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Finding my inner Domme - 5/25/2006 11:28:11 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, there's a rambling explanation, but a serious question here.

I have a strange disability, and it's this - when I hear about some aspect of our fun fetish that catches my interest, I don't want to do it, definitely not... but I'd like to try it, just once.  Just to see what it's like.

I'm a sub, and love it. TOTALLY.

But I read so much from Dommes here.  And ... somehow, deep down, I wonder how I'd be as a Domme.

I found out so many things about myself when I started all this and found my subhoodness.  I'm wondering... I'm not a switch, I know, but... I can't help but wonder if there's a Domme side to me, too.

Ok, but here's the problem.  For me, this has always been part of my sexuality.  And... I just don't know ...

If I tried to Domme a male sub... I don't know... for me it's always been Dom and female sub, don't know if I can cope with a sexual role reversal (and it wouldn't be with my Dom, NO way.  That suggestion doesn't fly, even as a joke.)

But a female sub... I don't know about the emotional dynamic of it.

So that's my dilemma.  I'm idly speculating at this stage, but knowing me, one day I'll want to try.  Just to SEE....  And... how do you decide, if you're a Domme, what kind of sub to find?

Also, of course, I'd want to do it right to make it a positive experience for the sub.

How do you get in touch with your Domme side?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 5:56:08 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
And... how do you decide, if you're a Domme, what kind of sub to find?

You explore and experiment.

How do you decide what kind of dom to find?

quote:

How do you get in touch with your Domme side?

How do you get in touch with your submissive side?

If you want to start experimenting, then go for it.  Talk to other people, get some training on toys and types of play.  Feel things out.  If you connect with someone as a top, let them know that you are new but wanting to try it out. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 6:02:13 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		LA beat me to the punch with her answers. However, if you are truly struggling with these questions, Perhaps your a silly little Switch!
Winks, kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 6:13:47 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hi becca!
 
A good question--not sure if My response will help--I don't have a Domme side--I am--net. I spent most of My life doing things My way--that's not to say I cannot negotiate, but once I gained My "freedom" ( My inner voice that says, uh huh, you need to do it your way)--I always felt for My life, I knew better---and I will confess <looks to see if fastlane and ron are reading>--I gave it up for a husband or two and tried to be a good submissive for a time---nope, didn't work--the funny thing is, in those early days as I defined Me as Dominant, I had not made the leap to sexual--it was all focused around controlling the vanilla aspects of life--(and the history of My life will show that)---then when I realized the sexual control----hot damn! I was never unsatisfied again---<evil grin>--you see becca for Me, it isn't the sexual, that's the cherry on the icing, its the Power Exchange--knowing that things are running according to My plan-but in that plan, is embedded dramatic love, protection and passion--as well as an incredible intimacy of dynamics.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 5/26/2006 6:14:39 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 6:18:07 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
[quote]How do you get in touch with your Domme side? [/quote]
 
By being yourself.  If it is something you have a craving to do, and wish to experiment - it will be natural.
I am submissive in personality.  There is no way on this earth could I dominate fulltime.  I do not even have the desire to dominate on a part time basis nor even switch.  I do not consider myself as such.  But I can Top.  And thats where my distinction begins and ends.  There are dominants out there who, for whatever reason, desire a time of submission.  Does not make them less dominant - the only alteration is that they command the submissive to dominate.  Doesn't make them a switch in there eyes and what other people perceive is not relevant.  Taking control is different from having power.  In the same way - not all dominants are sadists and not all submissive personalities are masochistic.  Try not to become caught up in the labels of 'Dom/sub/slave/top/bottom etc'... but focus upon your own personal goal and experimentation.  Make it clear, that you are open to domination and would enjoy topping / dominating from the start of any negociations.  Any dominant interested in your wellfare and development from a positive point of view will take your concerns and needs on board.  As long as you are honest and up front, you will find experimentation a positive and wonderful learning tool.  It doesn't hurt experimenting with another submissive, as long as they are aware and you explain your newness etc...
 
Be yourself and be true to yourself.
 
Peace and Rapture.


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 7:53:49 AM   
goldenprnc


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline 		I understand exactly what you are feeling. I too am a sub, and have been all my life. Lately I have been wondering about domming. When I imagine domming someone (male or female), I imagine doing to them exactly what I want done to me. Its like the flip side of the same coin. As a sub I want to please my dominant. As a dominant, I want to please my sub. I want to give him or her the same thrill that I get when I submit. I see it as just another aspect of my submissive side.

