RE: Collar Me and socializing (Full Version)

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werebeastie -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 11:34:51 AM)

lw, understood ...



Kana -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 11:59:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: werebeastie

hehe Kana I like the translation for the most part ...  it should be "too" busy ... and as far as who lets a slave lead ... I am comfortable enough in my masculinity and "Dom-ness" to allow my slave to lead in many areas.  They are intelligent capable human beings ... I would wonder what sort of Dominant is so insecure that they must always be in charge and thereby fail to utilize resources to their fullest potential.  


Speaking only for myself, the not letting slaves lead has a whole lot less to do with personal insecurity than relationship dynamics. It's been my overall experience (Warning-sweeping generalization ahead. Do you hear me, oh Captains of the Titanic who are about to quibble over pins,angels and headcounts) that slave/sub gals are slave/sub gals because they don't like/want/desire to lead in their personal sexual relationships. They like the guy to take charge, make the call. As a friend puts it, "I like a man who drives the car."

Now that don't me I don't ask (sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, circumstances and mood dependent) but the final call is always mine.
In doing so,I ain't denying her anything-I recognize that she is a fully competent autonomous human being more than capable of acting on her own (And in some, heck, many areas, she functions better than I do and has more knowledge, like computers. In those instances I do what the big bosses like to call delegation, which is I hand her my shit and say fix it and don't ask any questions other than to give her a deadline when it needs to be done by.), but she yielded the authority to me here, so it's on me to take it.

I could make a strong argument that it would be insensitive of me to fail to take command. Point of fact, that's exactly what I believe.
Going further, I would also argue that failure to take said command is usually rooted in insecurities, especially with new or newer type doms, in that they are insecure in their power/control as a dom and their sexual effect/personal/mental effect on her.

Edited to add-You got me on the to rather than too. Shrugs. Dyslexia sucks. What can I say?



TheFireWithinMe -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:04:53 PM)

I agree with you Kana. If I wanted a relationship in which I took the lead in some situations I would look for a vanilla 50/50 relationship. Telling me to take charge of stuff would just confuse me and make me wonder who was in charge.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:05:14 PM)

^^^ Aaaallll of that right there gets a resounding

+1
ETA:

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe

Telling me to take charge of stuff would just confuse me and make me wonder who was in charge.


I'm okay with "delegating" -- but the key idea is that the Dude in Charge is delegating to me, rather than expecting me to plot the course altogether. I'm not the Captain for a reason...




heartcream -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:18:00 PM)

I couldnt read the OP, way too many words and convoluted sentences. I agree with Kana re Star Trek comment. Wasnt there also a movie with that younger Jack Nicholsonesquey actor (forget his name) went around killing people and saying "Greetings and Salutations"? I get a kick out of Kana and could infer the meaning of the OP by following his posts. I have been in chat rooms once in a rare while and found them for 99% very lame. Sad but true. Havent seen any of youse in there. Okay a couple of years ago I saw SM in there. He was promptly tossed out though.



Kana -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:18:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

^^^ Aaaallll of that right there gets a resounding
+1
ETA:

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe

Telling me to take charge of stuff would just confuse me and make me wonder who was in charge.


I'm okay with "delegating" -- but the key idea is that the Dude in Charge is delegating to me, rather than expecting me to plot the course altogether. I'm not the Captain for a reason...


And the reason slaves are OK with delegating is that it's still being done on his terms.
Chortles.
And with corresponding terms for failure.
Mmmuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh



werebeastie -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:33:17 PM)

The SAS huh?  Well, I'd be damned careful trying to nick any of their toys hehehe seems like a good way to join the zombie ranks



Ninebelowzero -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:36:53 PM)

Post apocalypse it's where I'm heading to get tooled yp.



DesFIP -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:43:35 PM)

Opening day of rifle season today. Hunter missed a big buck who then ran and stood in my driveway looking back at him. As if he knew the law says no rifle shooting within 75 yards of the house. I've had as many as 11 huddle around the house during hunting season.

Firstly, op, you're wrong about believing it's so easy for vanillas to find their perfect match. If that were true the divorce rate wouldn't be 50%. And that belief tells me why you can't meet someone. You aren't looking for a person but a role comprised of solely those things you have in your wish list. Not a real person who you interact with.

