe I shouldn't be those things anyway, but ya know how it is....these things happen some days.

Laura



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