My First time here (Full Version)

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Mistress Jane -> My First time here (11/20/2011 7:27:47 AM)

My Question to the Dom/mme here is:

Should you cut your sub off from everyone while you are training him?

Ms Jane



myotherself -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:33:45 AM)

Not a Dom/me, but if one tried to cut me off from my friends, family, work etc then I'd be walking away from them pretty damn quickly.




Mistress Jane -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:36:44 AM)

This sub has not been cut off from work or family...........rather those his Domme feels will turn him against her

Do you think this is a form of  brainwashing? or could be



kalikshama -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:39:22 AM)

I can think of some circumstances where isolation would be useful - boot camp and rehab spring to mind. What are you trying to accomplish with this training? Will you be training 24/7? No, because this is real life, not "The Marketplace."

(BTW - they had support staff in "The Marketplace" and kept the trainees occupied 24/7.)



myotherself -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:39:58 AM)

To be honest, it would raise huge red flags for me.

Why would those friends/family want to turn the sub against his Domme? Are their concerns legitimate, or borne from not understanding the kind of relationship he wants or needs (assuming they know he's a sub), or do they simply not like the woman?

If he's a big boy, then he's going to have to deal with that stuff himself. Cutting him off from these people for any length of time isn't going to make the problem go away, simply delay it until a later date and possibly inflame it further.



GreedyTop -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:41:47 AM)

as usual, Bunny speaks my mind...



kalikshama -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:42:16 AM)

quote:

This sub has not been cut off from work or family...........rather those his Domme feels will turn him against her


You do realize this is a cult mentality, don't you?

quote:

Do you think this is a form of brainwashing? or could be


Yes, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult#Mind_control



Fornica -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:43:57 AM)

This.
It's the real world out there. People have jobs..friends, family. Things to do. I mean..most. Hopefully.
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama


You do realize this is a cult mentality, don't you?






GreedyTop -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:47:16 AM)

~FR~

the last time someone did that to me, it didnt take long for it to escalate to physical violence.

My bad for allowing the distancing to happen (I kept justifying to myself as "hey.. all my folks dont HAVE to like each other" - and I still believe that. The red flags should have been HOW he went about it... ). I am still trying to mend fences with those that he caused the rift with.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:49:05 AM)

Have you spoken to both parties involved to understand the motivation for this? There seems to be a fanatasy among msubs to be swept away where family and friends will never see them again, at least there have been seeeveral threads here with that focus.

In vannilla relationships, new couples often spend a ton of time together and sort of insulate themselves from outside influences that might try to cause problems. Is it possible that the msub is interpreting it through the lens of a fantasy and making it sound worse than it is?

That's kind of a double edged sword though - the "cult mentality" is certainly possible, and can become emotionally abusive. Do you know this msub personally? Has his behavior or self-esteem changed in a negative way? Do you feel like he's trying to ask for help but isn't sure what to do? There isn't really enough info to say anything definitive.



BoxwineForBrunch -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:55:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistress Jane

My Question to the Dom/mme here is:

Should you cut your sub off from everyone while you are training him?

Ms Jane



lol wot

i won't address the question itself, which is absurd on the face of it. instead i will focus on the deeply worrisome attitude lurking beneath the question: that of the siege mentality.

by even posing this question, a deep level of defeatism s and desperation is being betrayed. "they" will turn him against his mistress and the only way to prevent this is through isolation. this attitude is making the assumption that the best case scenario is to use each other up before the inevitable collapse. if i ever found myself feeling this way about someone who was submissive to me, i would back off the relationship post haste and sort my own shit out; and if i ever found someone feeling this way toward me i would run like hell.



kalikshama -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:55:58 AM)

quote:

Have you spoken to both parties involved to understand the motivation for this?


Thanks Lilly for this perspective.

Ms Jane - please clarify - are YOU the trainer or are you referring to another?



lizi -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:56:18 AM)

With most things, if you don't have anything to hide then you don't care who wants to peek in and you wouldn't have an issue saying I'm doing this, this, and this. When people feel they want to hide things then yes...it raises red flags. Especially the part where she wants to just isolate him from people who'd disagree with her. That to me says she's aware that something she is doing might not be completely above board.

The whole 'training' thing always makes me wonder anyway. IMO it's like blowing up a normal situation into something weird. I guess if that's your thing then go for it but it just seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. Could she be using training as a disguise for something else? Maybe. Especially if she doesn't want certain people to know about it.
He should be looking out for himself here.



Delilya -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 7:58:37 AM)

I don't know all the particulars but the idea is not appealing to me.



Whenready -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 8:03:34 AM)

Not enough circumstantial or other information to offer an intelligent response.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 8:05:05 AM)

And you know, sometimes someone on the outside will feel like the new relationship is requirinng you to "close off" just because you're hanging out with that person a lot. They misunderstand and then ask people with no background in order to validate their feelings.



Mistress Jane -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 8:13:16 AM)

I am NOT the trainer..........I did have this sub for over a year until he decided he could not love me........he then went to this new Domme.

Here is a bit of history on him:  had a Domme 2 yrs ago that treated him like shit, then was a play partner to two Dommes in his area, then a Domme in Hamilton......while chatting with me ( did not know this until later ) he was seeing another but dropped her for me.......now this one is the one that has stopped
him from writing or chatting to any of is friends on line .......to me this sounds like this new one is terrified that she will be put aside for another like the rest
of us were.........she even contacted me to see about this boy and I gave my honest opinion that he would not stay

I do not think that having to cut a boy from friends is something anyone should do. If he cannot take care of his things by himself, then what kind of sub can he
be

Thank you to everyone that is commenting



Madame4a -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 8:30:48 AM)

The answer to your OP is no.

And below -- if you're worried about this, then perhaps you should rethink either you, your approach, the person you're engaging with -- or the relationship in general. While the 'isolation' thing is a red flag, what you've mentioned below is a bigger one for me.

Face it, if the person doesn't trust you, and is swayed by others -- there's a bigger problem, or a host of them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistress Jane

This sub has not been cut off from work or family...........rather those his Domme feels will turn him against her

Do you think this is a form of  brainwashing? or could be





LillyBoPeep -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 8:31:36 AM)

Based on this, I would kinda think she's doing it out of insecurity. He has this complicated track record (5 Ds in 2 years) and she's probably worried, like you said, that he'll get online and find someone new. He was talking to you while talking to someone else, so maybe she thinks this is how to prevent that.
He's a grown man, and should be able to control his wanderlust -- but also, were these relationships intended to be exclusive? Two of those you said were play partners. Was the "treated him like shit" Domme a long-term prospect? You had him for 1 year but he left because he couldn't love you -- did he want a love relationships and you didn't?  Or did you both want one, but just found you weren't compatible? And during this time he was talking to others... Had you reached a point where you believed you were exclusive with him?

I think trying to monitor and police him probably won't have the affect she's hoping for. Eventually she'll get tired of it. I think if he's seriously looking for a relationship, he should be able to direct his attentions towards helping that relationship grow, instead of constantly looking at the greener grass next door.



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: My First time here (11/20/2011 8:45:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready
Not enough circumstantial or other information to offer an intelligent response.

Ditto...



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