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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/7/2011 7:39:40 PM

Epytropos

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Words are simple. Desires are complex. Trying to apply the former to the latter on a one-to-one basis is absurd. It's like trying to describe a strand of DNA with a single protein name. Don't bog down in the terms. Tell people what you want and need in words that make sense to you, and let the terminology fall where it may.

Welcome to CM, and good luck in your search.

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/7/2011 10:54:11 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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And yet, the "words" exist... for a reason -- thinking they don't is beyond "absurd".

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 1:25:36 AM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

And yet, the "words" exist... for a reason -- thinking they don't is beyond "absurd".

They exist because people have a nearly pathological need to categorize so they aren't forced to think of every single person they meet as a unique individual, lest their minds bog down in details. Personally I've never seen the need, but such is the way of things.

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 1:33:02 AM

LillyBoPeep

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the words exist, but they "exist" in so many different ways, i.e. mean so many wildly different things at times, not caring so much about them certainly saves a headache... he's not saying the words don't exist, just that they don't matter as much as some would like them to.
action and intent are what matter the most. the words are there only as shortcuts to allow us to communicate an idea, but communication is sometimes so much bigger than language.

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Post #: 24

RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 11:48:37 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

And yet, the "words" exist... for a reason -- thinking they don't is beyond "absurd".

They exist because people have a nearly pathological need to categorize so they aren't forced to think of every single person they meet as a unique individual, lest their minds bog down in details. Personally I've never seen the need, but such is the way of things.

Uhhh... no, genius. Just more typical politically correct BDSM forum bullshit. They exist because THERE ARE DIFFERENCES... differences between a Daddy Dom vs. a Sadist... a sub vs. a slave... a bedroom only Top vs. a Master, and so on. Maybe you and those of your silly little ilk don't want to be "forced to think" of the differences between RED and BLUE, but still, the differences exist just the same -- despite the varying shades of each.

The OP specifically asked...

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivexheart

...i'm not entirely sure what similarities and differences would be between a Master & a DaddyDom... can S/someone please explain to me...

Soooooo, what... according to YOU there is no difference, and just a need to "categorize"?!! That someone elects to self-identify as (or specifically seek out) a Daddy Dom for no particular reason?!! Good GAWD, one would have to be hit with the stupid-stick far too many times to count in order to subscibe to such an asinine view.

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 12:02:38 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

...he's not saying the words don't exist, just that they don't matter as much as some would like them to.

No, what he stated was, "They exist because people have a nearly pathological need to categorize..."

Bullshit... the words (sub, slave, masochist, sadist, daddydom, etc.) exist because there ARE differences for those who either (i) self-identify as, or (ii) are seeking a specific person. Go tell a "masochist" that they shouldn't specifically be seeking a "Sadist" -- and that their desire to do so is merely a "pathological need to categorize". You'd look as dumb as the person who made that silly "pathological need to categorize" comment. The labels exist because there ARE differences -- despite the varying shades within those differences.

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 1:08:36 PM

LillyBoPeep

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i guess you could say that the need to categorize exists independently of the words. you are right to a degree -- when a nonsadistic guy tells me "i'm not sadistic," then that means we're incompatible because sadism is important to me. but at the same time, one person's masochist isn't the same as another person's masochist. one person's slave is different than another's -- the words provide a short-cut, a jumping off point. but when you try to act as if the word is a stand-alone, a complete and utter thing unto itself, sorry, you're wrong.

the original intent of this thread was for the OP to find information on DD/lg relationships, and it's pretty clear that, while she's interested in a "Daddy Dom," there are so many different ways for people to interpret that, that just saying "i want a Daddy" isn't necessarily going to get here where she wants to go. there's got to be more than that -- the label in and of itself isn't sufficient.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 11/8/2011 1:09:26 PM >

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 1:48:39 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

...when a nonsadistic guy tells me "i'm not sadistic," then that means we're incompatible because sadism is important to me.

Hence, the words both matter, and reflect the differences.

quote:

...one person's masochist isn't the same as another person's masochist. one person's slave is different than another's

Hence the "...despite the varying shades within those differences" part of my post.

quote:

...the words provide a short-cut, a jumping off point.

Again, showing the differences.

quote:

...when you try to act as if the word is a stand-alone, a complete and utter thing unto itself

No such "act" occurred... again, hence the, "...varying shades within those differences" part. Thus, I'm correct.

quote:

...the original intent of this thread was for the OP to find information on DD/lg relationships... the label in and of itself isn't sufficient.

Actually, yes it is, once she (i) gains an understanding of the D/lg dynamic, and (ii) determines if it's to her liking or not -- serving as a "jumping off point" (to quote you). As you know, some are squicked by the D/lg thing... so they'd be just as incompatible with someone that wasn't into the D/lg dynamic as you'd be with someone wasn't a Sadist of sorts.

