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Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 4:07:16 PM

AngelSighs

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline

Let me preface this by saying a Dom from overseas (I'm in the US) approached me with a harmless conversation. So I gave my e-mail address. Relax, this one is masked A LOT so it has NO personal info in it. I figured he wanted to practice his English.

When he started our conversation online, it got weird quick. He told me that I wasn't serious about the lifestyle. I don't know where he came up with that.

Then he proceeded to be abusive, so I let him know that I am UNOWNED and NOT HIS SUB, so he should be respectful. He got mad.

Then he got mad again when I told him I don't cam with strangers.....and I don't. I also don't have one on this PC. I do otherwise though.

But when he started acting childish again, I called him on it. Then I was threatened with "the blue screen of death". I closed the conversation.

And he came back. And I closed again.
And he came back. And I called him a little boy after he threatened me again and he again threatened me with the blue screen of death.

Now I've run into this attitude before on more than one occasion. So is this something I should get used to from Doms? Or is it STILL permissible to call people out when they attempt to abuse you?

Just wondering here...........

Post #: 1

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 4:17:34 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

I don't call people out. But truthfully, I can't recall many times that a man has become rude or abusive to me via email. (Well...unless I wanted him to. :)

Then again, I don't hold email conversations with many men. If one of them did become rude like that, I think I wouldn't even expend the energy in calling them out. I think that's probably sinking to their level. Just let it alone.

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 2

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 4:18:29 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

if he gets to be too much of a whingy asshole, just report him . No..you dont have to do anything for anyone. Until YOU decide. However...calling them out here is frowned upon. Your "douche canoe" maybe someone elses dreamy darling dominant. But YOU can report his behaviour in the mail..block, delete, and prepare for the next.

PS good luck:)

< Message edited by Lucylastic -- 11/19/2011 4:19:16 PM >

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Dont Hate Love

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 3

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 4:30:31 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

Hell, I'd report him for verbal abuse and threats (as well as block him).

It is NOT something you should get used to from Doms. That isn't dominant behavior. It is domineering behavior and often stems from insecurity and weakness.

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 4

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 4:37:05 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

There seems to be a certain group of socially inept men who find D/s and think their problems finding a woman are solved, because now they've found the answer to their problems....a woman who HAS to accept them as they are. This little group always seems to be frustrated at the amount of fakes on here (of course that woman is a fake if she won't go out with him) and how inexcusable it is that submissives and slaves have things they want out of a relationship or preferences. Oh my, they get so bent out of shape by that, how dare those women call themselves a sub/slave and say they want things! Preferences? What? How dare that happen! The self-righteous whining fairly flies off the page it is so filled with aggrieved agitation. Sometimes I almost find myself wanting to wipe the spit off the screen from their profiles/journals.

No, don't get used to having temper tantrums thrown at you - call people on their bad behavior if you want to or just ignore it, but don't think that automatic acceptance has to come on your part to whatever someone chooses to toss at you. I'm no one's garbage dump. You don't agree to be treated poorly because you call yourself a sub/slave, and you have the right to look for what you find attractive in someone's features and personality as much as some would deny you that right. I can look for only red headed guys named Billy if I so feel like it. Once I give Billy the ok, he's got the right to do what he wants with me, but that comes later after I've decided he's a stand-up guy and I trust him.

Screw instant D/s, it's on me to decide who to trust - no one else. If I did let some guy tell me what to do just because he thought he could- I'd be an idiot. It's my responsibility to check things out and it's on me to do it. Sure, this stuff happens where people get pushy, it's kind of the nature of the beast when dealing with Dominants. They tend to be assertive, imagine that. I put up the roadblock if i need to slow things down, if they pay attention to me then we can continue, if not then he's not a person I'll want to deal with. No need for me to get pissy, I try being calm and respectful - if that's not what i get in return I'm out of there.

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 5

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 4:41:56 PM

AngelSighs

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline

Kaliko -

I called him out in our chat, not here. I wouldn't embarrass anyone publicly. It's not my style. I didn't mean to leave that impression.

I'll give him enough rope to hang himself with that. But I'm running into it more often online than I expected. I haven't experienced it when attending events locally, I'm getting more frustrated by it as I was raised to be polite, but this crossed all boundaries of basic manners. The Doms I've met locally have been very polite and respectful.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just bumping into more psychos online. Who knows?

Thanks!

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 6

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 4:44:48 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

Youre 53 years old. Why are you acting like you dont know how the human species acts? Have you been living in a basement without human contact at all?

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(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 7

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 4:55:12 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelSighs

Kaliko -

I called him out in our chat, not here. I wouldn't embarrass anyone publicly. It's not my style. I didn't mean to leave that impression.