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 8:10:48 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goldenprnc

I understand exactly what you are feeling. I too am a sub, and have been all my life. Lately I have been wondering about domming. When I imagine domming someone (male or female), I imagine doing to them exactly what I want done to me. Its like the flip side of the same coin. As a sub I want to please my dominant. As a dominant, I want to please my sub. I want to give him or her the same thrill that I get when I submit. I see it as just another aspect of my submissive side.


That's it! I'd like to give it a try, to find out if it's in me...and I want to make sure I do it right to please the sub.

But I feel that I have a lot of things to work through before I'm ready.

(in reply to goldenprnc)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 10:07:48 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

quote:

ORIGINAL: goldenprnc

I understand exactly what you are feeling. I too am a sub, and have been all my life. Lately I have been wondering about domming. When I imagine domming someone (male or female), I imagine doing to them exactly what I want done to me. Its like the flip side of the same coin. As a sub I want to please my dominant. As a dominant, I want to please my sub. I want to give him or her the same thrill that I get when I submit. I see it as just another aspect of my submissive side.


That's it! I'd like to give it a try, to find out if it's in me...and I want to make sure I do it right to please the sub.

But I feel that I have a lot of things to work through before I'm ready.


I guess the big question (as I hear the big splash of you jumping into the domme pool) what do you want to get out of the experience? If you want to know what it's like being the top when flogging or whatever your favorite play is then go to a party and try co-topping, you have a domme behind you instructing, participating, and guiding.

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 10:41:40 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

quote:

ORIGINAL: goldenprnc

I understand exactly what you are feeling. I too am a sub, and have been all my life. Lately I have been wondering about domming. When I imagine domming someone (male or female), I imagine doing to them exactly what I want done to me. Its like the flip side of the same coin. As a sub I want to please my dominant. As a dominant, I want to please my sub. I want to give him or her the same thrill that I get when I submit. I see it as just another aspect of my submissive side.


That's it! I'd like to give it a try, to find out if it's in me...and I want to make sure I do it right to please the sub.

But I feel that I have a lot of things to work through before I'm ready.


I guess the big question (as I hear the big splash of you jumping into the domme pool) what do you want to get out of the experience? If you want to know what it's like being the top when flogging or whatever your favorite play is then go to a party and try co-topping, you have a domme behind you instructing, participating, and guiding.


I couldnt agree with you more Rose...
 
becca find a Mentor, someone you trust that you know and like their style, learn from her and then adapt what you leanr to fit your preferences. ( just like subs dont fit into molds neither do Dominants so one style isnt going to be your style but you may find things that you say ooooo I like that.... )
 
When I first started out I had a really good friend that stuck by me then and even now that I could always go to if I had questions or needed ideas from. This is IMO the best way to go about it.
 
 

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/26/2006 11:37:16 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
That's it! I'd like to give it a try, to find out if it's in me...and I want to make sure I do it right to please the sub.
But I feel that I have a lot of things to work through before I'm ready.


becca,
Speaking from experience, it helps to prepare yourself before you've even selected the person you want to explore with... I'll share a few little tricks that might help...
When having a service done, from a manicure to having gas pumped at a full service station, take a deep breath beforehand and let a feeling of Dominance wash over you inside. I'm not suggesting that you get all bitchy and demanding, I'm suggesting that you get comfortable with feeling entitled to being pampered. Take on an "I use L'oreal, because I'm worth it" attitude. It's funny, even in the vanilla world, you'll see people do a double take and then break their necks to please you... Confidence and entitlement can be very sexy if the person is also gracious to those who serve her...
 
You might also think of ways you'd love to be pampered, as "foreplay" before a scene... select clothing ahead of time and lay it out. Have the sub run your bath and then bathe you. When this happens just relax and FEEL it. Having your body lathered, and your hair shampooed is the most luxurious feeling! When the time comes, step out and let the sub dry you off and comb your hair... Then allow them to help dress you. As they do these things, they are focusing on you and your body more and more - wondering what type of scene you will do, and hoping they will perform to your satisfaction.
 
Be hard to please... for example, have two different scents of bath oil handy... as they choose one, shake your head and frown petulantly. If you step out onto the bathmat and they don't grab a towel and begin to buff your body dry, tap your foot and stand there expectantly... Have fun making them jump through hoops. It can be a fun way to get them eager to please you, while building an aura of mystery about yourself that adds to your fun and theirs.
 
Have a number of different activities that you are comfortable doing. The following are some activities that don't require lots of time to gain skill at without endangering your "victim". Also they don't require serious investment in case you decide Domming is just not for you. (some safety tips follow also):
 
* Clothespins - wooden clothespins are great to have on hand for any scene. They're inexpensive, and very effective for many uses. You might want to soak them for a couple of hours prior to the scene to avoid them leaving splinters or chafing the skin. They also work great when you put a few in the freezer after they've soaked.
 
