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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/1/2011 10:33:17 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

This is purely for curiosity...but for any Masters or Dominants with sub/slaves, when you first met your sub/slave(s) IRL, was it in a more relaxed, 'vanilla' setting with time for a chat and a drink or whatever or was it formal and 'full on', maybe interview-style from the beginning?

I let myself be pressured into hopping right into a Scene once...never again. I've since gone from Starbucks back to a guy's place, but must have that initial casual vanilla meeting first.

This is great advice:

quote:

I set my own risk tolerance. Especially for a first meeting. Later he might be able to do that for me if I've given that to him, and committed myself to a D/s relationship with him, but in the beginning...that's for me to determine. So many people new to this (and old) let caution fly to the wind and think they aren't supposed to have a say in things pertaining to themselves or that there are some set of rules you are supposed to follow. No, you determine what your boundaries are yourself.

No one else has the right to do that for me before I commit to him. I don't care if a Dominant calls that fake, or not submissive, or what have you, but no one on this earth decides what I will do or what I am comfortable with except for me - until I hand the reins over. I didn't have my own priorities straight back then and fumbled a bit before I realized that it was *my* responsibility. I needed to step up and be intensely aware of what I was comfortable with, set my own risk tolerance level, and then make sure others abided by it.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/2/2011 6:41:17 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteries1984

This is purely for curiosity...but for any Masters or Dominants with sub/slaves, when you first met your sub/slave(s) IRL, was it in a more relaxed, 'vanilla' setting with time for a chat and a drink or whatever or was it formal and 'full on', maybe interview-style from the beginning?

Informal. Starbucks or someplace similar. I want her to feel safe and comfortable. And I'm always polite. But even as I'm sitting there, I'm interviewing, taking note of a hundred million things, looking for red flags.

If things click and I like her, I move right into "charm the pants off of her" mode.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/2/2011 11:05:54 AM

BurntKitty

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My current relationship is long distance. We initially connected on Bondage.com. After months of phone calls, IMs and bantering on the sports forum there (he's in Chicago & a fan of Da Bears, I'm in so Florida, and a NY Jets fan) we made plans to meet here in Fla in July over his birthday. We spent an extended weekend together (Wed-Sun) and he took me to Fetish Con in Tampa. We aren't in a d/s dynamic, however we're definitely in an s & m one though. He's absolutely one of the nicest guys I have ever known. He's sweet, polite, loves my cats (also has a cat in Chicago) ... and that belies the sick, sadistic, twisted man I know and love. Yes, we slept together and played together when we first met. By the time we had finally gotten our schedules cleared, it seemed we had known each other a lifetime, not just months.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/2/2011 7:46:01 PM

BikerDomRealTime

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It was in a public bar/restaurant for a relaxing chat.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/3/2011 12:25:44 AM

SailingBum

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Ehhh I have tons of first date stories... One that comes to mind.. We both flew into vegas from different cities..picked up the rental ..drove the strip stopped by hoover dam got a BJ... went home a couple days later.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/3/2011 6:45:20 AM

NuevaVida

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Chatte and lizi gave some great advice.

The Mister & I talked (phone and email) for a couple of months before meeting for oysters, calamari & a beer, then a walk down the harbor, then a kiss good night. A couple of weeks later we met again for Italian food, then parked near the water and smooched. Our conversations were very casual when we were first getting to know each other, and as we established a comfort level with each other as people. The D/s and later M/s evolved on its own, and in its own time.

My last relationship was much different, as I was very new to exploring this desire of mine to submit and had not yet established healthy boundaries for myself. Our first in-person meet was extremely formal, extremely "M/s", and very intense (in good ways and in not so good ways). It set the theme for what would then be a four-year relationship. I would not do it that way again.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/3/2011 8:11:02 AM

LillyBoPeep

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we didn't meet each other seeking a kinky relationship. we IM'd back and forth for quite a while, and then went to a show together. we kept IMing, and then decided to go on a "date," which was, you guessed it, another show. =p then we became FWBs which transitioned into D/s -- the first day after i officially became his sub was not different from any other day i'd known him. we just now had a word for what we'd been doing all along.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/13/2011 11:54:16 AM

mysteries1984

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Thanks everyone, these are great answers. It was just to satisfy my own curiosity, which has been done. Thanks again :)

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/15/2011 1:55:09 PM

bostondom55

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There is no "norm". I think newbies do tend to focus on checklists, using an interview format or whatever, but age of the parties, experience of each party, length of time communicating all are important factors.

I personally favor a low key informal vanilla type no-strings meeting. Besides, asking if somebody wants to be tied up and ass fucked on the first date might raise some eyebrows of anyone within ear shot. Better to be discrete than offend anyone. One sub I met wanted to play right away, rather than use the safe & sane guidelines, but we had been emailing for a while and she was very comfortable with me in person.

I have met & played with several subs after a first meeting, and greatly enjoyed it, but again, we had been in touch for a while and I'm older, which is a factor. I can offer references to a prospective play partner. A more mature woman generally knows what she wants. Besides, you can always have a safe call or other safety net if you want to have a friend to check in with.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/15/2011 6:10:05 PM

mstrj69

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If she is local or within driving distance, it definitely is very vanilla and can take weeks or even months before we move into a formal relationship.

If her flight is a couple of hours and there is a long distance, I plan on a two week visit and start it off with just getting to know the area or showing her around so she can see all the sights. When or if she feels it is right, we move into a D/s relationship. If she is unsure, she or myself returns home and we see if we want to meet for another two weeks or just let it go by the way side.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/15/2011 8:00:11 PM

anniezz338

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FR
After one IM, we decided to meet at Macy's. We asked for fitting room number 4 and had a long and cozy meet and greet. I kinda wish we had asked for a bigger fitting room...but other than that, it went great :).

Actually, i would kinda like my underwear back but c'est la vie.

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RE: Meeting for the first time - 11/15/2011 11:32:45 PM

MasterSlaveLA