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first public event - 11/5/2011 8:00:47 AM

propofHeloMaster

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Joined: 8/18/2011
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So Master is planning a new experience for me. it will be a public gangbang and this will be my first public event. i know im read for this. but im nervous and scared. i know he wont let anything bad happen to me. i am just afraid of doing what i always do...closing up n shutting down. i always do..i want so badly to prove myself to him. pls any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thank you,

slave mandie

Post #: 1

RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 8:08:31 AM

littlewonder

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condoms

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RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 8:09:28 AM

propofHeloMaster

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Thank ou yes he stressed the use of condoms...he said no one would touch me unless they had one

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RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 9:41:09 AM

OsideGirl

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Condoms are not effective against every STD. Have you discussed what happens in the event something untoward happens?

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RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 10:49:17 AM

SoulAlloy

Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
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I'm guessing you and your Master have already discussed all the safety concerns, as your question is more about letting go than in how to make the activity safe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: propofHeloMaster
i am just afraid of doing what i always do...closing up n shutting down. i always do..i want so badly to prove myself to him.

I guess first of all I'd check it's something you really want to do. That it's not in your hard limits or something that you feel you will regret doing. These tend to be the reasons I personally shut down.

If you're happy going ahead then what gets you off about the idea? Try focusing on that to get you started. Talk to your Master beforehand about how it's going to proceed, perhaps explain beforehand how nervous you are - he will know you better than me at suggesting ways to relax you.

If it's still too much (and if this is your absolutely first public play then it does seem an extreme way to start) then I'd suggest starting smaller. Have a spanking in the club or fuck your Master in front of everyone. Do the whole protocol thing, be at his feet, fetch him drinks, anything you are already comfortable doing in private.

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Post #: 5

RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 11:01:03 AM

DarkSteven

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Um. Your first public event will be a gangbang. Is that you that's going to be the gangbangee?

I have taken others to their first public events, and there were numerous scenes going on. They were asked if they wanted to scene, and if they declined, they were assured that they would be asked again at other parties, when they felt more comfortable.

He's got his own way of doing things, but for your first event to be a gangbang by strangers... that's a lot of pressure.

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Post #: 6

RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 2:52:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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In addition to condoms and dental dams, he needs a couple of strong friends who can physically drag away any guy who decides to break the rules. Or any three guys. Because there isn't any way for him to do so single handed.

Since he already knows that your response to emotionally difficult scenes is to shut down and close off, how has he gotten you to the point where this won't happen. Because this is a very intense experience and your response to it could well be to never speak to him again. Has he considered that? Or that if it is traumatic enough, you could file charges?

Suggestion: don't do it if you aren't ready for it. Because the odds are you'll never trust him again.

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Post #: 7

RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 3:45:44 PM

LillyBoPeep

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you say you "always do this," with regards to closing off and shutting down -- if you haven't found another coping mechanism, then maybe you really aren't ready for this.
by shutting down do you mean you freak out and quit? or do you shut off and sort of phase out? i'm assuming your Dude wants you to be present and enjoy yourself, and if you can't do that, then you really aren't ready.

perhaps you should approach this issue with him and see if he can help you deal with it. sometimes you have to walk before you can run -- going to a public event without another huge event piled on top of it might help. sorta chip at the iceberg, instead of trying to bulldoze it down all at once.

edit: i have to add an appendix --

sometimes there is merit to just "taking the plunge." there were things that i could've overanalyzed into oblivion and psyched myself out of if left to my own devices. sometimes your M is familiar enough with you to have an outside perspective and know from past behavior that you really will be okay -- and pushing yourself and learning to let go is something you really CAN do.

note: Ms aren't psychologists. they aren't mind readers and they aren't super heroes. so just because your M is your M, it doesn't mean that he can't make a bad decision. but sometimes our own internal perspective can hinder us more than help.

a public gangbang is a pretty big bit of exhibitionism -- have you done exhibitionistic things before? hopefully your M has taken stock of your past behavior and responses, and hopefully he's prepared to put you back together in case of a meltdown.

i still think taking some smaller steps might help you, though. but there's a lot of details of your relationship, your past experiences, your general demeanor, etc, that we don't know.

for me, learning to let go was about taking stock of how much i trusted him. really looking back at it and seeing where we'd been, what we'd done, and how he'd responded to issues. a reassurance exercise like that might help you, and it's something you can do in some quiet time on your own. think back to other difficult and challenging things you've dealt with, and see how he responded. for me, it was sometimes my fear of failure, and fear that he wouldn't see me the same way if i failed. but by looking back and re-examining past events, i could remind myself that he never had before, and it took away a lot of the anxiety.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 11/5/2011 4:05:45 PM >

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Post #: 8

RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 4:54:26 PM

MistressLilliana

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I agree, if you're shutting down then you aren't ready. Have you done anything like this in a private setting? Instead of a public scene you both might want to think about easing you into this by having one guy come over and do a scene, add another for the next time, then three when you're comfortable so you can know for sure how you'll handle it. If you're super nervous and scared this means you won't truly enjoy it and that is bad enough when dealing with three men but then to add the public watching you...you could be setting yourself up for a very traumatic experience.

