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IrishMist -> RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? (11/7/2011 2:10:00 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
There's a thread on the FL Masters & slaves group about control-based dynamics, and how they differ from service-based ones. Some of the replies chime in with "well my relationship is XYZ-based."
I consider myself a service-oriented person, but to me, they're all kinda wrapped up together. I kinda think I'll just start saying "I'm looking for Metallica-based relationship dynamics." (see sig for reference)
Sometimes I think it's a case of overthinking? Sometimes it's a case of semantics? Though I can see how the motivations for the people involved can be wildly different, even if the end result is similar, so in that sense it's not really semantics at all...
If you feel like talking about it, what do you think is the basis of your relationship? Control? Service? Authority?
I know we have people who are in relationships where they don't "feel submissive," but instead just "do as told." We also have people who do feel submissive, and who feel "servicey" -- but how do you define that?
To me, control is a detail thing, and service is an overarching thing, but all of them are aspects of the most important concept, which is obedience, based on his authority. =p At least that's how it works to me. So i don't really see them as totally different exclusive concepts. To me, as I said on FL in case you know what thread I'm talking about, control is the detail of what you wear, where you go, what you eat and when, blah blah blah -- but to me, that's an aspect of service because by submitting to that control, I'm in service to whatever the D's designs are. To me, they're all interconnected and spaghetti-like. =p
I'll stop rambling before I confuse myself. I remember a thread on a similar topic, but it was quite a while ago, and I don't remember who started it in order to search it and reference it. I feel like my opinions are a little better formed now than they were, then.
(Please let me stress that I am NOT in a relationship. When I talk about being in one, I am speaking from my past experience)
For me, it's always just been easiest to tell others that I am not submissive, yet I do as I am told simply because to do otherwise, is to leave. However, I did NOT always do as I was told. I often pushed until I was literally pushed back. Sometimes, I will try and explain it by saying that he 'would play with me and allow me to push, until he got tired of playing and then things got serious".
Am I submissive? Not in the sense that most here would define being submissive. I was raised to defer to the man of the house, at the time, that being my father. Typically, I rebelled against that, yet I always knew that I could only push my father so far before he put his foot down and demanded obedience.
Am I service oriented? Not in the sense that most here would define one as being so. I like to do things for others simply because I like seeing the look on their face or in their eyes afterwards. It's a selfish feeling for me, not a selfless one.
Am I authority oriented? Probably more so than I am submissive or service, but not entirely. I respond more to authority than I do to anything else. I recognize the NEED for authority, and I acknowledge my desire to respond to it.
Am I control oriented? No. I NEED to retain control of MYSELF at all times. It is not something that I can ever give to someone else willingly. Can I share control? Absolutely.
With all that said, I really don't fit into any category that could be logically defined under the umbrella of BDSM.
But that's ok. I am ok with being unique [8D]
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