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LillyBoPeep -> Looks (11/13/2011 4:16:36 PM)

I've been trying to figure out how to frame this topic without it turning into something ugly (ba-dum-CHI!), hopefully not a fat thread, and not a "what's wrong with women" thread, but I suppose we'll see what happens. I was researching something else and kind of ended up on a tangent, which lead me to different articles online that deal with perceptions of beauty/ugliness, and how people either choose to accept them or fight against them.

Being Ugly and the power of Beauty - parisianfeline
^^ This article kinda struck me as the rambling of someone with low self-esteem who was trying to come to terms with it.

How to Trick People Into Thinking You're Hot (it's a hamfisted satire =p)
^^ This video is hilarious, and even though the girl calls herself an "ugly motherfucker," I thought she was pretty gorgeous at the beginning with no makeup and frizzy hair.

Dating Ugly Girls - AskMen
^^ A man finds a girl with everything he wants, except A+ looks.

And we all hear that real beauty is internal, or subjective, etc., but also that attraction matters in romantic relationships. Where do you draw the lines for yourself?

How much do you want your looks to matter to people you meet?
You want your partner to be attracted to you, but not to the point where they would leave you if you were disfigured, or as the natural aging process takes a toll -- how do you determine the balance?

Have you ever found yourself associating something negative with an unrelated yet undesirable physical attribute?

Do you think there is a difference between the genders in the way this comes out? Like you hear "well men are visual creatures," but I've known plenty of very appearance-minded women who say that looks don't matter to them, and yet they do. I'm not sure there's all that much of a difference, really.

The majority of people aren't the top 1% of super attractiveness, I think it's okay to accept that about yourself, but like the first article says, people do swoop in to "rescue" you from that kind of thinking -- that somehow thinking you may not be the hottest thing on the block is wrong and destructive to you, even if you really aren't. It doesn't mean you aren't still awesome. =p



Arpig -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 4:27:41 PM)

quote:

Where do you draw the lines for yourself?
I don't. The women I have been attracted to are all of very different types and degrees of attractiveness. I have an ideal I always find appealing, but in all honesty I have never actually been attracted to a person that is even close to that ideal, so I guess looks really don't matter very much to me.

quote:

How much do you want your looks to matter to people you meet?
Well, given that I'm an ugly old fart, hopefully not at all.

quote:

Have you ever found yourself associating something negative with an unrelated yet undesirable physical attribute?
No.

quote:

Do you think there is a difference between the genders in the way this comes out?
There's a difference in how it is expressed, but I don't really think there is much of an underlying difference. We are culturally conditioned to find certain traits attractive. For example, in Muscovy, it was once considered beautiful for women to be fat and have the whites of their eyes stained black. These days there is a skinny/young model that is almost universal, there are very few real cultural differences left...though in Japan, a beer belly is considered an attractive trait in a man...they call it a "presidential" physique.

In the final analysis, I really don't worry about my looks, there isn't much I can do about them, I am what I am.



Kaliko -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 4:37:46 PM)

Ah, I love your posts. You make it so easy for me to avoid my chores and answer CM questions instead.

I do want to be physically attractive to my partner. As I grow older, though, I become more comfortable with my attractiveness being much more of "me" rather than what someone else may want to see. I also think that physical attractiveness can be more associated with how a woman carries herself, grooms herself, laughs, looks people in the eye, walks...and a man, as well, of course. Looks alone is just looks. The package is what makes someone attractive. (Well, this is a woman, talking. Perhaps men do feel differently.)

For me, the eyes have it. Mine, I mean. I've had too many comments on my eyes, all my life, to disregard their importance in my attractiveness. So, I play up my eyes a bit. Another is my hair. I keep it longer and more untamed, these days. And cleavage. Yes, I've got it (when I dress it up right) and I flaunt it - appropriately. Am I the "hottest thing on the block?" Possibly, if it's a very small block. And if you are an ass-man, you're not going to look twice at me. (I don't think.) It's all, truly, subjective. As long as I know what I feel are my strong points, I can play them up and be what I feel is my most attractive. If I feel my most attractive, then I will be my most attractive.

Plus...hasn't everyone here known that person who became more and more attractive the more you got to know him/her? If I remain beautiful to my partner as I grow older, it's not because I've propped my boobs up or put on mascara. It's because he loves me, and love truly is blind.

