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J79 -> A Submissive's Rule (5/26/2006 1:20:19 PM)
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A Submissive's Rule
Females:
1. I will not hum the theme from Jeopardy while Master decides which implement to spank me with.
2. I will not annotate Master's "To Do" list.
3. I will not applaud when Master uses big words.
4. Master's dog does NOT stink.
5. I will not genuflect at Master's erection.
6. Master does NOT hog the bed.
7. I will not refer to Master's kitty as "snake food."
8. I will not snigger at the pronunciation of Master's commands.
9. I will not perform a ventriloquist act with Master's penis.
10. I will not imitate Master's accent.
11. Master's chair is not to be used to pile my clutter.
12. I will keep my leopard print sheets laundered so that Master is not subjected to "those flowery things."
13. I will not yawn while waiting for Master to climax.
14. I will not chew my collar.
15. I will not giggle during paddlings.
16. I will not propose letter grades when Master belches.
17. I will not snarl when Master asks me to share my chocolate.
18. I will not tell Master he has permission to fuck me.
19. I will not say "good boy" to Master.
20. I will not make shadow puppets in the candlelight while Master is tying me up.
21. I will not critique how Master ties me up.
22. I will not masturbate after Master falls asleep.
23. I will not go out-of-state when borrowing Master's car during lunch.
24. When Master is kind enough to bring me a cup of tea, I will not call him "the tea fairy."
25. No matter how much Master adores me, he does not get down on his knees to do so.
26. I will not yell at the other slaves.
27. I will not change the settings on Master's alarm clock.
28. I will not deliberately mispronounce words to confuse Master.
29. It is unlikely that Master pushed all the covers onto my side of the bed so he could shiver all night.
30. If I don't like the settings on Master's car radio, I can drive my own car.
31. I will not tell Master to go away.
32. I will not accuse Master of being gay when he arranges his driftwood in "artistically pleasing ways."
33. Or his candles.
34. Or his doilies.
35. I am always the spankee; I am never the spanker
36. I will keep my greasy fingertips off Master's computer screen.
37. I will not eat Master's leftovers without permission.
38. When asked how many spanks my misbehavior warrants, I will not answer using fractions.
39. I will not write on Master's back the night before his doctor's appointment.
40. I will not play connect-the-dots with Master's moles
41. I will not make lengthy "to do" lists for Master.
42. On second thoughts, I WILL applaud when Master uses big words (this overrides rule 3).
43. Hooting and whistling, however, is excessive.
44. Master is the judge of whether or not I am a moron.
45. I will be spanked if I leave the caps off Master's pens.
46. If it becomes obvious that I'm deliberately leaving the caps off Master's pens, I will not be spanked. Even if I beg.
47. A warm Master is a happy Master.
48. I will not hoot with laughter when Master accidentally whacks himself on the back of the head with the flogger. 48 is very important.
Males:
1. I will not leave the toilet seat up so in the middle of the night Mistress gets a cold backside.
2. I will not laugh when Mistress yelps after said dunking, if I forget.
3. Mistress' dog is Not *Bait*, Neither 'gator bait, nor Musky bait, and does not wish to go fishing.
4. I will not leave my dirty underwear lying around so Mistress' dog can dance around the house with them when Mistress has company.
5. I will not wait until Mistress cleans the kitchen before making a snack.
6. I will not tie Mistress' hair in knots after she goes to sleep, so it *curls* in the morning.
7. I will not say Mistress looks *cute* when she grabs the paddle.
8. I will not call Mistress a *switch* because she is respectful to male family members.
9. I will not use the flavored lotion to oil Mistress' boots, boot oil is better.
10. I will not hide Mistress' whip, flogger, ect, when I am bad.
11. Mistress' mother is not a *bitch*
12. Mistress' car is not for mud running, or four wheeling.
13. Mistress does not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder because she likes her house clean.
14. I will not deliberately rearrange things to irritate Mistress.
15. I will not laugh and point when Mistress stubs her toe because something is out of place.
16. Mistress does not have a cursing disorder.
17. Mistress does not talk *funny*
18. Mistress' dog is not a barking *rat.* See Rule 3.
19. I will not pat my Mistress on the head, and say *Good Girl*.
20. I will not line up Mistress' toys in the order I want them used.
21. Mistress is the judge of whether I am am good or bad.
22. I will not volunteer information to the Police Officer when Mistress is pulled over for speeding.
23.Laughing unrestrainedly after Mistress gets tickets is excessive.
24.When asked to take the trash out I will not set it on the porch, I will take it to the garbage can.
25.Mistress' computer desk is not a place for my *junk*.
26.I will not pick at my food and ask "What is it?" When Mistress deigns to cook.
27. I will not ask if she is sure when Mistress answers.
28. I will not slip my food to the dog when Mistress is not looking.
29. I will not make gestures behind Mistress' back when she berates me.
30. Mistress' bathtub is not a swimming pool.
31. Mistress' perfume is not *air freshener*
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