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RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 6:48:05 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Eye contact restrictions. My late husband used to have me look at the floor, usually when I was in a state of...what should I call it...a state of agitated violence...meaning that I was seriously looking to hurt someone, which in turn would just really hurt me because...well, he fought back lol.

Seriously though, when I got in a state like that, He would grab me, push me to my knees, force me to stay there, literally, and tell me to stare at the floor and think about calming down. Most times, he had to forcefully hold my head down until I got control of myself. Then, he would let me go, but tell me to keep looking at the floor.

He told me once that it was his way of forcing me to understand that my anger was harmful and that I needed to learn how to control it; and if he had to force me into that state, he would. I have to admit, even all these years later, when I find myself slipping those reins, I will look at the floor, and breathe deep until I regain control of myself.

I guess it worked.

Not sure if this is what you were looking for though.


that's interesting, IrishMist (i'm following you, oh geeez =p)
my M did something similar, but with making me make eye contact with him. if i was really upset or angry, he'd grab me by the arms and force it.
it's interesting being "made" to look at someone, because you figure you can just close your eyes and look away, except that i couldn't.

eye contact is really powerful for me because it's not generally my "normal" state; and doing it that way would force me to focus, especially compounded with my "you are not allowed to break eye contact" rule.

if he had me make eye contact during something humiliating or particularly harsh, it put me in a totally different headspace -- zoning out or not looking at him would make things easier for me. looking at him made everything more complicated. at times i was a toy to him and eye contact forced acknowledgement of that. and deep down, it was ridiculously powerful, and somehow comforting in spite of terror. =p


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RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 9:56:47 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		*nods*
I would have been on the opposite end of the spectrum. If I was looking in his eyes in that state, all that would happen would I become more determined and agitated to strike out.
For me, forcing me to look away, forces me to focus only on myself and the anger...in a way, it's sort of like taking responsibility for the anger.

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RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 10:00:37 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Sounds like you had a pretty smart Dom there IrishMist. It seems he made you look inside yourself for the reason for your anger and how to conquer it without lashing out. I like that.



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RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 10:16:26 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

*nods*
I would have been on the opposite end of the spectrum. If I was looking in his eyes in that state, all that would happen would I become more determined and agitated to strike out.
For me, forcing me to look away, forces me to focus only on myself and the anger...in a way, it's sort of like taking responsibility for the anger.


that's interesting ^_^
to me, looking away would be clearance to run away. eye contact made me focus and be "in the moment," and that way, i took responsibility, rather than running off.
it's always fascinating how people work and respond to things in so many different ways.


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RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 11:40:06 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

I am sure most have heard of eye contact restrictions but I am looking for what is the purpose of them.   
Is it something that you heard a Dom must do?   Is it because you feel the s type is not worthy to look at you?  Is it a form of objectification?  

This is open to both Dominants and submissives.

Thanks in advance.  




I like to use the restriction of not allowing them to look me in the face. For us it's a way of reminding and reinforcing our status difference -that I am above them, more important, of higher status and that they are below me.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 3:31:18 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		We aren't into protocol or eye contact restrictions, but they did cause a somewhat humorous moment for us once early on in our relationship.  While standing next to me, Firm told me to look straight ahead.  I honestly wanted to do as told, but found myself turning my head and looking at him.  Every time he'd repeat his request, I'd comply but almost immediately return to looking at him.  I couldn't help myself... I was simply drawn to look at him and would unconsciously do so... to the point where it was hard to keep from laughing.

It is so hard to have a serious encounter when you've got the giggles. 

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 3:39:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		During play I'm blindfolded but that's because otherwise I have trouble being in the moment. I'll revert to thinking instead of feeling. Which means I won't be aroused and that's usually what he wants of me then.

I've got to say though, that anybody who really said to me or made it clear to me through his look that he thought I was worthless, is not someone who would ever have the opportunity to look at me again.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 4:42:58 PM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline 		I like eye restrictions, I tell her what to look at, when she is not allowed to look at me, and when to look at me. It's mostly a control thing.
Eyes down when she is being cuffed and collared. Blindfolded some other times.
One of my fav things, make her look at the mirror when she does oral. I don't think she cares for that and gets this angry look in her eyes, but she doesn't stop...

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/4/2011 10:59:13 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

I am sure most have heard of eye contact restrictions but I am looking for what is the purpose of them.   



Could be anything from punishment to scene enhancement.

quote:


Is it something that you heard a Dom must do? 


