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RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 9:14:25 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domspaintoy

No i wasnt, but it was because i knew He wasnt happy that i wasnt (if that makes sense). i knew He felt guilty and felt He had let me down because He told me thats how He felt and neither of us knew what to do to resolve it, i disagreed and dont ever think He let me down, but i think if something becomes a fixed thought its easy to feel real.

dpt.


Even though your unhappiness wasn't an internal thing and was more from knowing he wasn't into it anymore, it wouldn't have taken long before that turned you from him. You couldn't have stayed with something that made you feel at fault, and like you were doing something wrong by just being you. It would've eaten away at you.

Sounds like it's good that the two of you are moving on. Breakups always suck but they're a fact of life and amazingly enough, no one ever dies from them even though you feel you will. I'm not being flippant, it really is bad, but we all recover from it. At times it's helpful to remember that you'll come out on the other side of it, hang in there.

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 11:30:46 AM   
slaverachel2Him


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline 		This master seems too unstable. He can't handle a crisis with your daughter, and he lets you go at the drop of a hat. THREE TIMES! Personally, i think you should cut your losses and find a decent master. He can go find someone else to manage his affairs since he obviously can't without running. i know it is hard to let go on invested time, but it clearly means NOTHING to him. He is impulsive and careless. i can not respect a master like that myself. A master i can't respect, i won't have. They have to be at least as stable and intelligent as i am and i'm sue it is the same for you. You don't need a baby boy.

You are young and healthy- get out of there, don't fall into "sub frenzy" and let yourself evolve into a REAL relationship. This guy's a pud.



_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 11:50:21 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's difficult to be alone when you've had a stressful and tumultuous relationship. It takes time to get used to your own company--and honestly I do know some folks that never do. Give yourself some time to breathe and sort yourself out. Don't rush into something new, and the former one? Block his phone number!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to slaverachel2Him)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 6:29:37 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		OP - Ya, take a break from serious relationships but feel free to have fun!

I'm 44 and just moved in with a guy that I met on OKCupid :)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:29:47 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

The douchebag has done this twice before and you took him back?
That is what I was wondering as well.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:31:42 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domspaintoy
and its agony!!!

... What surprised me most was the pit of dispair i found myself in, really have been at a loss as to know what to do with myself.

Guess im wondering if any other subs/slaves have had this happen to them (midlife crisis) and how they dealt with their ex Master totally withdrawing from them.


Midlife crisis? No.
Despair after a breakup? Oh, yes.

How did i handle it? i wrote in my collarme journal, and posted excessively on the forums. Many people were helpful and supportive, and talking about it helped me to get over things and move on. Took me a year, not a few weeks, and THAT was to recover from a much less serious and long term relationship than yours. Give yourself a break. Best of luck to you.

pam

P.S.- And try to lighten up. 44 is not the end of your life. You have plenty of things left to come.

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 11/21/2011 7:40:33 PM >

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(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:43:20 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

It's difficult to be alone when you've had a stressful and tumultuous relationship. It takes time to get used to your own company--and honestly I do know some folks that never do. Give yourself some time to breathe and sort yourself out. Don't rush into something new, and the former one? Block his phone number!


Very good point. Especially when the stressful and tumultuous relationship seems like "Oh so much passion...!!"
but in reality, the words stress and tumultuous mean exactly that, stress and drama, the toxic kind.

It is very difficult to go through this, not because I don't enjoy my own company, because I do, but rather because I find it incredible that such a supposedly smart cookie would have allowed all this to go on for so long.

So for me, the issue with a break up is going through the process of forgiving myself; how I could have cared so much for a bad guy. It is about me and being dedicated to never allowing the wrong people into my life.




(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:45:36 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I know that feeling, Sexyred. I will never forgive him, but I did finally forgive myself. Permanent scars.

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[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/22/2011 6:33:32 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		thank you to all who replied, does/has helped somewhat. not sure who said it but about Him been unstable? i think thats the correct way to describe Him at this time, mentally & emtionally unstable BUT i have to stress its hasnt always been like that i wouldnt have gone back to Him before if it had been. Until recently it had been very very good yes we had the 2 splits but W/we worked through them and moved on. Im not going to defend Him or His actions as i dont think they are defendable and He will know how much He has hurt me, my job is as you have all said is to get on with my life.

thanks again

dpt xx


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/27/2011 6:56:34 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

No i wasnt, but it was because i knew He wasnt happy that i wasnt (if that makes sense).


Sure it makes sense, it's called co-dependency.  A codependent + an unstable partner = disaster.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/27/2011 11:29:19 AM   
housemouse22


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		It takes about half the time the relationship lasted to get over a person. So a six year relationship would take me 3 years. I have gone back to ex-partners, but it has always been a mistake. Always. There was a reason that you left/he left/it just didn't work out. Put him in your past. If you have a hard time refusing ask a friend to keep your accountable. I had to do this before. There are plenty of male dom fishes in the sea!

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 12/1/2011 3:58:00 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		I am sorry he did this to you no matter what
a broken heart is a broken heart, you trusted him
and he just left please keep care of you!

Mons

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 12/1/2011 5:06:53 AM   
Fetters4U


Posts: 393
Joined: 5/25/2011
Status: offline 		As one door closes, another door opens. The best part of your life is yet to come. Good luck.

_____________________________

Male-Dom-Straight

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up. -- Mae West
I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far. -- Mae West

To err is human; to edit, divine...

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 12/1/2011 5:13:37 AM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		Relationships are generally not designed to last which is why most don't. Those that do defy the odds.

