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Balance - 11/4/2011 11:55:38 PM   
werebeastie


Posts: 146
Joined: 6/2/2011
Status: offline 		Have you ever felt as if the various aspects of your life are out of balance?  Likely we all have at one time or another.  I have noticed when the problem of kink vs vanilla rears its head most people find the trouble to be in the vanilla ... as in "Oh my can't let (my church, my work, my school etc) know about what I do".  While this is illustrative of what accepting people we are, as a group, it also underscores the problem I have run into time and again within the BDSM world, most especially the cyber version.  While it is not universal it does occur with a frequency that gives me pause.  The problem of which I speak is the seeming detachment from reality so many people seem to have [it has been suggested that perhaps this is because so many people within the cyber world have no real expectation of actual human contact so they fixate only upon the aspect of the fantasy in which they are interested]. 

My specific examples derived from my personal experience include Dominants both male and female that seem to believe that everyone should defer to them (apparently by virtue of their self proclaimed dominance), while subs and slaves should obey them as if they belonged to them.  I find this to be terribly bad manners.  I will not even go into how offensive it is to other Dominants when this behavior occurs.  I will however provide you with this reality check: Genuine slavery is illegal here, this is why you see so many Masters and Mistresses clamoring for every sub or slave that makes a profile, even the blank ones; because they are hoping to be chosen.  You have no power over anyone until they give it.  The argument of "I could take it" runs right into illegal activities and is therefor moot for anyone not wanting to be a criminal.  I am not trying to bring out any angry reactions I am suggesting that it would be better for everyone if those who do this would reconsider their behavior and be more courteous.

I am seeking a slave and the hordes of scammers aside a significant number of these would be slaves seem not to be in touch with reality.  I've lost track of the number of times I have been told that the slave's only skill or asset that they could offer was sex.  When asked if they were up for sex 24/7 most responded yes.  First it is not physically possible, beyond that if  you were actually capable of engaging in sex 24/7 for days weeks or years at a time ... how long would it take for the blush to leave that blossom.

I absolutely love sex and indulging my favored kinks is always a pleasure.  When I speak of MY would be slave she is a complete being, capable of serving me in every capacity I desire across the worlds we live and mingle in from Vanilla to Kinky.  Will she be my sex toy, certainly but she will also be my playmate and confidante.  She will possess a good work ethic, be honest and be fiercely loyal.  She will be an asset to my household.

I suppose I have come to the end of my thought for this morning.  I recognize that its very me centered but I am hoping when you share you will share from a you-centered point of view..
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 12:16:04 AM   
HannahLynn


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline
quote:

She will be an asset to my household.
she should be an asset to your entire fucking life, not just your household.

i think the gist of  your post is that you want a well-rounded person, you want the entire person to appeal to you. well congratu-fucking-lations beastie boy, you just figured out step one of how to have a decent relationship - kinky or vanilla. yea it helps if she is hot as midday in cairo, but in the end if that's all she's got that appeals to you things are going to get boring really fucking fast.

the advice i always give people on sites like this is to tell me what things will be like when we are not fucking. the fact that somebody is on this site looking more or less takes care of the fucking part, i have a pretty fucking good idea what that aspect of life will be like, but since that is understood and we won't be spending most of our time fucking, it becomes very important to know what will happen the rest of the time.

too many people seem to assume that being kinky is enough. it isn't. a kinky moron is still a fucking moron, the fact that she wants her ass beat now and then doesn't change that basic fact.

< Message edited by HannahLynn -- 11/5/2011 12:37:19 AM >

(in reply to werebeastie)
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RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 12:32:13 AM   
werebeastie


Posts: 146
Joined: 6/2/2011
Status: offline 		hehehe thank you for the response and the laugh ... I agree with most of what you "fucking" said ... even practice the tell about the non-sex aspect.  Keep your axe sharp.

(in reply to HannahLynn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 2:00:54 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		As Hannah said, make sure your approach is not kink-centred but is person-centred. I ignored anyone whose profile was all about sex and kink and nothing else. Same as I would ignore anyone who walked up to me in a bar and asked if I gave good head.

But I think you need to rethink some of the preconceptions you have in your comment. 24/7 simply means that you are someone's to control 24/7. Just because I'm at work or with my family does not mean that I'm not his. However, I chose wisely enough to know that he would NEVER ask me to do something that would affect my work or family life. Basically, I picked a grown-up guy with good common sense.

And another thing to address is that finding a Dominant is no easier than finding a submissive. You still have to wade through the marrieds/deluded to get to the people whose relationship ideals match yours. Then you have to match the kinks. Then you have to actually be attracted to each other.

