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Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 1:52:32 PM

Jbrooke

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/15/2011
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Is it wrong to ensure that your sub is looked after their desires are fulfilled. From my "limited" experience it seems if the sub is fulfilled and is happy fulfilling her/his kink then the rest will fall into place. I have tried to reach out to several and it seems my level of thinking only gets ignored or is looked as weak.

My sub (24/7) knows me, trust me and ensures that I am taken care of in all ways. I don't abuse the privilege of being her Dom by beating her or being demeaning to her. It just seems to me that as I have read there is a lot of posers that just want a quickie or abuse a woman that is vulnerable.

I look forward to the response's even if they are targeted towards me as being weak?

Post #: 1

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 2:04:28 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

why would that be weak? Master and I look after each other not because we are Dom/sub to one another but because we are in a relationship where we love and care for one another and that's what people do for each other when they love and care for each other. This has nothing to do with bdsm.

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Post #: 2

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 2:09:08 PM

ScotSubC

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

In any kind of relationship, it will fail unless both parties are fulfilled. What form that takes depends on the dynamics of a particular relationship. A dom(me) has a responsibilty to his/her sub, sounds like you are living up to yours.

(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 2:19:18 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

What Littlewonder said.

Plus, he beats me because he's a sadist and I'm a masochist.

He demeans me because it makes sex seriously hot.

But he still loves me, respects me and looks after me.

Be careful of making assumptions about how others are treated, unless you know the full story.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 2:27:56 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I wouldn't be with someone who did not think this way. I'm definitely not one of those women who puts themselves last continually, although I'm awfully good at waiting if i need to. If that day never comes where i matter enough to my partner for him to make an effort to make me happy, then I'm done or was never there in the first place.

I'm in a relationship where my guy tries pretty darned hard most of the time to keep me happy and vice versa. We have had relationship failures in both of our pasts, and don't want this one to fail so we consciously work at it. If he's not a member of the Dom club over his concern over my happiness then that's fine with me, I'll just be vanilla with him instead; I know for a fact that he'd voluntarily leave the club and never look back. We matter to each other more than some role we're supposed to play.

< Message edited by lizi -- 11/5/2011 2:31:05 PM >

(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 2:39:30 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Hold on now. I am into beating but not demeaning, and am wondering if you're equating them. My submissive needs a very hard spanking at least weekly. That said, I'm working hard to fight her self-deprecating tendencies.

It IS wrong if a Dom's sub doesn't need what he offers. It isn't if she does.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 2:45:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The simplistic answer is that of course it's not wrong to fulfill her needs. However, it isn't uncommon for a sub to be fulfilled by not having their needs immediately attended to. But instead by focusing on the dominant and serving him/her. So for someone like that, a dominant like the op would not be compatible with them.

Also, since when is consensual sadism equal to abuse? And what's wrong with wanting NSA if you're honest in saying so?

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 3:03:33 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i agree with Des -- beating and demeaning don't have to be abusive. certainly some people do come to the lifestyle to prey on vulnerable people, or act out misogynist/misandrist ideas. people can use anything for evil instead of good. =p but some subs/slaves do consent to these activities or being used in such a way. it's not bad.
some of us love sadistic Ds who torment because THEY get off from it, not because we do. and there isn't anything wrong with being in a relationship that's fulfilling, no matter how it may look to someone who doesn't understand it.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 3:48:39 PM

withacherryontop

Posts: 16
Joined: 10/29/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jbrooke

Is it wrong to ensure that your sub is looked after their desires are fulfilled. From my "limited" experience it seems if the sub is fulfilled and is happy fulfilling her/his kink then the rest will fall into place. I have tried to reach out to several and it seems my level of thinking only gets ignored or is looked as weak.

My sub (24/7) knows me, trust me and ensures that I am taken care of in all ways. I don't abuse the privilege of being her Dom by beating her or being demeaning to her. It just seems to me that as I have read there is a lot of posers that just want a quickie or abuse a woman that is vulnerable.

I look forward to the response's even if they are targeted towards me as being weak?

Yeah, shocking to think that some people who called themselves a dom are only looking for some quick, kinky fun. Utterly shocking.

Seriously, I don't think that simply satisfying someone's kink means everything else will fall into place. There are relatively few people, in my experience, who are really that hung up on any particularly kink. Much more common, in my experience, is that a sub be will extremely flexible in the kinky stuff if their emotional needs are taken care of first.

So I'd say you have it backwards.

(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 7:36:43 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

You are confusing YOUR relationship desires with everyone elses. I date women who appreciate the fact that i open the door for them and am a complete gentleman up until the moment i grab their hair, throw them over the hood of my car and rape the fucking whores ass. Then i shove a butplug in her ass so my cum doesnt leak out and stain the cunts dtrss. Then i help her to her feet, kiss her deeply, take my ladies hand and escort her to our lovely dinner date.