But...first I have to snag him. That's where the propped up boobs come in. :)






ashjor911 -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 5:23:54 PM)

Lovley LillyBoPeep....... as usual.[:)]

I dont think there is an "Ugly Girl", what so ever,
everyone is beutifull in the eyes of he/she soulmate, & I really really believe so, self-confident is another matter & its the most thing women can attrakt men with,
every guy out there "most of them" like, love, adore all kinds of strong women ( Not necessarily Dominant ), but strong & hard as they fight for the things that matter the most for her,

In my eyes, I love most about my "girl" to be (80% Devil+ 20 % angel), with eyes that looks into someone soul from the first look.
(she has to be smoker with her boots on, & am sold like that).[8D]

love that kind of posts keep the good Work



Termyn8or -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 5:50:22 PM)

well when my looks went I was fucked.

T^T



Hillwilliam -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 5:52:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

well when my looks went I was (never gonna be) fucked (again).

T^T

I fixed it for ya Termy.[8D]



heartcream -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 6:03:20 PM)

Looks matter. The entire person matters. I am far from perfect but I take care of myself for the most part because I care about maintaining the best possible me. As for a partner I need to feel physically attracted to him. Who someone is on the inside reflects how they look on the outside. I have a problem with guys with blue eyes as a romantic partner. And shorter men. I have dated bald short blue eyed guys but my preference is not these things. My heart is open and hope the best possible partner for me will cross my path and feel likewise about me.



tazzygirl -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 6:07:56 PM)

My first love was shorter than me... blonde.. dark eyes. My friends kept saying.. wtf??

I have loved many men.. different shapes... different sizes. I have always preferred men who had that... control.

The outside didnt matter too much... not as much as what he had on the inside and what he could do with that to me.




sexyred1 -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 6:14:04 PM)

Of course looks matter. Those who say they don't are lying to themselves and others. Women are just as visual as men, but we look beyond, there has to be more.

It is biological; chemistry starts with looks and then moves on to different roads from that initial attraction.

Do looks keep you going or make a relationship work? Oh hell no. Please, if that was the case, we would all still be with our gorgeous boyfriends and husbands who turned out to be colossal assholes. I need to be attracted to my partner but I don't have a type; I look for how they make me feel and that certain spark, how they treat others, if they are funny, charming, smart, so many things. Do I want to be attractive to my partner? Of course; do I want someone who will run after the first wrinkle arrives? Of course not; but if they did, they were not for me to begin with.

As for how I feel about my looks; I think I am attractive and am holding up quite well. I have good genes, and I know how to package myself to maximize my good parts and diminish any flaws.

We all have something, my hair, eyes and smile always get comments.

What is most important to me however, is my brain, how I carry myself, the way I express myself, the way I feel, what makes me laugh and how I make other people feel around me.

To me, long after my external fades, all of my fab internal self will still sexy, still vital and still burning hot. Even if I am the only one who will think that. :)




IrishMist -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 6:15:58 PM)

Looks, beauty, attractiveness...for me they actually fall by the wayside. I am more inclined to be 'attracted' to an older, long, grey haired biker than a young, clean cut model simply because the biker would be the one to give off the aura of 'violence' that I am most attracted to.

I respond more to that than I do to how a person looks.

As for myself, well, I have some pretty good scars over my body that strangers, over the years, have seen and then looked away pretty quick. It's obvious that the scars bother THEM. Myself, I have lived with most of them for my whole life; they are just a part of me.
My back is covered in scars from knives, bullets...I have a bad one that reaches across my back from shoulder to shoulder...that came from a chain with a broken bottle hooked to the end. I got that scar when I was in my teens. I have another that reaches from my chin down my chest; again, a broken bottle.

I am too tall, according to some men lol. I am too skinny, according to others. My boobs are too small, or too big...I have a scar on my belly from when I had my daughter...according to some, that's a turn off. I have tatts...again, a huge turn off to some. I have piercings; also a turn off to some. While my hair is still as dark as it always has been, I have been known to color a stripe of purple down the back simply because it pisses my bosses off lol.

I don't care if anyone else 'likes' the way I look. I am happy with myself. I am healthy, strong, and still able to do my job better than some 20 year olds. I can still take down a banger running at full speed in the opposite direction from me.