* Saran wrap - If you are new to domination, avoid full body wraps, but you can use saran wrap as bondage material around upper or lower legs, or around the torso with the arms down at their sides. This stuff is awesome especially if you order them to struggle loose. I love the "you have 30 seconds to get out of that - starting NOW!" and then "punishing" them when they can't get loose.
 
*Wax Spas - For roughly $30 at Wal-mart you can purchase a parraffin spa that does not allow the wax to get too hot to the touch. It was designed to allow you to dip your hands or feet into the vat without fear of burning. Practice on yourself beforehand by taking paintbrushes, spoons, even small dixie cups, and testing how warm the wax feels on different parts of your body. If you wish to use wax in genital areas, you can avoid cross-contamination by simply placing saran wrap over the personal areas and then drizzling the wax. If wax does come in contact with body fluids of any kind, simply discard that piece when you peel it. NOTE: A $1.99 clear shower curtain at Wal-mart is a great drop cloth.
 
*Alcohol - Applying this with a cotton ball makes a cooling, almost freezing sensation, with very little danger. Don't have a lit candle close-by. NOTE: DO NOT USE CANNED AIR - This is very dangerous since canned air has propellant that will possibly spray out in liquid form and freeze anything it comes into contact with... I know of someone who accidentally got some on his nipple and it turned black like frostbite. The doctor said he could have needed a skin graft.
 
*Rope flogger - I purchase the beautifully shiny thick black nylon rope at Home Depot (about six feet of it), bend it in half, and leaving the two ends free, wrap about six to eight inches of the bended end in black electrical tape (creating a handle). I then unbraid the two ends and fluff them. Trim your new flogger to the length you're comfy with and you have a sensual toy that can be used on more sensitive areas, or as a warm up for more "serious" floggers.
 
I gotta MILLION ideas for everyday (cheap) items that I keep on hand (sometimes I'll pull something totally outrageous out of my toy bag and smile a wicked smile, just before I put on the blindfold) Some are scene setters, others are actually very effective tools and toys. I'd be happy to share more offlist if you wish...
 
 

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 12:06:34 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
That's it! I'd like to give it a try, to find out if it's in me...and I want to make sure I do it right to please the sub.
But I feel that I have a lot of things to work through before I'm ready.


becca,
Speaking from experience, it helps to prepare yourself before you've even selected the person you want to explore with... I'll share a few little tricks that might help...
When having a service done, from a manicure to having gas pumped at a full service station, take a deep breath beforehand and let a feeling of Dominance wash over you inside. I'm not suggesting that you get all bitchy and demanding, I'm suggesting that you get comfortable with feeling entitled to being pampered. Take on an "I use L'oreal, because I'm worth it" attitude. It's funny, even in the vanilla world, you'll see people do a double take and then break their necks to please you... Confidence and entitlement can be very sexy if the person is also gracious to those who serve her...
 
You might also think of ways you'd love to be pampered, as "foreplay" before a scene... select clothing ahead of time and lay it out. Have the sub run your bath and then bathe you. When this happens just relax and FEEL it. Having your body lathered, and your hair shampooed is the most luxurious feeling! When the time comes, step out and let the sub dry you off and comb your hair... Then allow them to help dress you. As they do these things, they are focusing on you and your body more and more - wondering what type of scene you will do, and hoping they will perform to your satisfaction.
 
Be hard to please... for example, have two different scents of bath oil handy... as they choose one, shake your head and frown petulantly. If you step out onto the bathmat and they don't grab a towel and begin to buff your body dry, tap your foot and stand there expectantly... Have fun making them jump through hoops. It can be a fun way to get them eager to please you, while building an aura of mystery about yourself that adds to your fun and theirs.
 
Have a number of different activities that you are comfortable doing. The following are some activities that don't require lots of time to gain skill at without endangering your "victim". Also they don't require serious investment in case you decide Domming is just not for you. (some safety tips follow also):
 
* Clothespins - wooden clothespins are great to have on hand for any scene. They're inexpensive, and very effective for many uses. You might want to soak them for a couple of hours prior to the scene to avoid them leaving splinters or chafing the skin. They also work great when you put a few in the freezer after they've soaked.
 
* Saran wrap - If you are new to domination, avoid full body wraps, but you can use saran wrap as bondage material around upper or lower legs, or around the torso with the arms down at their sides. This stuff is awesome especially if you order them to struggle loose. I love the "you have 30 seconds to get out of that - starting NOW!" and then "punishing" them when they can't get loose.
 
