am I wrong? am I?

am I wrong? am I? (Full Version)

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daydreambliever -> am I wrong? am I? (11/14/2011 10:53:42 PM)
hi what is true submission by ur standard? I know u didnot ask my opinion but its a free country ;) If I may.::: I believe it to be giving up self-satisfaction. Of this I am not interested. I want to be satisfied through submission. Where am I wrong? am I?

MistressSnow -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/14/2011 11:00:08 PM)
Day, If I am understanding your question correctly, (and I very well may not) I believe "true submission" is only what you and your Mistress/Master need it to be. Because BDSM is all about emotions, which emotions vary from person to person - there is not a formula to give you. I wish you well!

myotherself -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/14/2011 11:06:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daydreambliever I believe it to be giving up self-satisfaction... <snip>... I want to be satisfied through submission. So you're not really giving up satisfaction per se - you're just finding an alternative route to get there. That's not wrong - we all need to have our needs fulfilled in our relationships otherwise we wouldn't stay in them.

SweetCheri -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/14/2011 11:52:16 PM)
Well this will be the view of somebody so terribly new that the packing peanuts are still in my hair, but here goes. To me "true" submission would be when I derive my satisfaction from subordinating my self to the will of another.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 12:06:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daydreambliever I believe it to be giving up self-satisfaction. Of this I am not interested. I want to be satisfied through submission. Where am I wrong? am I? I wonder what you mean about self-satisfaction, it can have so many meanings. With new submissive males here, I have watched them in the chatrooms finding cyber partners to dominate them...and often it seems their roleplays involve orgasm control. If they find it hot, they stay with their cyber partner, or else...between fantasies of giving up control...they wank off. By the way...nice name you chose. I like it. If submitting to someone doesn't fill some empty space in your soul, make you feel blissful and at peace sometimes, make you feel incredibly horny at others...why would any man be drawn to it? Find out what you need, what calls to you, then look for someone who is compatible. There are a lot of non-porn, non-fantasy BDSM books out there to help you learn the ropes and set standards for yourself. It is okay to only like the kink as bedroom only playtime, or to enjoy S&M without submitting to anyone. Not everyone is into what I am into, primarily the D/s relationship for day to day living. I like service, and my slave enjoys being allowed to serve. It feeds his soul and feels erotic and loving. Learn about yourself, read some BDSM books by Warren, Rinella, or Wiseman. You will find the answers that feel right for you.

DarkSteven -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 12:16:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daydreambliever hi what is true submission by ur standard? I know u didnot ask my opinion but its a free country ;) If I may.::: I believe it to be giving up self-satisfaction. Of this I am not interested. I want to be satisfied through submission. Where am I wrong? am I? By my standard, true submission is about a sub focusing on my satisfaction. If she's not satisfied by that, she's not going to stay.

Fornica -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 5:31:19 AM)
Can you expand on what you mean? I believe the satisfaction comes from the dynamic that you and and your partner create, whatever that may look like.

littlewonder -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 5:59:22 AM)
If I wasn't satisfied I wouldn't be doing it. Serving him satisfies me. That does not negate my happiness. In fact just the opposite. If it doesn't bring you satisfaction and happiness then don't do it. Why would you?

LafayetteLady -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 6:14:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daydreambliever hi what is true submission by ur standard? I know u didnot ask my opinion but its a free country ;) If I may.::: I believe it to be giving up self-satisfaction. Of this I am not interested. I want to be satisfied through submission. Where am I wrong? am I? First thing you need to do is rid your mind of the idea that there is a "true" way. There isn't. What is "true" is different for everyone. However, most people wouldn't be involved if they weren't getting something out of the deal. Getting satisfaction from serving someone is still satisfaction. Again, if you are talking primarily about sexual satisfaction, that is a totally different issue. Again, though, that all depends on the people involved.

JanahX -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 6:46:05 AM)
first off .. there is no TRUE submission. God I fucking hate it when someone uses the word TRUE .. TRUE SUB, TRUE MASTER ... in comparison to what? A fake? According to whom? What is real to one person is bullshit to the next. Youre not wrong - because this is YOUR DEAL. No one is going to come and make up the rules for what you want in your dynamic between you and the person you want to be with. If thats what flicks your bic ... then go get your rocks off and have fun/self-loathe .. or whatever it is that fills your need to do it.

SadisticMs2 -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 7:25:57 AM)
I'm going to leave terms like "twue" and "real" out of it for obvious reasons.....suffice to say, I recently got told I "wasn't real" because I wouldn't provide online wanking material to some idiot who contacted me. That said - to me, submission is "submitting to the will of another in order to please that person". (BTW, the "another" isn't your cock. Really.) It's about the mindset and drive, not about getting "sub like things" done to you. One of the harder things about submission is that sometimes "generic you" have to give up the very things - the thoughts of specific sexual acts that turn you on - that draw you to the lifestyle because that's not what the Dominant wants. If you cling to wanting certain acts and can't get that primary pleasure out of serving....most likely "generic you" are a bottom. Nothing wrong with that, but it's coming to all of this from a different headspace than a submissive does. And trying to have a relationship with a Dominant when you're a bottom is a square peg/round hole situation - it's just not a good fit. Not surprisingly, I think bottoms are fairly common and submissives are relatively rare particularly when it comes to males.