This isn't like shopping where you examine stuff till you find the item with all the bells and whistles you want within your predetermined price range. It's a journey. Expecting to find someone who will become a slave to you on the first date or even the tenth is unrealistic. The only people who are willing to do that are people you really wouldn't want to know. It's about compatibility and chemistry and allowing the relationship to grow organically. If you are a good enough dominant for her, she will be inspired to submit to you. The more good decisions you make, the more her trust in you will grow. Until one day you look around and say "wow, look where I am and it doesn't look at all like I imagined it but it's much better than the fantasy".



werebeastie -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:56:18 PM)

wow nice response Kana, thank you ... it seems now that we are more on the same page because here in your response I note that you say ...

that slave/sub gals are slave/sub gals because they don't like/want/desire to lead in their personal sexual relationships.

while all sex is social to some degree not all social interaction is sexual ... so when I delegate the social lead to my slave and she sends cards and makes other socially appropriate gestures* all needs are met and she has not been without the sexual** lead she as a sub/slave seeks.

*ie shit I'm not going to do and specifically expect my slave to do as a matter of practice.

**I would prefer a broader term than sexual, perhaps "private life" ... don't know ... sexual just seems a bit limiting.



werebeastie -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 12:59:35 PM)

Fire,

This is a good example of why each person needs to spend time to genuinely understand the other person in the relationship with them.  Due diligence before hand saves time, effort and leads to healthier happier relationships.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 2:51:34 PM)

If you make those things one of your s-person's jobs, that's different. The way it came across initially seemed like you were expecting her to drag you along and make all the social moves.



TheFireWithinMe -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 6:39:11 PM)

That's what I understood too.



switchblademoi -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/19/2011 10:57:32 PM)

By and large, there isn't much socializing on collarme. Mostly, it's a personal-ads meet market. There are a few people who take part in chatrooms and a few more who take part in these forums. If you enjoy that, great, though I don't think either offers fullfilling intimate connections for most people. What you see is what you get. If the forums speak to you, take part. If they don't, don't.



kalikshama -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/20/2011 7:26:59 AM)

quote:

Wasnt there also a movie with that younger Jack Nicholsonesquey actor (forget his name) went around killing people and saying "Greetings and Salutations"?


Christian Slater in Heathers.

/LOVES Heathers!/



kalikshama -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/20/2011 7:32:39 AM)

quote:

I will continue to become more deeply involved in the local scene … within the limits of my admittedly less than gregarious nature. It is in my nature and plans to allow my slave to lead us in the social pleasantries, obligations and such.


In my marriage, I was more extroverted, and thus the social director. Lately, I've been with men more extroverted than I am, and they are the social directors.

Just force yourself to get out there - you'll be glad you did!



werebeastie -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/20/2011 12:35:38 PM)

I am in complete agreement with you ... you really just got to get involved ...

Part of me thinks what a pity seems like genetic manipulation should be far enough along that we could just order what we want hahaha



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/20/2011 12:45:57 PM)

Go back and read DEsFIP's post seven or eight times. Or more.

As for the forums not being a place to make intimate connections as one poster opines...I am going to another CM wedding next summer. There have been MANY successful matches made here, and even more close friendships. The key is being open to PEOPLE, not to orientations, genders, or hair colours, but people and making connections.




Suleiman -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/21/2011 9:20:21 AM)

I find myself to be in a similar situation to the OP. When I have the option of having a real life, I engage in real-world activities (hence, my periodic months or years long disappearances from this site). I have not been very interested in the chatrooms, and the few times I have randomly poked my head in to see if anything was going on, I was left with an impression equal to the OPs, although several friends and acquaintances assured me that the chatrooms are quite active.

On a side note, since the OP later commented on editing problems, I've found that pasting text will always lose formatting. I suspect that converting the document to .html first would fix that, but I just go through and manually adjust the wysiwyg before posting (or, admittedly, right after on occasion).



werebeastie -> RE: Collar Me and socializing (11/21/2011 1:30:55 PM)

Thank you so much for the support, it is good to know I am not the only one to have these thoughts.



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