I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (Full Version)

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LookieNoNookie -> I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 5:41:13 PM)

Because my secretary's coming in tomorrow to find my cat (it's a huuuge house).  Gotta head to the east Coast in the a.m. (Secretary has my house key).

Cat got shots a week ago....mobile cat dude was down the road...saw him....thought..."Yeah...that's the way to go...mobile cat doctor" (fraidy cat), I got him 6 months ago....he slept under the couch for 2 months when I first got him (big fucker...fatter than a double Big Mac with extra cheese)....lost easily half his weight under the couch....wouldn't come out for 2 months (I thought he'd left)...no shit in the shit box for 6 weeks...."Mom" was someone who was leaving for India....I took him (love animals)....started seeing some nominal shit box activity....figured...."we got a cat here....somewhere".......put some tuna out.....gone in 12 hours....CAT WAS IN THE HOUSE!!!!!

Found him....under the couch.  Brought him into my bed...pet him for like 3 hours...became my pal overnight.

Since the shots...can't find him....seeing some nibbling on food.....no shitbox activity.

Gotta be here....turned over EVERY FUCKING GAWWDAMN COUCH, BED, LOOKED IN EVERY CABINET, BEHIND APPLIANCES.......WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS GAWDDAMMND CAT??????

FUCK!!!!!!!



Kaliko -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 5:43:12 PM)

Seriously??? Holy crow.

Get a dog in the house. He'll sniff out the cat quick.



ashjor911 -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 5:47:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Found him....under the couch.  Brought him into my bed...pet him for like 3 hours...became my pal overnight.



did you drink together? I assumed from the "Pal thing"
if yes maybe you will find it in the bathroom taking a piss?



TheFireWithinMe -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 5:51:50 PM)

did you check behind the stove,fridge? It's freaky how they can squeeze into tiny places.



MadAxeman -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 5:53:00 PM)

Your drinking must have gone off badly if it took you 2 months to roll under the couch.
Are you sure you can find the East coast dude?



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 5:56:19 PM)

Um, even a very large cat could be up inside your sofa. If a cat wants to hide, he will.

I take it the big emergency is that you have to leave?

If you know the cat is there, have the secretary leave food and water once a day and move on.

You most obviously have a cat with issues. Force will not help this. Love and patience and care will.




LanceHughes -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 5:59:49 PM)

Try the drawers in ALL dressers - they sure do like that.  The ones I know would go under the dresser and then climb up the drawers from the back.  Once in awhile, I'd open a drawer and get the shit scared outta me.  - Come to think of it, maybe your cat is shitting in one, sleeping in another.

As to the porn...... HEY! Maybe your secretary has been trying to figure out how to ask you... y'know, those embarrasing questions. LOL!  Win / win all the way 'round.  Especially if she finds "your" cat snuggled up against some toy or has shredded a magazine, etc.



LanceHughes -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:11:46 PM)

After a careful read of OP...... Maybe the cat's coming and going through basement?  garage?  whatever?  Likes the tuna, but doesn't shit?  Sounds feral to me.  He's shitting outside!

Cats do not take kindly to change in owners.  If previous owner was anywhere near, go looking on her porch / property.  I'll wager cat is at HER back door, crying to be let in!




ZenRiverOtter -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:27:46 PM)

Cat piss stinks, either you have no nose or the cat is like LanceHughes said. The cat has found it's on path to the outside world. Heating/air conditioning issues, maybe a high electric bill?



LookieNoNookie -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:40:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Found him....under the couch.  Brought him into my bed...pet him for like 3 hours...became my pal overnight.



did you drink together? I assumed from the "Pal thing"
if yes maybe you will find it in the bathroom taking a piss?


EXCELLENT question, however....cat doesn't seem to (dumb fucking cat) like Crown Royal.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:40:08 PM)

If you have any feeling for this cat, stop trying to find him, and just provide for him. This is what he can deal with now.

Shesh.

This is a CAT !!



LookieNoNookie -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:41:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadAxeman

Your drinking must have gone off badly if it took you 2 months to roll under the couch.
Are you sure you can find the East coast dude?


