|
NuevaVida -> RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! (11/18/2011 10:57:12 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
I think part of my problem is, after a 20 year marriage that was not D/s, but was more domineering asshole, my new found freedoms are something that I thought I would never want. Being 40 before ever being on my own was so scary, but, having survived it and becoming a completely self sufficient person, I am almost terrified of giving up one little bit of my freedom.
Everything was so easy the first time, a couple of years after my divorce, when my first dom fell into my lap. I gave my self so easily, and it was painless and effortless. Now, I wonder if I have changed too much to ever do that again.
Bah. Things always seem to happen so easily, when they are right. I just hope I have not avoided a right one because of my silly inner voices and stubbornness.
You have just completely described me, to a tee, except add to it an extremely strict and emotionally sadistic master right after the marriage.
So yeah, life began in my early 40's, on my own, when I could do whatever the heck I wanted. I was my own boss - owner of myself. Very cool. Awesome, in fact.
So now I'm 2 1/2 years into this really cool relationship and every once in awhile I have these "Holy fuck, am I doing it again??" moments that stop me in my tracks. Because, for the life of me, I can not lose myself again.
But here's the difference. The difference is this is a man who encourages me to be happy, to be true to myself, to continue to be the woman I am with all my little quirks. And when he's wanted things changed, he does it super slowly - baby steps. He also doesn't sweat the small stuff, and he is willing to look at the bigger picture and decide if he really wants me to change something or if he's willing to adapt around something because, after all, maybe HE will grow from that.
So as for the TV, I don't have a TV in my bedroom, because I had such severe sleeping disorders that my bedroom now needs to be my "place of zen" (as I call it) - No TV, No clock, and decorated with colors that I love, candles, and works of art that make me feel peaceful. He, on the other hand, falls asleep to his TV. And has a clock. Huh.
We live separately right now. In time we will live together. For now, he turns the TV off when we go to bed. He says he's watching it less and less at bed time, and doesn't miss it. He says when we move in together, the bedroom will be mine to decorate, to turn into our "place of zen." He likes how I have my bedroom. He's willing to expand his own views and change his own room.
On the other hand, he loves to burn insense. I hate it. I deal with it. However, once I made a comment that burning insense while I cook (covering up all the yummy smells of dinner) was incredulous (kidding with that word). He agreed, and stopped burning it when I cook.
I found that when I joined myself with someone I totally mesh with, I don't have to worry about the little things. I've adapted to a lot of his ways of doing things, but he's adapted to some of mine, too. And when I get that "Oh crap, I'm losing myself" feeling (which is less and less frequent), I remind myself of who he is, and that I am keeping myself in check (it's automatic now), and that I can talk to him about it if I decide it's a big concern at some point. You see, I might give up a little thing here or there, but all the other things I can continue to be totally tips the scale.
The other thing is, merging my life with someone does not have to mean giving up "me", like I did before. As I let go of old habits and patterns and embrace his, I realize he is also doing some of the same, and I'm keeping the important parts of me....always.
|
|
|
|