daydreambliever -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 7:39:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fornica Can you expand on what you mean? I believe the satisfaction comes from the dynamic that you and and your partner create, whatever that may look like. I am responding to a typic that is prevalent on many female Domme's ads particularly pro-dominatrices....They say if u want to find arousal from service then this is not true submission. They say "if u r interested in TRUE submission then contact me..." Sometime I write my interests and Dominants will claim to be turned off by my "submission being directly linked to their ability to arouse me."(their words not mine)

SadisticMs2 -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 7:41:38 AM)
Well sure... Understand that the porn/sex industry is mostly aimed at parting a guy from his cash, so they'll tell you what statistically most guys want to hear and will shell out cash to get.

daydreambliever -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 7:48:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SadisticMs2 I'm going to leave terms like "twue" and "real" out of it for obvious reasons.....suffice to say, I recently got told I "wasn't real" because I wouldn't provide online wanking material to some idiot who contacted me. That said - to me, submission is "submitting to the will of another in order to please that person". (BTW, the "another" isn't your cock. Really.) It's about the mindset and drive, not about getting "sub like things" done to you. One of the harder things about submission is that sometimes "generic you" have to give up the very things - the thoughts of specific sexual acts that turn you on - that draw you to the lifestyle because that's not what the Dominant wants. If you cling to wanting certain acts and can't get that primary pleasure out of serving....most likely "generic you" are a bottom. Nothing wrong with that, but it's coming to all of this from a different headspace than a submissive does. And trying to have a relationship with a Dominant when you're a bottom is a square peg/round hole situation - it's just not a good fit. Not surprisingly, I think bottoms are fairly common and submissives are relatively rare particularly when it comes to males. I serve non-sexually yet non-sexual service is just as arousing. fun fact is regular platonic-conversation arouses me... just speaking with women who are of highly superior intelligence for example shrinks and even she of superior street-smarts arouses me. I feel like my honesty about this has villainized my various profile attempts.lol

DesFIP -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 8:12:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SadisticMs2 One of the harder things about submission is that sometimes "generic you" have to give up the very things - the thoughts of specific sexual acts that turn you on - that draw you to the lifestyle because that's not what the Dominant wants. If you cling to wanting certain acts and can't get that primary pleasure out of serving....most likely "generic you" are a bottom. Or more likely, you simply aren't compatible with this dominant. Intelligent people seek partners who they have a lot of compatibility with so that there isn't always a huge divide between them. I'm not compatible with dominants who are vegetarians. I cling to eating meat. Doesn't mean I'm just a bottom, it means I need to be careful about who I commit to. And that I needed to make sure before committing that we had enough in common so my needs would be met as well.

SadisticMs2 -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 8:55:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Or more likely, you simply aren't compatible with this dominant. Intelligent people seek partners who they have a lot of compatibility with so that there isn't always a huge divide between them. I'm not compatible with dominants who are vegetarians. I cling to eating meat. Doesn't mean I'm just a bottom, it means I need to be careful about who I commit to. And that I needed to make sure before committing that we had enough in common so my needs would be met as well. Compatibility goes without saying, or at least it should. . I'm more referring to those that are more focused on getting specific acts within BDSM - i.e. those looking to "submit" to a Dominant who is going to do whatever their laundry list of fetish acts are, rather than to find that deeper connection and please that individual Dominant with whom they've developed a relationship.

LaTigresse -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 9:30:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: daydreambliever hi what is true submission by ur standard? I know u didnot ask my opinion but its a free country ;) If I may.::: I believe it to be giving up self-satisfaction. Of this I am not interested. I want to be satisfied through submission. Where am I wrong? am I? By my standard, true submission is about a sub focusing on my satisfaction. If she's not satisfied by that, she's not going to stay. I think Steven's answer is what really take's it to the core.

stellauk -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 11:43:02 AM)
First off there is no such thing as 'true' submission. There's submission in the way you get to define it, and you discover that through direct experience and discovering what it is that brings you fulfillment. When you've discovered that, all you need to do is to find a Dominant who's preferred style of domination is also fulfilled by the way you submit. The objective here is that two people, you and your Dominant, both get something from you giving up control and allowing them to exercise that control over you by various means. It's like a team, a unit, a pair, and it depends on the usual stuff a relationship entails - trust, communication, chemistry, etc. I also like your screenname.

kalikshama -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 11:57:43 AM)
quote: I'm not compatible with dominants who are vegetarians. I cling to eating meat. Doesn't mean I'm just a bottom, it means I need to be careful about who I commit to. And that I needed to make sure before committing that we had enough in common so my needs would be met as well. Nice! I've got some satisfaction from service-only relationships, but know that I am happiest when both serving and getting beaten. If M only wanted to beat me and didn't let me cook for him or pick up his dirty socks, I would be less satisfied. OP - by self-satisfaction are you referring to orgasms? If you like having them, don't sign up with a Domme who insists on chastity - you two won't be compatible. Doesn't make you any less submissive, just aware of your needs.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: am I wrong? am I? (11/15/2011 12:07:57 PM)
I'm glad the rest of you understood what the OP was asking, I sure didn't!

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