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Focus50 -> RE: Posture training.. (11/26/2011 2:20:13 PM)
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ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
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ORIGINAL: Focus50
Yes, it not only signifies the respective PE, it's also another way of conducting personal/private PE in public without anyone else being the wiser for it.
Good point! It's a very simple but very effective protocol, and nobody would even notice because it seems like pretty "normal" behavior.
Actually quite normal for women, when you consider how often and easily they squat down to tend to a small child, for example.... But at some club when she's wearing a shortish skirt, I still want it done like a lady - keeping the knees hard together etc.
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Not so sure about other cultures but going out to a club here with friends usually entails grabbing a table, which usually have 6-8 chairs, as your "base camp". But such is the social nature of such venues, people are coming and going all the time - to the bar or toilets, dance floor, mingling with others or others mingling here etc. So you don't always get to keep "your" vacated chair....
This is the most common (public) circumstance of my girl needing to initially squat down next to me. More often than not if I then couldn't get her a chair, I'd simply make a bit of leg room and pull her onto my lap. Yeah, she's then taller but A), the initial protocol has been fulfilled and B), anyone sitting on *my* lap is NOT in a position of power over me. As opposed to say, a Domme using her male sub as furniture in the same circumstances. I definitely would not approve of my girl then conducting a conversation with a 3rd person while sitting on my lap - as that Domme might naturally do.
So if she's going to talk to someone else, does she ask you first, or move off your lap to another chair? I agree that sitting on a lap doesn't create a position of power. It's about posture and "energy" for lack of a better word. a Domme/msub can do the same thing, and it can become a position of power because of how they relate to each other.
If it's just to ask or answer something simple, that's fine. But I'm not gonna be sitting there holding her up like some dummy while she chats with someone else - *that's* being furniture. Whereas, that's exactly why I can see it working for a Domme sitting on her sub's lap. And it's also come from past experience - that I really did feel like a dummy when it happened, so another rule was created.
When we were out, I was fine with her socialising with others, even if I'm left on my own. But if she really wants to chat with someone else, she'll need to find another seat. And not another bloke's lap. *My* girl gets to sit on my lap; no-one else. And vise-versa....
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Your own comments are interesting in themself.... I'm not just "maintaining a chunk of responsibility for the protocol instead of leaving it up to the girl", I'm running the show. As I said earlier, the girl gets her cues from me. And for that, I've mostly drawn on my own life experiences, including the countless times a vanilla partner has accused me of being some sorta control freak (gasp)! And yeah, I probably was - just didn't know at the time that mostly, I had the wrong type of partner.
That's a great distinction. I've just mostly had experience with people who left the protocol mostly up to the s-person, instead of remaining more actively in control of it.
Yeah, that kind of thing yousta come up regularly on these boards. That rather than the "Dominant" actively leading and taking control in the relationship, it's been more a case of them passively sitting back and accepting the fruits of the other's service and submission.
And yeah, I've been quite critical about it; that I see it as a selfish or lazy vanilla to sub relationship rather than D/s. I mean, if it's agreed that the D/s is "bedroom only", then you put some blame for the sub expecting more protcol in the greater relationship. It actually sounds like the mirror of me being a "control freak" in my early vanilla relationships. lol Both yousta like a bit of rough handling in the bedroom - but outside.... (dammit)
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Errrm, (disclaimer alert) technically, I also get cues from her if she's doing something I don't approve of, or it happens to be cool, inspired or hot etc. But overall, I'm responsible for how our relationship dynamics are conducted. I lead, she follows. So if she's being unusually bratty, for example, one of the first things I consider is whether I've been letting things slip, lately. A reality check....
And gawd, I really *don't* miss clubbing in my old age.... lol
Tthat's interesting, too -- again, most of my experience is with people who put all the responsibility on the s-person. If she's acting out, the first response is "how do I punish her for it," rather than "what's going on to cause this?"
Anyway, this has been an interesting read. ^_^
Relationships with elements of control can be very fulfilling for people involved and they aren't about one person being "too stupid to think for themselves" like a lot of people insinuate whenever it comes up. And it's also not always about a D catering to complicated whims of an s -- in your case, it's very clear that this is how you want things run and you maintain it, it's not coming from your s-person.
Thanks for sharing. ^_^
In my last relationship, we didn't have a ton of protocol, just mostly a few control-related rules, and they were a great, fulfilling aspect of the relationship.
In hindsight, I probably could've expressed myself a bit better. Yeah, I'm the Dominant; I make and enforce the rules and acceptable standards of behaviour etc. But a D/s dynamic is about feeding of each other's unique D or s energy. Her taking cues from me is about me, the D, being proactive - she follows. Me taking cues from her is about me, the D, being reactive - I make her follow. But, like right now, it reeeeeally sucks when there is no s energy in the house to feed off - pro or re active.... So I do cringe and roll the eyes when some dom/mes waffle on about lowly and worthless subs. <groan>
Great conversing with you, too, esp since we have had our past differences. :)
Focus.
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