It's on the right hand side isn't it?

Can't I just tell them I'm heading >>>>>>>>>>> ?



Winterapple -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:43:13 PM)

I agree that the cat is probably going in
and out of the house. My parents had a
cat who figured out a way to get to the
attic through their bedroom closet.
From the attic she found a way to climb
out on the roof, from the roof to a tree
to freedom.
Animals also get sulky when they sense
you're leaving. So it could just be hiding.
Have the secretary put out fresh water
and food and check the next day.
If the cat is in the house it will come
out and eat. If it's left the building
I wouldn't worry to much. If it left it
can get back in and as Lance said it
probably has other people feeding it.
And feral or half feral cats or ones who
have adjusted to the outdoors always
prefer to relieve themselves outside
instead of a litter box. And who can
blame them?



tj444 -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:46:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
Gotta be here....turned over EVERY FUCKING GAWWDAMN COUCH, BED, LOOKED IN EVERY CABINET, BEHIND APPLIANCES.......WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS GAWDDAMMND CAT??????

FUCK!!!!!!!

hmmmm... maybe,.. just maybe he is in the same spot you hid your porn/incriminating stuff??? [8D]

Next time you find him, put a collar with a bell on him.. you might find him easier then.. [:D]



LookieNoNookie -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:51:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Um, even a very large cat could be up inside your sofa. If a cat wants to hide, he will.

I take it the big emergency is that you have to leave?

If you know the cat is there, have the secretary leave food and water once a day and move on.

You most obviously have a cat with issues. Force will not help this. Love and patience and care will.


Hon....#1)  I'm an animal lover....there ain't no animal lover bigger than me (and yes, I know I can't fit into my 32's anymore....that wasn't the "bigger" I was referring to.

#2) I've looked everywhere...cabinets, closets, behind the TV, in front of the TV, under covers, behind covers, in the cloth underneath couches, under EVERY couch, behind the (interior) wood pile, behind the water heater, behind the W/D, under shirts, over shirts (and my closet is larger than most folks bedrooms...and I've gone through EVERY INCH of it), I've laid out food in every corner of the house....found a few nibbles....so....I KNOW he's here.....I just can't fucking find him.

He's pissed at me for giving him shots.

And he's a scairdy cat...guy is paranoid (of everything).  I didn't raise him...I took from some (C) that decided she couldn't take him with her (even though she had him for 10 years.

If he was mine (and he is now)....he'd'a gone with me to Botswanna.

He's a good guy....I'll find him....he's scared....and he's hiding somewhere.

I'll (or more likely my secretary) will find him.

It's a big house....he's here somewhere.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:53:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

If you have any feeling for this cat, stop trying to find him, and just provide for him. This is what he can deal with now.

Shesh.

This is a CAT !!



Excellent point...and...that is exactly what 'm doing :)

(I just want him to be on my bed :)  )

Where he can be calm....unafraid.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:54:59 PM)

You aren't getting me. Stop looking, then you will find. All the looking is making it worse.

Hello? Is there anybody in there?

Stop fucking looking for the fucking cat.

He's freaked. It's a big house. You don't stand a chance. Let him come to you by YEP: STOP LOOKING.





LookieNoNookie -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:56:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenRiverOtter

Cat piss stinks, either you have no nose or the cat is like LanceHughes said. The cat has found it's on path to the outside world. Heating/air conditioning issues, maybe a high electric bill?


I have a 3,900 sf home, 3 bedrooms, all with concrete floors....11 robot vacs...push 11 buttons and the place is clean......pretty difficult for the cat to pee anywhere that would stain :)

(Or....permanently....smell).



DarkSteven -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 6:57:37 PM)

I bet he's on your computer right now, surfing your porn.  Make sure you don't leave out your CC info so he doesn't sign up for a Nigerian scam.



MaamSpamCrapoo -> RE: I have to remove all my porn and anything that may be incriminating.... (11/7/2011 7:08:49 PM)

NM



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