I'll give him enough rope to hang himself with that. But I'm running into it more often online than I expected. I haven't experienced it when attending events locally, I'm getting more frustrated by it as I was raised to be polite, but this crossed all boundaries of basic manners. The Doms I've met locally have been very polite and respectful.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just bumping into more psychos online. Who knows?

Thanks!

I didn't get that impression. I meant during messaging with him...why bother calling him out? For that matter, why even "give him enough rope" to hang himself? Don't give any rope, don't call him out...just take the high road and cease communication.

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 8

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 5:00:47 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

OP... to answer your question, yes some do. Some of them will be stupid, wannabe jackasses, others will be experienced, successful doms that are looking for just the kind of sub who will submit from the very start.

Since you're clearly not the sort of sub who wants to be dominated from the get go you can treat the two types in the same way - just move on.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 9

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 5:07:36 PM

AngelSighs

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline

JanahX
Corrupted

[link=http://www.collarme.com/JanahX][/link]

Posts: 593
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline Youre 53 years old. Why are you acting like you dont know how the human species acts? Have you been living in a basement without human contact at all?

_____________________________

You're actually not too far off the mark. I've been buried under school work for many years trying to work and get an education. I've always wanted a college education and I spend all my "spare" time with my nose in a book. I live (almost) like a hermit and am working to change that.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 10

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/19/2011 7:41:54 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

Then I was threatened with "the blue screen of death".

That made Hanners laugh so hard she snorted chocolate milk out her nose!

Myself, I would have probably just cut him off at the first instance of getting abusive.

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by HeatherMcLeather -- 11/19/2011 7:42:40 PM >

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 11

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/20/2011 4:19:42 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

LOL!!!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

Then I was threatened with "the blue screen of death".
That made Hanners laugh so hard she snorted chocolate milk out her nose!

Myself, I would have probably just cut him off at the first instance of getting abusive.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 12

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/20/2011 4:34:36 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelSighs

But I'm running into it more often online than I expected. I haven't experienced it when attending events locally, I'm getting more frustrated by it as I was raised to be polite, but this crossed all boundaries of basic manners. The Doms I've met locally have been very polite and respectful.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just bumping into more psychos online. Who knows?

Hi, Angel. Welcome to collarme.

It's long been my contention that online has a lot more wankers/ pretend Doms than RL.

1. As my girlfriend lizi stated, there are men who lack the social skills for RL and live online.
2. The community tends to be self-policing. Idiots like the one you described would not be welcome. They might even have attended an event or two and been banned.

If someone tries to pull stuff on you, simply report, block, and delete. No need to engage at all.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 13

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/20/2011 5:52:17 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

"So is this something I should get used to from Doms?"

Some men are assholes. I would think by your age you would know that by now.

"Or is it STILL permissible to call people out when they attempt to abuse you?"

Pretty sure you know the answer to this one also.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to AngelSighs)

Post #: 14

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/20/2011 5:53:02 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

As long as you keep responding, he thinks he's gotten his hooks into you and you will capitulate.

If you got into casual conversation with a guy on the bus who got weird, would you keep talking to him? Or would you walk away?

No difference online.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/20/2011 5:54:35 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

One can't play tennis alone.

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HST

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/20/2011 6:05:04 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

If someone tries to pull stuff on you, simply report, block, and delete. No need to engage at all.

I only engage when I feel like offering a public service.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 17

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/20/2011 7:20:09 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

If someone tries to pull stuff on you, simply report, block, and delete. No need to engage at all.

I only engage when I feel like offering a public service.

I only engage to be entertained ;)

And yes, this is what you can expect from many online players. Meeting a real dominant often means meeting them in REAL life.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 18

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/20/2011 7:46:24 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

~FR~
OP, if he gets whiny and threatens you with the blue screen of death, just let it happen and don't engage him. If you engage him, it will let the whiny asshole think he still has a chance with you and just give him more opportunities to be abusive. Just cut your losses and move on, there will always be more where he came from, most likely not as whiny and abusive and more mature.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 19

RE: Do Doms REALLY expect to Dom newbies? - 11/22/2011 7:52:44 PM

AngelSighs

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline

Thanks all of you for your comments. His response was a total surprise as he'd been so polite while on this site. I know "tone" in e-mail can be difficult, but it was just rude. When he threatened BSOD, I thought it extreme for reminding him that basic manners are important.

But, you live and learn......hopefully. 1 down, so many more to sort through. Just today my toes (old picture not this one) were compared to an abortion. A bit extreme, but still rude.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 20

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