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masochism - 11/23/2011 3:16:18 AM   
housemouse22


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		I used to be more of a masochist, but that seems to be going away. Instead of being pleasurable now it just hurts (same partner, same activities, same intensity). Has anyone else went though this change? I am afraid my partner will grow impatient with this unwelcome change. Any ideas on how to toughen up? Alcohol is a generally unsafe idea for play, no?
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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 3:27:37 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Is there anything going on that's new or stressful in your life? Stress, hormones, changing feelings, etc can all affect your tolerance or taste for pain stuff... Some people do find that, for some reason, they're just not interested in it anymore.
What kinds of things are you doing? Is all of it bothering you, or a particular intensity/particular implement or something like that?
Do you want to go back to enjoying pain, or do you want your partner to understand that you don't anymore?
Have you talked to your partner about this issue?


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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 3:38:53 AM   
housemouse22


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		I want to go back to being able to enjoy pain. We talked about it, and it was him who initiated the conversation and it was like this: "You used to be so tough, what happened?" I don't know what happened. I am taking a hormone balancing supplement, primrose oil, that I didn't take before. Maybe that could be it. My libido is still high, but my masochism-libido seems to be a separate entity. I want it to go up again!

< Message edited by housemouse22 -- 11/23/2011 3:42:21 AM >

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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 3:56:48 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		"You used to be so tough, what happened?" -- so is there a particular intensity that he wants to play at that you can't handle? Maybe he can "play down" to your level and help you build your tolerance back up? I suppose that depends on the particulars of your dynamic, but it might be helpful. Or you could stop taking the EPO for a few weeks and see if that makes a difference.
It's possible that the primrose oil could have something to do with it; many women here on the forum have reported that their tolerances changed throughout their menstrual cycle, for instance. Hormones can have a real effect.



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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 5:48:49 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: housemouse22

I used to be more of a masochist, but that seems to be going away. Instead of being pleasurable now it just hurts (same partner, same activities, same intensity). Has anyone else went though this change? I am afraid my partner will grow impatient with this unwelcome change. Any ideas on how to toughen up? Alcohol is a generally unsafe idea for play, no?


This happened with me when i was with my ex and i used to get incredibly frustrated that i couldnt and didnt find it as pleasuable as i once had, with hindsight in my case it was stress, i just didnt see it at the time and would mentally beat myself up for being crap. Was always assured it wasnt my fault but it didnt ease it any.

Could be hormonal as i could never tolerate a beating when i was due.
dpt

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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 6:15:27 AM   
angelikaJ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: housemouse22

I want to go back to being able to enjoy pain. We talked about it, and it was him who initiated the conversation and it was like this: "You used to be so tough, what happened?" I don't know what happened. I am taking a hormone balancing supplement, primrose oil, that I didn't take before. Maybe that could be it. My libido is still high, but my masochism-libido seems to be a separate entity. I want it to go up again!


You might be able to still without changing anything... (well almost anything).
Perhaps a slower build-up to the harder stuff will enable you to process more intensity...?

And if you are stressed, work on those issues; massage might help with both of them.

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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 6:20:29 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
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I defo agree with the others, in regards to stress, etc. The hormone meds will be playing a part for sure.
I'm a big believer in the mind controlling the body as well, and am wondering if you're feeling upset/insecure or the like towards your partner? Not to try and pry into your psyche, but your feelings towards he/she could be playing quite a significant role in your ability to withstand pain. I'll explain more if you're interested.

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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 7:31:58 AM   
DarkSteven


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Status: offline 		How about if he spent some time getting you turned on first? Like foreplay for pain.

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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 9:10:51 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yup. I used to be a masochist many many  years ago. Now that I'm older, I can barely take a lot of pain at all. Master is a sadist though so he's found other ways to torment me that don't have to do so much with physical pain but he still enjoys his sadism immensely and those times when he wants to physically torment me I just buck it up and learn to take it because I like knowing he's enjoying himself. I remind myself to breathe and I just try to zone out so it doesn't hurt as much. Master has also found that when I'm bound and left alone for a little bit I seem to be able to take more pain because I'm able to relax and zone out.

Then there's also going slow a little at a time to build up a tolerance to the pain. Over time supposedly you'll be able to withstand more pain because the skin will have toughened up more.

Good luck.


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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 10:10:01 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I've recently gone through a lot of stress, including a bereavement, and my pain tolerance went through the floor. I didn't want pain play, and as Master is a sadist I found I couldn't take much at all.

So we just reined it in for a while. We still did a bit, but he stopped as soon as I started to have trouble.

Now my tolerance is increasing and I'm starting to enjoy it again

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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 3:41:29 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

Any ideas on how to toughen up?


Pain pills. 




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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 7:23:22 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		Pretty much anything can influence your current pain tolerance. It'll never stay at one level, but fluctuate. I feel your pain however (ha, pun), I recently developed dermographism and it has really effected the way everything feels.

Personally I'd push through it, this may just my inner little pain slut, but I find a lot of times if I keep mentally telling myself "Okay, one more hit, then I'll reach my limit!" usually by the time the endorphins kick in, I can/want to take a few more. It cycles until I'm a puddle more often than not, and in the end I feel better because I pushed myself as far as I could go.

Safety note: I do call red when I feel I need to. Usually need just doesn't come around unless something is seriously wrong.

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RE: masochism - 11/23/2011 8:24:08 PM   
JanahX


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Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		You might have developed fibromyalgia.

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RE: masochism - 11/26/2011 5:45:22 AM   
housemouse22


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you folks for yours suggestions. Yes, I think it might be a foreplay issue, having a slower buildup. Of course as a submissive, I want to want what he wants, but in the end I want him to want what I want. So, I have been avoiding making any pointers and suggestions, but I'll try to think of a sweet way to do it.

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RE: masochism - 11/26/2011 5:46:46 AM   
housemouse22


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		I hope not! Oh no!

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RE: masochism - 11/26/2011 7:22:56 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Look for differences depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. Also note if you are under more stress, not eating or sleeping properly, etc.

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RE: masochism - 11/26/2011 8:14:41 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It isn't going to help if he puts you down because of your decreased pain tolerance. Now that he's made comments about it, your stress is even higher. Reassurance would be a lot better than him pushing you to be tougher.

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RE: masochism - 11/26/2011 6:28:04 PM   
strongbottom88


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/10/2011
Status: offline 		For me sometimes masochism involves enjoying pain and sometimes it simply involves the thrill of the control a sadist has over me to inflict on me things I genuinely do not enjoy. In terms of building up or regaining pain tolerance, there was another recent thread asking about this, I think just trying to be physically strong and in good shape can help a lot with some types of pain. Focus and breathing and having pain built up gradually for awhile are all good suggestions. Perhaps you are just becoming intolerant of certain types of pain, and can suggest that it might be exciting to experience some new sensations.

To the extent you are not recieving a thrill from trying to endure something a dominant/sadist wants to put you through, that could be a sign of burnout of the same things as well. Again, suggesting that it might be exciting to try some new sensations, or perhaps taking a short break and trying to build back into it would make sense.

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RE: masochism - 11/26/2011 6:36:52 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Here's for menopause (or peri-menopause), your body will change in major ways.

Take a break from play and anything other than nice slow sensual sex.

I went through so many changes going through menopause. If you don't have outside stress (and only you know if you have) then you have to look at internal stress, (and hormones in a female of a certain age come to mind).

I do so hope this helps.

Chatte


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RE: masochism - 11/26/2011 7:26:52 PM   
Soyokaze


Posts: 390
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline 		Feeling like my future is unstable (stress) definitely affects my pain tolerance greatly.

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