It took me 8 years to find Master. I was on every kink site available, was a regular at clubs, munches and events and also dated 'nillas. It takes time and determination to find the one you're looking for - the trick is not to become so disheartened that your profile turns into a whine about 'fakes and scammers'.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to werebeastie)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 3:33:17 AM   
werebeastie


Posts: 146
Joined: 6/2/2011
Status: offline 		Hello mos.  Appreciate the feedback.  I've read your profile, actually before I read this response.  You seem a well spoken and intelligent lady, nice.  I am curious as to what "preconceived notions" about 24/7 relationships you feel I need to rethink.  I reread what I wrote and do not see anything about which you might be speaking.

I will tell you I had not really considered CM as a source for socializing until these past few days and I have been pleasantly surprised with those I have spoken with.  A pleasure to meet you.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 8:09:01 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I will tell you I had not really considered CM as a source for socializing until these past few days and I have been pleasantly surprised with those I have spoken with. 


It's addictive!

You're sure to encounter snark - pay it no mind :)


(in reply to werebeastie)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 9:24:15 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn
a kinky moron is still a fucking moron


I love this!

I think some people lose track of real life and focus on the fantasy. Yes, I'm a submissive, but it's not the sum of who I am. Yes, we're involved in a D/s relationship but that isn't the entirety of our relationship. There are a lot of facets to people and life, people who don't embrace that are doomed to repeat the same failures over and over.




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to HannahLynn)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 9:32:29 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		One of the problems I see is that you're seeking someone who will be a slave from day one. No such thing. If there was anyone like this, they would have been grabbed by the first guy walking by. You do better to realize that you need to find someone you can like and love who also wants to grow a relationship in this direction.

But by expecting someone to give you total submission from the get go you are guaranteeing that the kind of woman you would like to be in a relationship with wouldn't ever come near you.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 9:35:53 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

You're sure to encounter snark

LOL
Darn, and I was hoping to make my own introduction

On the flip side, welcome to the message boards and...I totally agree with what everyone else has said. Enjoy your time here.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 10:46:48 AM   
njlauren


Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline 		I have to agree with others, based on my own prior experiences (I am not looking for a lifestyle BD/SM relationship at this point in my life, trying to find out what I want/need in many things) you don't easily get into M/s relationships, I cannot fathom something like that happening rapidly (heck,I find instant love stories to be weird, too:). Each relationship is going to be different, the levels of control between M/s are going to be different, and the relationships themselves change as the people change. Slaves have their own needs and how that plays off against the Master/Mistress takes time to form IME. Advice I was given a long time ago when I was getting into things was to take things easy, to allow the relationship to grow organically, and I agree with that. It is why when using slave contracts I was given the advice to keep them short term in the beginning, and allow them to breathe and grow, and like any relationship, let it change and move. Even if the slave and master/mistres are experienced, have done this before with other people, they still are different people, and expecting someone to be a total 24/7 slave right off the bat may be fantasy (note, I am not saying this isn't possible, sure some people do this), 24/7 in the sense of total control over the slave, of total committment and control over their life. Among other things, the kind of limits that 'real life' imposes need to be accounted for, and also what level works for the people.

Yes, there are people in the scene who are way off onto a fantasy trip, I have met Dominants (male and female) who for example think because I am sub/slave by nature that they have the right to automatically assume subservience when we meet, which I would answer I might be slave material, but I am not owned by the particular person, and unless I was owned by someone else who had as part of my terms automatic deference to other Dominants, it would be an insult to them to allow myself to be treated as such (in my major lifestyle relationship in the past, my M told me that if she ever saw me being either disrespectful to another dominant (or sub for that matter) or automatically submitting to another dominant, she would be mortally insulted and I woudn't like the consequences:). Likewise, if I am ever looking for a lifestyle relationship again, given how I have changed and how my life has changed, I would be very careful in how I entered into anything as a sub/slave, and want it to build slowly to be able to allow it be ours.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Balance - 11/5/2011 11:38:36 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

... You do better to realize that you need to find someone you can like and love who also wants to grow a relationship in this direction.


Des... he doesn't want a woman to love.  He wants a live-in slave and companion to clean house and bear children.  I get the impression he's not concerned about submission so much as someone who will obey.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Balance - 11/6/2011 5:45:13 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

... You do better to realize that you need to find someone you can like and love who also wants to grow a relationship in this direction.


Des... he doesn't want a woman to love.  He wants a live-in slave and companion to clean house and bear children.  I get the impression he's not concerned about submission so much as someone who will obey.



This is what I gathered as well Treasure, glad to see I am not the only one the got the impression, however.....when I voiced it I was accused of being mean to the new kid. ;-) 


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Balance - 11/6/2011 6:54:44 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: werebeastie

I will tell you I had not really considered CM as a source for socializing until these past few days and I have been pleasantly surprised with those I have spoken with. 




Oh, yes...CM beats out Facebook, easy, in my world.

(in reply to werebeastie)
Profile   Post #: 13
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