No, I'm just into it.

quote:


  Is it because you feel the s type is not worthy to look at you?  Is it a form of objectification?  



Not at all, I find it enhances the dynamic. It isn't something to be done lightly, and can be powerfull when used properly. Absolutely it is about objectification. ECR is one of my favorite fetishes. Primarily it is used as humiliation/dehumanization. This is especially powerfull when it is maintained for a full day; then when we are fucking, a firm tug of hair on the head and make her stare directly into my eyes. Fucking powerfull stuff. It doesn't have to be about not letting them look at you at all, so much as not looking at you in the face. As long as the s is attentive and functional, the fact that they cannot look at the person they are talking to, or serving can be very usefull, for both of us. A blindfold, or hood/mask is not any different, the exception perhaps is that you do not generally walk around in public with these items on. However, you can take your s out on the town and make it clear they are not to look anyone in the face, and get quite a powerfull result.

Conversely, and perhaps one of my favorites, is to instruct my s to look everyone in the eyes when talking to them, no matter what the topic is, this can be even more powerfull when used at the right time.

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RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/5/2011 4:30:30 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		Endivius thank you so much.   Your post was helpful and gave me one more thing to ponder.    

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RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/5/2011 5:00:08 AM   
TheFireWithinMe


Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline
quote:

Conversely, and perhaps one of my favorites, is to instruct my s to look everyone in the eyes when talking to them, no matter what the topic is, this can be even more powerfull when used at the right time.


Now THAT would work better with me; I have trouble making and maintaining eye contact, it comes from being so shy most of my life.

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RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/6/2011 9:08:04 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		As a constant thing, eye contact restrictions wouldn't be very useful for me.  On occasion it can be fun.  It depends a lot on the mood and the situation.

I use it pretty much only in scenes, and even then only when it fits the personality of the woman.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/29/2011 9:24:43 PM   
stacey4u2luv


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable


quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

I am sure most have heard of eye contact restrictions but I am looking for what is the purpose of them.   
Is it something that you heard a Dom must do?   Is it because you feel the s type is not worthy to look at you?  Is it a form of objectification?  

This is open to both Dominants and submissives.

Thanks in advance.  




I like to use the restriction of not allowing them to look me in the face. For us it's a way of reminding and reinforcing our status difference -that I am above them, more important, of higher status and that they are below me.



Very well said. For me i love to feel lower than Master all the time. i do it naturally by not looking at Him, plus i never want to know what is next and love the element of surprise. i seriously do not want to turn my head, lift it and if facing Him in play, maybe on my back and He is going to walk by i close my eyes. The only time is if His hand goes under my chin and He raises my head upward then i will look. This is the way i prefer it.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/29/2011 9:37:25 PM   
lelloy


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: One end to the other, US
Status: offline 		I dislike them. When I'm in the moment I have problems looking people in the eye, I don't typically consider it a good thing. I'm not into Doms encouraging insecurity.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/30/2011 8:28:54 AM   
MadamDouceVoix


Posts: 17
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		Personally, I use it as a form of reward; eye contact, that is.

If we are speaking, head bowed and eyes to the floor and until I say, you may look up at Me.
If I am spanking or caning you, I usually demand that you find a way to hold My gaze.

If you've misbehaved or acted inadequately, you're not allowed to look at Me until somehow you've regained entry to My good graces.

All part of good fun, imo.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/30/2011 2:39:40 PM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamDouceVoix


If you've misbehaved or acted inadequately, you're not allowed to look at Me until somehow you've regained entry to My good graces.


Ahhh those kind of things never happen to me.    But like I tell my partner--he's pretty much dealing with perfection


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Me to Daddy: Now you'll think I'm a weirdo
Him: I love you BECAUSE you ARE a weirdo.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 11/30/2011 7:53:36 PM   
sublimelysensual


Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		I love eye contact restrictions, but I'm also very protocol driven. As someone else said, being able to look up at a Dom is a reward for me, and still hard to do even when I'm allowed. For myself though, it's not about humiliation, I don't necessarily feel that anyone is better than/more worthy than, etc, it's a respect thing. You want to humiliate me, make me look Dom/mes in the eyes at a function, my face will display a cheery rosy glow the entire time, I guarantee it!

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Eye contact restrictions - 12/3/2011 12:16:08 AM   
jennylandis


Posts: 56
Joined: 5/1/2010
Status: offline 		i think cat eye contacts are the hottest thing ever ... if my master made me wear them id melt

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Profile   Post #: 38
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