The words/labels both matter, and reflect the differences -- despite the protests, or attempts to homogenize things, by some.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 11/8/2011 1:50:13 PM >

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 2:15:00 PM

LillyBoPeep

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i would actually rather not homogenize things. and the "act" has occured plenty of times, but not necessarily by you. (a lot of times i use "you general" not "you specific," but i don't always clarify, so that's my fault.) i posted a journal that's similar to this conversation and got a response that said the words were more important than the actions even -- which i disagree with. i'm not saying that the words mean nothing, as you could see by my opening statement, but i am saying that they don't mean as much as concretely as some people want them to. the label is sufficient enough ONLY as a short-cut, as a conversation starter, but all the details are what makes the relationship what it is, and the label doesn't have enough depth for those.

in all of your quoting, you completely skipped over the section that is the most important in my post. =p if you want to actually have a conversation, you have to take stock of the entire reply, not just the little bits that satisfy your own opinions.

i recently "officially" changed my designator here on CM. i'm seeking another M/s relationship, and calling myself a "sub" seemed odd. (even though i don't believe you can technically be a "slave" until you're owned, i changed it to reflect what i'm looking for, not necessarily what i am.
but that hasn't really gotten me anything "new," because i've always been "who i am," regardless of the word applied. i haven't changed in any significant way. the way i think, feel, and act is still the same. likewise, i won't randomly accept any relationship from any Tom, Dick, or Harry who calls himself a "Master" -- the word is important, but only so far. what makes the relationship work are the details of compatibility, which are enormous.

for all the "it only means what people make it mean," i do recognize a difference in motivation between most of the subs i've known and most of the slaves i've known -- i won't say "all," because obviously there are exceptions. but at the same time, it really does only mean what the people involved make it mean. =p
so no, i'm not attempting to homogenize whatsoever, but on the same token, i recognize that the labels only go so far.

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 2:52:43 PM

Awareness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivexheart

ello's -she waved enthusiastically, innocently sucking on a lollipop- i've a new interest in DaddyDom's ... but i'm not entirely sure what similarities and differences would be between a Master & a DaddyDom...

can S/someone please explain to me...

thankies

Amongst this crowd, a daddy Dom is one who neither wants to beat his sub or cut her until she bleeds. It's the natural consequence of wankers trying to play "who's the more fucked-up sadist."

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RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 3:44:29 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i would actually rather not homogenize things.

Wasn't referring to you... sorry if it came off that way.

quote:

...the "act" has occured plenty of times, but not necessarily by you. (a lot of times i use "you general" not "you specific," but i don't always clarify, so that's my fault.)

Okay.

quote:

i posted a journal that's similar to this conversation and got a response that said the words were more important than the actions even -- which i disagree with.

I agree actions speak louder than words.

quote:

the label is sufficient enough ONLY as a short-cut, as a conversation starter, but all the details are what makes the relationship what it is, and the label doesn't have enough depth for those.

Again, this is what I was addressing in the "...varying shades within those differences" part -- e.g., there's a difference between those in an M/s dynamic, and those within a TPE M/s dynamic... different "shades" of an M/s dynamic.

quote:

in all of your quoting, you completely skipped over the section that is the most important in my post. =p

I don't believe I did.

quote:

...what makes the relationship work are the details of compatibility, which are enormous.

Yes, of course. But just as you'd stated you'd be incompatible with one who wasn't a Sadist of sorts, any other "details" would be overshadowed by this -- i.e., they become moot, as the initial point of "compatibility" has failed.

quote:

...for all the "it only means what people make it mean," i do recognize a difference in motivation between most of the subs i've known and most of the slaves i've known

People are free to be honest with, or delude, themselves. One can think themselves a cucumber, for example, but it doesn't make it so.

quote:

i recognize that the labels only go so far.

Yes, of course... but with regard to this particular discussion, words/labels are NOT merely one's "pathological need to categorize". That's nonsensical.

As an aside, with regard to your "i don't believe you can technically be a "slave" until you're owned" comment (which I've heard before), I would suggest that a ship is still a ship -- even if it's not in the water. At least that's how I view it... but that's another discussion. (shrugs)

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Post #: 31

RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 6:50:43 PM

heartcream

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

those are good points, too -- there are so many different ways.

there's a Little Miss, or Little Mister dynamic, where the "little" person is actually the boss and bosses the DD around.

there's the incest slant

there's the cuddly Santa-like daddy who makes all your dreams come true and spoils you to death.

there's the mean, abusive daddy and the corrupted and abused little girl

there's the brat thing

and then there are people like me who just like barrettes and coloring sometimes and just want someone to not judge negatively. =p

I will take one of the bolded kind of man, and have him be handsome too! However he doesnt spoil me to "death" but to life.

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Post #: 32

RE: Daddy Dom - 11/8/2011 7:00:02 PM

LanceHughes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
The whole "daddy" thing really squicked me for a long time, but recently two of my Fetlife pals posted very eloquently on what it meant to THEM...and it appears (to my deep discomfort) that I may in fact be a Daddy.

Neither of them is an age player, they are both adults in adult relationships. Their "Daddy" dom is a protector, a nurturer, the person they can run to/cling to, the person that loves them unconditionally. He recognizes their broken places, and helps them through that. He makes decisions, and makes the rules.

As our Hannah says, it's all window dressing. The key to any of this is knowing what you NEED to flourish in a relationship, regardless of the name you put on it.

<=== To your left you see a "Daddy" WITHOUT little boy play. Faggots are tarred with the pedophile and "converting innocents" brush MUCH too often. BUT! I'm the kind of man above - especially "He recognizes their broken places, and helps them through that."

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