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Post #: 9

RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 4:59:13 PM

lizi

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I'm wondering why in your OP you stressed that you want to prove yourself to him. This is kind of a red flag to me, are you more interested in proving yourself or doing this because you want to?

Knock yourself out and have a great time if you truly desire this. If it's something you're doing for another person keep in mind how you'll feel if they react badly to it, or if you aren't with them anymore at some point. Will you still feel positively about participating then if your man is out of the picture? There's a thread in the health section about a guy who wanted his girl to have unprotected sex with a stranger and in the end he reacted badly to it after she did. It is hard sometimes to anticipate how the two of you will feel in the end, so just be sure that you'll be satisfied with this event no matter how he takes it or if he's not around. The next guy you meet may feel it's not a positive to be with a woman who's had a gangbang - and that might be his loss. I just am encouraging you to look at it from all angles since its not something you can change once it's done.

(in reply to propofHeloMaster)

Post #: 10

RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 7:44:11 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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would it be rude to start a betting pool on the outcome of this clusterfuck, no p

un intended..?

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Post #: 11

RE: first public event - 11/5/2011 11:21:45 PM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
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Just smile and look towards the camera when all the guys yell:
BUKKAKE !!!!

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Post #: 12

RE: first public event - 11/6/2011 10:22:56 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

There's a thread in the health section about a guy who wanted his girl to have unprotected sex with a stranger and in the end he reacted badly to it after she did.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3893566/tm.htm

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Post #: 13

RE: first public event - 11/6/2011 10:26:31 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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I have to admit, my first thought was "how do you know you're ready if you hadn't been in a gangbang before?".

Especially for a woman, who generally associate sex with love; there are alot of absolutely natural aversions to this type of activity. There have been a number of posts with good advice, but I hope this isn't something that you end up regretting.

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Post #: 14

RE: first public event - 11/6/2011 10:29:20 AM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

There's a thread in the health section about a guy who wanted his girl to have unprotected sex with a stranger and in the end he reacted badly to it after she did.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3893566/tm.htm

see, that's the other thing. a lot of men seem to respond badly to things like that. i haven't done anything like that, but in just talking to men, they're totally okay with sleeping around or having multiple partners when THEY'RE doing it, but the girls they sleep around with, they think badly of, and they don't want a relationship with anyone like that.

so, OP -- does your Guy have experience with this? has he done it with other subs, or is this a first for both of you? do you know how he will respond to it?

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Post #: 15

RE: first public event (gangbang) - 11/6/2011 10:38:47 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

So Master is planning a new experience for me. it will be a public gangbang and this will be my first public event. i know im ready for this.

How do you know you're ready? I think the fact that you are posting shows that you are not.

I've been doing threesomes and moresomes since I was a teenager, so when my ex husband and I went to a swingers party with 7 other couples, I was cool with the idea. Plus it was no pressure, and there were 7 other women. My ex checked in with me every step of the way. I sucked or fucked all but one of the guys.

I've also been to swing clubs with a domineering Dom and that was horrendous. I feel PTS when I hear Usher. (Not entirely kidding.)

My recommendation - you go to a swing club or event where you won't be the main attraction with the understanding that he checks in with you every step of the way and you are free to call it quits at any time.

(in reply to propofHeloMaster)

Post #: 16

RE: first public event (gangbang) - 11/6/2011 10:40:34 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

see, that's the other thing. a lot of men seem to respond badly to things like that. i haven't done anything like that, but in just talking to men, they're totally okay with sleeping around or having multiple partners when THEY'RE doing it, but the girls they sleep around with, they think badly of, and they don't want a relationship with anyone like that.

Yup, after pressuring me to swing for 10 years, my ex was an asshole the day after the swingers party. He loved it at the time, but then had the guilt/shame attack and projected it on me.

quote:

so, OP -- does your Guy have experience with this? has he done it with other subs, or is this a first for both of you? do you know how he will respond to it?

Damn good question.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 11/6/2011 10:41:53 AM >

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Post #: 17

RE: first public event - 11/6/2011 2:53:51 PM

peppermint

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From: Montana
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Strange. I have never heard of a gangbang referred to as a public event. Those are usually private closed events by invitation only. I've been to a few really public events. Never saw anyone get gangbanged. Never saw any sex happening. Mostly there were lectures and good old kinky fun like flogging, whips, and electricity.

I would suggest that your Master take you to one of the types of public events I have seen for your first public event. There are events like the SW Leather Conference in AZ. Thunder takes place in CO. Paradise takes place in WA. Those are the public events with which I am most familiar.

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(in reply to propofHeloMaster)

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RE: first public event - 11/6/2011 6:42:08 PM

JanahX

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OP has flounced.

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Post #: 19

RE: first public event - 11/9/2011 7:19:26 AM

propofHeloMaster

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Joined: 8/18/2011
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Thank you all so much for your advice and thoughts. You all gave me lots to think about. Master and i did talk and we decided to drop the public gangbang and work me into it by going to a bdsm club we know of here in Houston and getting my feet wet there...First by having me watch and learn and also by having someone come over and do a threesome. I have had one threesome already with Him and my friend. It included everything. cuffs candle wax flogger...whatever he decided to use on me and my friend did as well and i loved it. so i know im ok with my Master and one other. We are going to work up to more. im glad i have someplace i can go and get honest answers and learn.

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