*Wax Spas - For roughly $30 at Wal-mart you can purchase a parraffin spa that does not allow the wax to get too hot to the touch. It was designed to allow you to dip your hands or feet into the vat without fear of burning. Practice on yourself beforehand by taking paintbrushes, spoons, even small dixie cups, and testing how warm the wax feels on different parts of your body. If you wish to use wax in genital areas, you can avoid cross-contamination by simply placing saran wrap over the personal areas and then drizzling the wax. If wax does come in contact with body fluids of any kind, simply discard that piece when you peel it. NOTE: A $1.99 clear shower curtain at Wal-mart is a great drop cloth.
 
*Alcohol - Applying this with a cotton ball makes a cooling, almost freezing sensation, with very little danger. Don't have a lit candle close-by. NOTE: DO NOT USE CANNED AIR - This is very dangerous since canned air has propellant that will possibly spray out in liquid form and freeze anything it comes into contact with... I know of someone who accidentally got some on his nipple and it turned black like frostbite. The doctor said he could have needed a skin graft.
 
*Rope flogger - I purchase the beautifully shiny thick black nylon rope at Home Depot (about six feet of it), bend it in half, and leaving the two ends free, wrap about six to eight inches of the bended end in black electrical tape (creating a handle). I then unbraid the two ends and fluff them. Trim your new flogger to the length you're comfy with and you have a sensual toy that can be used on more sensitive areas, or as a warm up for more "serious" floggers.
 
I gotta MILLION ideas for everyday (cheap) items that I keep on hand (sometimes I'll pull something totally outrageous out of my toy bag and smile a wicked smile, just before I put on the blindfold) Some are scene setters, others are actually very effective tools and toys. I'd be happy to share more offlist if you wish...
 
 


Ok when can I make an appointment to come dig through your toy bag? heh
 
Excellent suggestions!
 
* takes out a notebook and wiggles muh eyebrows* got some more? lol
 
( and to think I've dropped a small fortune on toys d'oh )

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 12:33:50 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		Oh my goodness... I have tons of interesting things that can be done safely with almost no investment of time or money... One of the funniest experiences when I play with someone new is to have them "unpack my bag" to set up for a scene...
 
 * In the fabric section of Walmart buy a "tracing wheel" It's a handle with a little spiky wheel on it. Rolling that over skin is sooo delicious.
 
* Buy a roll of twine or leather lacing and a bag of wooden beads. Cut into 3' lengths. Loop one end and tie a knot so that a "handle" is formed. String one bead, then one clothespin, then one bead, then one clothespin and so on until you have maybe 20 clothespins. Finish with a last bead and then tie a large knot to secure it. This is called a "zipper". Soak them before each and every scene (add a small amount of bleach or alcohol if you use them on different victims. If you have several of these, you can attach one in each region of the body and then slowly or quickly RRRRRIP them off....
 
* Thrift stores often sell old belts for 25 to 50 cents. They don't have to match or even be pretty. Leather belts can be cut down and used as cuffs. They also make GREAT bondage devices.
 
*Feathers - Need I even explain this delightful toy??? ~grins~
 
*Blunt knife - Useful to help peel wax, or trail over someone's skin. THEY don't have to know it's blunt do they?
 
* Crisco - Awesome and safe lubricant for anything anal. It's vegetable oil, so it dissolves and dosen't promote bacterial or fungal infections. It also dosen't dry out just as the motions are getting good.
 
* Plastic mixing spoons - OMG some love them, some hate them, but they all get quiet when I pull them out.
 
*Rabbit Pelt - Great for sensory play. Very soft and seductive.
 
*Shower scrunchie - rough and used for similar, but opposite sensation as rabbit pelt.
 
*Use the same technique as the "zipper" above minus the clothespins for inexpensive anal beads.
 
 

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 12:44:30 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		heh I just got a really nice ostrich plume tickler a couple weeks ago.... I love it! It features double plumes and about a 32 inch handle.... its the bomb lol
 
I'm thinking I like the idea of getting pelts because I had a bunny flogger at one point, it got snagged out of my toy bag and I am really not looking to spend another 220.00 on a new one....
 
Next time I get a wild hair up muh ass to go shopping... I'm coming and tappin on your shoulder for ideas *grins*
 
Thanks so much!
 
~RS~

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 12:49:58 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul
I'm thinking I like the idea of getting pelts because I had a bunny flogger at one point, it got snagged out of my toy bag and I am really not looking to spend another 220.00 on a new one.... 
~RS~


WOW... I can get a handmade bunny pelt flogger in the colors of my choice for 75.00. If you contact me by CM messenger, I'll forward the web addy. I also get bunny pelts from them for like, 3.00 apiece??? 