Much of the pain and hurt and shock from a break up come from the expectations which were being fulfilled and therefore being realistic suddenly aren;t being fulfilled. Unless you see it coming a mile off it does tend to throw you and turn your whole life upside down.

You're lost because all of a sudden you have this new reality which is new.

There's been a lot said about the problems and what went wrong - okay.

So what went right? Can you remember what brought you two together? Any happy memories come from the relationship?

He did what he did, you did what you did, and you know, the bottom line is none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes, we can't always be strong or capable, and we all go off the rails.

But surely none of this wipes out the fact that there was a relationship in the first place?

I'm not trying to make light of the pain, hurt and disappointment, but you know there are choices. You can blame him and blame yourself and find fault and end up feeling bitter and angry, and all this is going to do is slow down the healing process and compound the pain even more.

Or you can just look for the positives, let go and move on. The negatives are nothing more than opportunities to learn something for the next time you find yourself in that situation.

Please also remember your friends and please also remember to be nice to yourself.

Take care of yourself and be well.

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 12/1/2011 5:25:39 AM   
KatherineJ


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/27/2011
Status: offline 		Sorry you are having a rough time. And do not worry about being "older side of the fence" (quote from JanahX), I do not think you are old, I am 42 and I have more men ages 19 to 40 interested in me than I can count....personally, try giving a younger guy a try next time around (when you are healed and feeling better, ready for the next one). There are some great advantages to younger men!

Quotes/mantras that help me get through my tough times (I have been single for most of the last 5 years) are "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"...and I can tell you I am one tough fucking bitch (LOL), "this too shall pass", and "everything happens for a reason, we just don't always know what the reason is for a while.

I am sure this all hurts like hell and you have many things going through your head. Take some time to reflect on your whole relationship, the ups and downs, grieve, cry, do sometime good for yourself...go get a mani and pedi and enjoy a little "pamper me" time. Then spend a little time working on you, I spent a year listening to over 100 self improvement and spiritual audio-books while taking walks every morning while I was going through my divorce and my life was in ruins.

You will get through this. Good luck to you!
KJ

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 12/1/2011 10:55:35 AM   
stacey4u2luv


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear about this but keep in mind of the old saying that there is plenty of fish in the sea. Go out enjoy yourself and get your mind off of the situation. No point dwelling on it. Let whatever will be be.

if it were me i would not close all doors to all possible Doms however as this is something i enjoy dearly. i would not actively seek another but if i came across one that was very suitable i would not let him get away either as why miss out on a great opportunity. But, that would depend on how easy it is to put the past behind you. Sometimes one just needs to do that and move on.

i know some believe that people need time to heal and thus cannot enter into another relationship as they may be some sort of damaged goods or not of the right mindset etc... but to me it would depend on the past relationship and the mindset of the person. i myself see no point in moping around and doing nothing. i recall many many years ago after a divorce i had someone thought i could not be in a relationship with him because i told him i recently divorced. in my mind i was like huh and decided oh well and still moved on and had great times. i refused to dwell on it and instead focused on new relationships with a smile on my face. too me that is it is only an issue if i had of chosen to let it be one.

i feel if i had of waited i would have just sat and moped around. instead the weighing thought back then on my mind is what is the length of time that guy thought i needed to be acceptable anyhow. lol with what i did i forgot sooner, where it may have been an issue for much longer if i sat around. To me is that not the point of getting out anyhow, not to feel i hated a guy which i still hate till now. After all years later he is still an ex. that feeling will never change. gonna tell me now 15 years later that i say i hate him i cannot be doing this or that. as long as you can remember your morals of what you like and do not like, will accept and will not accept and can easily move on, only you know if you can or cannot. i believe in never let anyone dictate how to live your life and do what is best for you. Only you know how you will mend the fastest and know if you can do this.

You know if you are the kind that can hold your head high, mop it all under the rug and move on.

i believe if a guy did not treat me right it would be so easy for me to say OK enough is enough and good riddance and i would be on the next boat sailing away to my next destination. But, that is me as i said do what is best for you. if you need time by all means do it. i merely said all this to hopefully help you get stronger. best wishes.

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 1/4/2012 9:42:39 PM   
Zechriel


Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Good evening!

Boy I feel your pain! My last Dom released me after 4 years b/c I cme down with Ulcerative Colitis and couldn't handle the thought of it turning worse. It was mostly domestic so I felt realt lost..imagine seeing someone twice a week then nothing.

Tore me down and I didnt' want anyone else..ws prepared to wait until my Sir came along and although I haev not heard from him since the holidays...he has not let me down yet or crossed any lines. I think you might have already made your decision but don't want to say it out loud. Take time and find the peace within yourself. Good luck!

Love,
Zechriel

_____________________________

Sir HighlanderME's little z

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 1/9/2012 11:42:05 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

and its agony!!!


paintoy,

do yourself a favor and move on.

CP

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 1/9/2012 6:16:04 PM   
slaverachel2Him


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline 		Someone brought up the drama and getting used to being alone. THAT is an incredibly important point. When there is a LOT of emotional energy expended whether caring for a terminally ill person or a house of drama, there is a kind of "withdrawal" that happens. We become accustomed to having thinking processes directed by that, we get reflexive in that arena and it fills time and emotion. When it is gone whether or not it is a good or bad thing- it leaves a hole unless there is something to fill it. That is apart of the grieving process and a part of life. It is partly why when taking care of someone and they die- it takes time to get over. Not just the loss of the person, but the loss of your OWN direction, filled time and what you have been focusing on for such a long time. You will find something worthy to fill it with.

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 39
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