Establishing boundaries

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Establishing boundaries - 11/22/2011 6:17:54 PM

intriguedLynn

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Joined: 11/17/2011
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Newbie, with a primary partner who has no experienced as a sub. It was his request to explore D/s. My concern is how to establish boundaries between the D/s and vanilla aspects of the relationship. I am leading us slowly. Any suggestions for establishing boundaries or "testing" the waters to discover where they lay?

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RE: Establishing boundaries - 11/22/2011 7:01:05 PM

Lockit

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Can you give a little more detail?

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RE: Establishing boundaries - 11/22/2011 7:11:38 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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You are the dominant. There are no hard and fast rules to this, the boundaries are where you want them to be. Realize, as you settle into your dominance and feel more comfortable, these boundaries may change.

I would make a very great point of letting your sub know *you* set the boundaries, as and how you want to. And that his good behavior and obedience *might* allow you to consider some lenience.

You can see where I am going here. *You* set the rules, the tone, the boundaries, the whatever. You are the dom. If he does not like that, perhaps he should reconsider his role as your submissive (we're all betting he won't).

Hope this helps,
Chatte

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RE: Establishing boundaries - 11/22/2011 7:39:38 PM

DarkSteven

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I'd suggest having two sets of rules: in the bedroom, and outside of it. You may want to establish another set when you're not in public but in the nonbedroom house as well.

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RE: Establishing boundaries - 11/23/2011 8:17:29 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Things a dominant shouldn't interfere with include the sub's job. Because if you do, they might get fired. If you are getting involved with it, make sure it's positive changes only. Make him/her get to work on time, not waste work time by surfing the computer, and not to surf porn sites ever because IT will be watching.

Other things you shouldn't interfere with: friends and family. If he/she has minor children, you don't get to boss them around or demand the sub totally changes their lives. Even if you're a vegetarian, you don't have the right to say the kids can't go to a birthday party held at McDonald's or demand the kids become vegetarians. Don't isolate the sub from their friends and family. If everyone disapproves of you, then you're doing something wrong. If the changes you make in the sub's life are positive, and you're loving and respectful, then the friends and family should be glad the sub met you.

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