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 12:59:05 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		I have definately been shopping in the wrong places lol damnit lol

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 1:29:35 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		~looking for becca and saying sheepishly~
Um, well, uhhhh, sorry we hijacked the thread... I hope that some of the suggestions will help you if and when you do decide to Top someone... ~warm smiles~

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 3:44:06 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

~looking for becca and saying sheepishly~
Um, well, uhhhh, sorry we hijacked the thread... I hope that some of the suggestions will help you if and when you do decide to Top someone... ~warm smiles~
I think all the suggestions are great, but Calandra indirectly has made a point that you need to consider. Is it stepping on the other side as a Dominant what you are interested in so much, or is it Topping. There actually is a distinct difference and being a submissive who occasionally Tops, may be just the experience you are looking for. Just a thought.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 4:05:38 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I did use Top instead of Domme... Hmmm, interesting, because I also see a distinct difference and applied it here without thinking... I try very hard not to apply labels on anyone else and I hope I didn't offend ...
 
I'd love to see discussion on the differences of Topping and Domming

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 4:15:46 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I guess I did use Top instead of Domme... Hmmm, interesting, because I also see a distinct difference and applied it here without thinking... I try very hard not to apply labels on anyone else and I hope I didn't offend ...
 
I'd love to see discussion on the differences of Topping and Domming
Subliminal thing perhaps...lol. I don't think you likely offended anyone (IMHO), I think it's actually good it came out that way because it really does fit into the equation. I would think that stepping into the role of Top would be much more "in the order of things" than transitioning from sub to Dominant.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Finding my inner Domme - 5/27/2006 5:04:31 AM   
cynthiamarie


Posts: 205
Joined: 3/11/2005
From: Bluefield, WV, USA
Status: offline 		Mine was by accident.  I had been exploring and learning about topping, while being subbie.  It was interesting, and satisfying, and somehow I learned more about my submission when I was walking on the other side.  Then one day something strange happened.  Someone I knew sent a small roleplay to me, about crawling to me on all fours with a flogger held between his teeth and OMG, something roared through me.  I felt like I was in some terrific power feedback loop that kept increasing.  I didn't even swat him and tell him to behave, as per usual.  For 8 hours after the chat, my whole body was humming with an overdose of energy...and it was surprisingly a little arousing. 
 
Now when I'm in public and a man opens a door for me, it's enjoyable somehow, and it used to embarrass me a little and make me feel strangely guilty.  It is a delight to have a sub go shopping with me and stay attentively close by...and the joy curls my toes when I linger behind him so I can watch him carrying all of my shopping bags. 
 
With me, it's been strange...at first, when I wanted a footbath I'd get the water myself because nobody could get it the right temperature for my feet like I could  .  I don't know when the shift happened in my mind but suddenly it was THERE...why should I do this when there's a perfectly good sub?  I never thought men would be so competent at foot baths and foot massage either, so I'm learning to respect men in a new way. 
 
I still fought this for a while, and went on a crying jag once when a Dom friend told me that I would make a good Domme.  It hurt my subbie feelings. *laughs*
 
I was programmed my whole life to be submissive, and it's requires a second think to deprogram myself to see everything that's inside of me and accept it.  I still have both sides inside of me...and if I ever (and I don't think so) belong to a Dom, topping him occasionally would be enjoyable but I wouldn't want to Domme him or I would have trouble feeling that he was my Dom.  Does that make any sense? 
 
I'm not poly, so if I need a Dom and a sub I'm going to be in deep...yogurt.  The male subs that appeal to me are not bi, and would have their heads messed up if they had to witness me being punished or used by my own Master, mine too.  It would be easier if I were bi, or didn't mind sharing. *rueful look*  When I've slipped into a subbie frame of mind, it takes me days to recover from it, so I don't know how others do it.  One on one will be enough for me to handle.
 
I've been lucky to have made friends with some gentle, sweet, patient male subs who are not the usual "Do me!"  Normal conversation with them made my Domme side expand...that too was surprising.
 
Thanks to Calandra for some wonderful advice, and all the ideas...I've coveted a bunny fur flogger, and not not not in white.  I want to learn to make my own though.  How do you clean the sweat off of those without damaging the fur and leather?  I need to hunt through the threads for one on leather and fur care.  ...I've already got more feathers and boas than are decent *snickers*. 
 
I can't keep any long ostrich ones because I have 7 very bad kitties, and it would get messed up in my toy bag.  I used to have a delightful peacock feather fan, but the cats went hunting one day and stole it from my wall...plucked it clean like a chicken.  
 
I'd like to ask more questions of Calandra and others, but I too don't want to highjack this thread too much. 

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
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