I don't need to improve myself because, quite frankly...I am fucking perfect just the way I am. And I am alright with that. What's more, if someone else thinks differently...well, I am alright with that too.

All these people who spend so much time worrying about how they look FOR OTHERS...I actually feel pity for them. They are wasting precious time worrying about what others think about them when instead, they should be enjoying themselves, and their lives.



Epytropos -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 6:20:54 PM)

I tend to work fairly hard at my appearance, especially when I'm in a relationship or I need something from someone (eg job interview, publication, etc). I've experimented over the past couple years, letting myself go and not, and there's a distinct difference in how people respond to the more attractive version.

As to a relationship, physical attraction is very important to me. Maybe that makes me shallow, but such is life. I want my partner to be extremely atracted to me, and vice versa, and if that doesn't happen the whole thing gets a bit dodgy to me. I will occasionally have a fling with someone I don't find hugely attractive because their personality is fascinating enough to draw me in, but for a relationship it just doesn't work for me.

This seems to be the inverse of most people I know - their random hookups are chosen mostly on looks, and their long-term entanglements mostly on personality. That probably makes more sense, if I'm being honest, but I've never been one to let logic get in the way when it comes to relationships.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 7:09:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Looks, beauty, attractiveness...for me they actually fall by the wayside. I am more inclined to be 'attracted' to an older, long, grey haired biker than a young, clean cut model simply because the biker would be the one to give off the aura of 'violence' that I am most attracted to.

I respond more to that than I do to how a person looks.



I can relate to that, very much. I think that's possibly why I'm attracted to the physical "type" that I am; big scruffy burly dudes who look like they've "been through things."

To the rest of the topic, I'm trying to formulate a response without sounding like I lack self-esteem. hahaha

I get complimented on my eyes, a lot. They're kind of a funny color, and people always ask me if I'm wearing contacts. So I consider them my best feature, and I play them up most of the time. I don't wear a lot of makeup, just a little bit of mineral foundation -- which I like because I feel like it doesn't really take away the real me. But I put most of my attention into eyeshadow and junk like that. =p

At the same time, though, I'm aware that I'm kind of a niche market and I've always been. I'm not classically attractive by any stretch of the imagination, and I tend to believe that people who hang out with me are overlooking my appearance. =p

Anyway, with other people,  I feel like I'm attracted to so many other things, that their physical appearance seems minor.

I don't believe I've ever associated a physical trait with a character trait. Some people do, though.







Aileen1968 -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 7:16:15 PM)

I've always looked at it as someone has two choices...find someone that you have incredible chemistry with that you find attractive or find someone that you have incredible chemistry with that you find unattractive.
I always went with the first choice.
I always assumed that most other people did too.
No amount of "personality chemistry" would have made me flip over Shorey if I gagged when he sent his picture.
Luckily for me, he was amazingly handsome to me and that made the personality even better.
If he turned out to be butt ugly, he would have remained someone that I occasionally emailed and I would have continued to look.
I want to smile when I open my eyes in the morning and look over at him. I can't imagine have a coyote morning every morning.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 7:43:21 PM)

Looks matter to everyone I think.  Thank goodness we are all not turned on by the same ones.



MadAxeman -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 7:48:19 PM)

If I had my picture up as my avatar instead of Zoidberg, I wouldn't be able to keep you all at bay with a light saber coated in shit.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 7:53:15 PM)

Dang.

This is pretty much the issue that sucked up my life. Having a facial birth defect gives you a backstage pass to the freak show, yanno?

So I will come back to this, and thanks, lilly, for framing it so well.



MadAxeman -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 8:23:29 PM)

You are akin to a summer's day Hibbie.
Thou art more temperate and more lovely.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Looks (11/13/2011 8:34:33 PM)

Go read your mail, Axey! And all my friends feel that way, ta very much![:D]



MadAxeman -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 12:07:39 AM)

Wow! Nice beaver Hibbie, thanks.



GreedyTop -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 12:19:47 AM)

I have found that someone I click with personality/chemistry - wise becomes more attractive to me over time.

I don't put a lot of stock in my appearance. I RARELY wear make up, or do my hair in any style more complicated than braids. I guess as I've grown older, it matters less to me to strive to attract someone using my looks. Besides, when I do start seeing someone and they're used to me as I usually look, it's fun to blow their mind when I doll myself up! LOL



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