(in reply to withacherryontop)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it wrong - 11/5/2011 9:20:11 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jbrooke

Is it wrong to ensure that your sub is looked after their desires are fulfilled. From my "limited" experience it seems if the sub is fulfilled and is happy fulfilling her/his kink then the rest will fall into place. I have tried to reach out to several and it seems my level of thinking only gets ignored or is looked as weak.

My sub (24/7) knows me, trust me and ensures that I am taken care of in all ways. I don't abuse the privilege of being her Dom by beating her or being demeaning to her. It just seems to me that as I have read there is a lot of posers that just want a quickie or abuse a woman that is vulnerable.

I look forward to the response's even if they are targeted towards me as being weak?

First off ---> Why would you ask whether its wrong or not to take care of a sub after the kink on is over? The only people who would determine that is the two people that are interacting, and whether it jives with both of them. That is your answer.

Second off ---->I dont see the correlation between your usage of abusing the privlage of being her dom by not crossing her boundries and people wanting one nighters and what you call abusing a woman that is vulnerable. What does one have to do with the other?

These are adults. If someone wants a one nighter---> thats their business. And if they lie to another ADULT about their intentions, well I guess there are consequences to quick and not well thought out actions. Gee, what a concept ..huh?

People are only as vulnerable as they allow themselves to be. Gotta love the: its everyones fault but mine.... along with the political correctness.

What a fucking joke.

_____________________________

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it wrong - 11/6/2011 12:44:35 AM

HannahLynn

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline

quote:

Is it wrong to ensure that your sub is looked after their desires are fulfilled.

what the fuck? what the fucking fuck?

what fucking kind of question is that? what the fuck do you think she is doing it for if not to have her desires fulfilled? does nobody actually think this shit through?

(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it wrong - 11/6/2011 8:30:46 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I have read there is a lot of posers that just want a quickie or abuse a woman that is vulnerable.

Submissive females are not delicate orchids that need to be protected from evil NSA-seeking Doms. If a sub wants a relationship, she needs to learn how to distinguish relationship guys from NSA guys.

This is not unique to BDSM, although I have noticed that the married cheaters on collarme are more open about it than those on vanilla dating sites such as okcupid.

(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it wrong - 11/8/2011 10:40:30 AM

ScotSubC

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

I love a plain talker!

(in reply to HannahLynn)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it wrong - 11/8/2011 2:09:18 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Oh man, Jbrooke. Not everyone thinks like you do. I can beat the crap outta my sub and make him squeal & then give him tender, loving aftercare. There's nothing wrong with beating someone if that's what they really want, but I don't demean my sub because I'm not into that. I do make sure all his desires are fulfilled just as he does mine, as we're both happier that way and that makes for a better relationship. The main thing is to find someone that wants the same things out of a relationship that you do.

NBMG

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(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it wrong - 11/8/2011 2:58:03 PM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

There's a psychological effect which occurs when someone continually meets our needs but is insufficiently demanding.

It's called 'ingratitude' and is almost inevitable.

My guess is that you're far too worshipful. You care about fulfilling her needs first and your own, second. This effectively means you elevate her above yourself. If you want to maintain a D/s interaction, this seems unlikely to succeed.

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(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it wrong - 11/14/2011 10:15:32 AM

DoesAsIAmTold

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/24/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jbrooke

Is it wrong to ensure that your sub is looked after their desires are fulfilled. From my "limited" experience it seems if the sub is fulfilled and is happy fulfilling her/his kink then the rest will fall into place. I have tried to reach out to several and it seems my level of thinking only gets ignored or is looked as weak.

My sub (24/7) knows me, trust me and ensures that I am taken care of in all ways. I don't abuse the privilege of being her Dom by beating her or being demeaning to her. It just seems to me that as I have read there is a lot of posers that just want a quickie or abuse a woman that is vulnerable.

I look forward to the response's even if they are targeted towards me as being weak?

No, it's not wrong as long it works for the 2 of you. Your thinking wouldn't work for me though. Yes, would be great getting all my desires fulfilled. Being obvious about that would kill the dynamic. I don't see that as weak. Just not my kind of Dom.

Again you seem to be of the opinion all subs are carbon copies of each other. In previous paragraph you mention fulfilling your sub's desires. For me that would include beating me. Lots of sub's are also masochists. A lot of sub's also love to be demeaned. I also get the impression that you think submissives need protecting as they are vulnerable

In reality submissive rarely are. Oh and nothing wrong with some "poser" just wanting a quickie as long as both parties know that's all it is.

Sub's are actually very good at controlling what happens to them. Until the point they hand that control over, that is. Even after that point there are safewords. That is why it's called consensual kink.

(in reply to Jbrooke)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it wrong - 11/14/2011 10:17:50 AM

DoesAsIAmTold

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/24/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

However, it isn't uncommon for a sub to be fulfilled by not having their needs immediately attended to. But instead by focusing on the dominant and serving him/her. So for someone like that, a dominant like the op would not be compatible with them.

This ^ too

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it wrong - 11/14/2011 10:35:42 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Ok, that is totally hot.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 19

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