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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/9/2011 9:01:30 PM

Endivius

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I just tell everyone I'm complicated.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/9/2011 9:54:12 PM

GreedyTop

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well, that's just perfect then!! I haven't a clue what to do with a sub... but a bottom, now THAT I can work with ;)

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/9/2011 9:56:29 PM

JanahX

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I found out im not a sub either ..just an asshole. sob ~

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/9/2011 9:57:39 PM

peppermint

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Oh damn. Tell ya what. If you are having fun it doesn't matter one fucking bit. Just go with the flow. Have fun. Don't hurt anyone for really real. AND.....be yourself.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/9/2011 10:10:50 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
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From: West Virginia, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

I've known I got a real buzz of pain for 30 odd yrs just not the rest, I always thought I would/ be/was a subbie but it doesn't quite sit right if that makes sense.

Always been a sadistic bastard with blokes though (on sports pitches). Weird innit.

Heya. My sub's piercer is both a sadist and masochist but is not into D/s. He gets a roaring buzz from hanging from flesh hooks and when I brought my sub in for five frenum ladder piercings over previously scarred tissue, the sadist got a roaring buzz and had to sit down, lol.

My sub also swore he was no kind of masochist and hated pain...and then he met me.

IMHO, either D/s calls to you or it does not...or else it lies sleeping and will someday wake up for the right person. I still remember my epiphanies...like when I "discovered" that I was kinky and was horrified and embarrassed, lol, and later when I discovered that the sub side held no erotic feelings for me and I belonged on the other side of the kneel. Btw, friends diagnosed me as a sub years ago...

I believe it is better to really know yourself and discover who you are on your own. Friends can know sides of us that we sometimes cannot see very clearly ourselves, but...no matter how close someone has been to me, they have never known all of who I am. Remember the tale of the blind men and the elephant.

If you feel she was right at this time in your life...mkay.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 8:08:41 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

I've known I got a real buzz of pain for 30 odd yrs just not the rest, I always thought I would/ be/was a subbie but it doesn't quite sit right if that makes sense.

Always been a sadistic bastard with blokes though (on sports pitches). Weird innit.

Don't feel bad about weirdness. lol I thought I was masochist sub, then a switch, but now I'm sadistic Domme. BUT a Domme who's S/M that bottoms now & then for the sensations. A bottom and not a sub though, cause I tell him what I do & don't want. Welcome to the world of weirdness.

Fitting into boxes SUCKS anyway!!

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 9:29:23 AM

HannahLynn

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quote:

If you feel she was right at this time in your life...mkay.

the bolded part is really fucking important. we change, we grow, and sometimes it just takes the right fucker to bring a whole new side or aspect of yourself.

in many ways wiitwd is a parasitic, or at the very least symbiotic, process. we derive much of our fucking kink identity from the people we interact with. the fact that cynthia's sub was never a fucking masochist before her is a really fucking good example of that. and, further, the fact that he's a maso with her does not mean he necessarily will be with others.

i'm not saying all aspects of our kink identity change with every new partner, but that it does fucking change, sometimes dramatically, and sometimes only slightly, but if you look back 10 years you will probably not define yourself the way you do today. and you probably fucking won't in 10 years time either.

and yea, i know it isn't only the partner that instigates the change, but i think it is the partner that triggers the fucking biggest, most dramatic changes.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 9:54:19 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I started a top...and became a master/mistress. LOTS changed along the way, in terms of how I view my role, and the things I do. We can't help but be influenced by those we interact with, unless we're total narcissists.

I don't know how much I would trust an outsider's opinion...after all, if we all did,we'd be changing like the wind! I don't believe personality = orientation, and Hannah's right about partners changing us.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 10:07:16 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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I started out as a fem dom and for years was utterly clueless that I had a submissive side, this despite the fact that I lived with a male who was obviously sexually dominant (and used me accordingly).

Submissive to me read as "passive." and that was not an attribute I could relate to in any way. Eventually I realized I did have a submissive side, although again, I spent years thinking I was "just sexually sub." My current relationship has made it clear this is so not true.

As I have settled into my role as a switch, my dominant side has become more sadistic, and my sub side more masochistic.

I see this as all natural and normal and the way people evolve through various relationships. On the one hand I think it's important to self reflect and have a good understanding of who you are. On the other, don't let labels get in the way of just plain being you.

Some people will get you, others won't; *I* like you, and really, what else matters?

Grand Mistress Chatte (dang that just has a ring to it)

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 11/10/2011 10:08:18 AM >

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 10:40:09 AM

Ninebelowzero

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Cheers Chatte, fun innit. Well I woke up this morning with the same boner so nothing has really changed, well nothing important anyways.

I still look pretty hot with stripes across my ass.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 10:44:21 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Fine, MOCK ME with being too far away!

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 10:54:17 AM

HannahLynn

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psst hibs.... http://www.expedia.com

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 11:07:35 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Ha!! Would that it were so, Hannah,keeping this fucking practice afloat in the slow season is all I can do!

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 2:23:14 PM

VaguelyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Why can't this be simple?

It is.

You find someone(/someones) you click with, and then they hit you and you have hot kinky monkey sex with them. Or they hit you and skip the kinky monkey sex. Or they skip the hitting and stick with the kinky monkey sex. Whatever.

What's complicated?

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/10/2011 2:27:33 PM

Ninebelowzero

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I suspect that you are as near as dammit to the reality. Here's hoping any way.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 11/29/2011 9:08:16 PM

stacey4u2luv

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

well, that's just perfect then!! I haven't a clue what to do with a sub... but a bottom, now THAT I can work with ;)

At the risk of sounding like a smart ass sub/masochist i just gotta type what came to mind, you eat a sub with all the toppings you like on it and you beat a bottom till it is black and blue.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 12/3/2011 11:01:48 AM

Rectio

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You are a masochist bottom, or you just have a masochist bottom? Once the self-doubt train starts rolling, there are no brakes.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 12/3/2011 4:28:52 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Well fuckadoodledo apparently I'm a bottom masochist or masochist bottom. Glad that's cleared up. Now where's the site for those bloody attributes?

Why can't this be simple?

It also could be that you might be submissive with the right dominant partner.

But meanwhile, don't worry about labels.
The only thing you ever have to be is YOU.

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RE: So I'm not a subbie after all. - 12/3/2011 4:49:53 PM

Politesub53

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