slave versus custody/visitation

slave versus custody/visitation (Full Version)

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onedeceptivesub -> slave versus custody/visitation (11/8/2011 9:55:02 PM)
i know about situations where a Dom was trying for custody/visitation and the lifestyle was used against him to keep him away from his kid. so, if a slave knows this is going on, is it good for her to back away so that her presence doesn't mess with his ability to win parental rights? i think so, even if he wouldn't want her to.

SuzeQ -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/8/2011 10:14:37 PM)
My instinct is that it would be his decision, not hers.

Epytropos -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/8/2011 10:19:34 PM)
Being a slave is about obeying. It is not about making choices for your dominant, even when those choices are appealingly self-sacrificial. Let him make his own choices, and abide by them.

SoulAlloy -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/8/2011 10:53:53 PM)
His choice ultimately, to be honest I think with difficult situations like this he will want as much support as possible rather than a backing away. I haven't heard of anyone succeeding at keeping their kids away from parents by complaining about their kink, the closest I've heard of is someone proving how secure they keep all the unusul gear.

weaselwelder -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/8/2011 11:50:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SoulAlloy His choice ultimately, to be honest I think with difficult situations like this he will want as much support as possible rather than a backing away. I haven't heard of anyone succeeding at keeping their kids away from parents by complaining about their kink, the closest I've heard of is someone proving how secure they keep all the unusul gear. You have never been in the bible belt, have you? As others have said, supporting, not bailing on, your dominant is the way to go. If the kinky cat is out of the bag, the reasoning "well, I'm not tying anyone up RIGHT NOW" is not going to do much good anyway.

winspiritsbaby -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 6:08:59 AM)
I'm on board with everyone else. It is his decision to make and she should abide by it. She should trust that her dominant knows what he is doing and ask him how she can best support him at this time.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 6:14:47 AM)
i agree with the others; it's his decision -- she shouldn't make it for him. and as weaselwelder pointed out; "backing away" could definitely feel like "bailing" to the person needing support.

kalikshama -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 6:29:24 AM)
He should consult with his lawyer. If he is in a conservative community and you have a reputation as a woman of ill repute, it might be wise for you to back off. Otherwise, stand by your man.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 6:59:08 AM)
Stand by the dominant's decision. It might be wise to "hide the gear" as it were, and I agree with consulting with the attorney. Cohabitation is viewed differently in different areas. I know of some cases where the kid(s) are under no circumstances to be in the presence of the new significant other.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 8:07:03 AM)
The lawyer should be the one to decide. He knows the court, and their response to situations like this

LillyBoPeep -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 8:09:42 AM)
that's a good point, Iamsemisweet. the OP doesn't specifiy if she means going to court with him, or just being around his house. does it matter either way?

Iamsemisweet -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 8:11:46 AM)
The lawyer should still decide what factors, at home or otherwise, will affect the court's decision. That is what she is getting paid to do.

LafayetteLady -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 9:58:06 AM)
There is also the fact that chances are the one trying to "use" the information against the other also has involvement in the "lifestyle." Dirt cuts both ways and both dominants and slave/submissives will use what they can regarding custody visitation in court. Custoday is a huge issue when it comes to divorce and whether people are "lifestyle" or not is a small part of the dirt that can slung back and forth. I've frequently seen people want the new SO to never be around the children, and I've rarely seen it work. Claims of abuse, drugs, promiscuity, alcoholism and just plain neglect are rampant in a custody case. Sadly, the anger people are feeling about the divorce they use the children as weapons of destruction to the emotions of each other.

SoulAlloy -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 10:05:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: weaselwelder You have never been in the bible belt, have you? True, never been that way, can only speak from experiences here in the UK

straponprincess1 -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 4:44:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Epytropos Being a slave is about obeying. It is not about making choices for your dominant, even when those choices are appealingly self-sacrificial. Let him make his own choices, and abide by them. I agree

DesFIP -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 4:49:34 PM)
If you don't feel comfortable being subpoenaed and having lawyers ask you in court, under oath, about your sex life, which is open information to anyone who cares to find it, then I can see why you wouldn't want to be involved with him. It isn't just his custody issues at stake. It's also about how it would effect her life - family, job etc. And who's to say the ex won't send copies of the juicy stuff to your mom or your boss. Or to the next job you apply for three years from now. Because if they're arguing about custody now, it means the divorce isn't final and the wife could well blame you for him leaving her. And God knows there are a lot of vindictive people out there.

LafayetteLady -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/9/2011 4:55:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If you don't feel comfortable being subpoenaed and having lawyers ask you in court, under oath, about your sex life, which is open information to anyone who cares to find it, then I can see why you wouldn't want to be involved with him. It isn't just his custody issues at stake. It's also about how it would effect her life - family, job etc. And who's to say the ex won't send copies of the juicy stuff to your mom or your boss. Or to the next job you apply for three years from now. Because if they're arguing about custody now, it means the divorce isn't final and the wife could well blame you for him leaving her. And God knows there are a lot of vindictive people out there. Less than 1% of divorces go to trial, so the chances of being receiving a subpoena or testifying is pretty slim. That's pretty much for television and the very wealthy. Also custody issues that arise from a bad divorce will continue long after the divorce is final. Thinking it is over once the divorce is final is naive. Actually making a statement that it is would be based on ignorance.

onedeceptivesub -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/10/2011 3:48:35 PM)
thank you to everyone for all of your caring advice and talking issues. it is complicated because he was not married to the mom who was a sub and the boy is now with his grandparents who are not honoring the visitation that was previously awarded so it is a big mess. he's had to fill out this huge questionnaire and yes, i know it all should be his decision but if i go there and am new to the mix i can't help but feel it would possibly mess things up worse and then even worse if i ended up getting that kind of questionnaire to answer. thank you again for everyone who shared advice.

LafayetteLady -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/10/2011 3:54:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onedeceptivesub thank you to everyone for all of your caring advice and talking issues. it is complicated because he was not married to the mom who was a sub and the boy is now with his grandparents who are not honoring the visitation that was previously awarded so it is a big mess. he's had to fill out this huge questionnaire and yes, i know it all should be his decision but if i go there and am new to the mix i can't help but feel it would possibly mess things up worse and then even worse if i ended up getting that kind of questionnaire to answer. thank you again for everyone who shared advice. So what you are saying is that neither parent was given custody of this child. Their lack of marriage doesn't really complicate things as much as you think. However, the fact that custody wasn't given to this man you are considering involvement with should be of concern. Bible belt or not, parents will still be a first choice over grandparents unless there is a reason. If the court didn't deem him competant, why not? If he chose not to pursue custody, why not? If he isn't competant to raise his own kid, how competant can he be to "master" a sub? If he let his own kid go, sorry, but my opinion is that is a scummy person. Also, exactly how attached, dedicated and loyal do you think a person who has no dedication to their own offspring can be to you?

onedeceptivesub -> RE: slave versus custody/visitation (11/10/2011 4:45:14 PM)
first of all he is NOT scummy. he IS capable. VERY. he IS responsible. he IS smart. he IS committed to being able to have visitation. as for the circumstances of the past, they are the past but the grandparents will not be reasonable.

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