RE: vanilla diferances to D/s

RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (Full Version)

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GaryXXX -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 3:57:38 PM)
I'm not good enough at writing to put down what vanilla sex is , and where it stops being vanilla and becomes kinky . I put this post up to help me understand myself , and to better understand D/s . Coming to the conclusion that the labels put on things is what confuses things , kinky sex normal sex Dom sub , none of it really matters its just about being compatable in the important aspects of a relationship .

GaryXXX -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 3:59:55 PM)
Fuck sake , there's another label , kink-tard , what is one of those lol

searching4mysir -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:06:21 PM)
Master and I are M/s but we are not really into pain. For us it is far more about the control. Yeah, I like it rough, but even that is rather subjective. Neither one of us is into leaving marks on me, particularly not in places that might show in street clothing.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:07:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero Is that it? Cos I don't know I like to think it is, but that's my opinion. Other's may differ, of course... [8\|]

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:13:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GaryXXX It can't just be kinky sex in a relationship , can it ! . I think any relationship that's based on just the sex side of things is going to be doomed, as the 'honeymoon period' apparently only lasts about six months. I do know of a lot of relationships that have been destroyed because one of them refused to accept their partners 'tastes' or refused to tell their partner what they secretly desired. I fully believe that a relationship will not survive if someone has deep desires or needs that will never be expressed or tried, so there will always be a secret longing for that person, and I think that can have a ripple effect. All my own opinions, of course. [:)]

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:13:29 PM)
quote: Apart from kinky sex is there any difference ? Yes there is. There is one major difference that colours and permeates every aspect of the relationship. She says, I do. 24/7/365, she says, I do. quote: It can't just be kinky sex in a relationship , can it ! . Yes it can, when I have sex with either Suze or Hanners, it can be very slow, soft, gentle and loving, IF that's what they want. If I'm in the mood to just be taken roughly and they aren't, then it doesn't happen. That is what makes even the most vanilla sex kinky, because my wants are incidental to the act, they decide what they want and they get it, even if I initiate it, its on their terms. I don't even have to want sex, if they want it, they get it.

tweakabelle -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:22:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GaryXXX Apart from kinky sex is there any difference ? Any opinions on this appreciated , if you don't get the question let me know I'll try making more sense What an intriguing question! And such wonderful replies thus far too. Doesn't it beg the question: Isn't love more important than sex in a relationship? Some people find ways of maintaining good relationships without fulfilling sex. And relationships based on purely sex tend not to have legs in my exp. It all leaves me wondering whether the differences, if there are any, are more down to individuals than D/s and/or sexual practices. Part of the appeal of BDSM for me is that everything is negotiable, that there aren't any norms. So a little bit of stereotyping does seem implied before the OP, in its current form, can be answered. (Please consider this remark as an observation rather than a criticism)

GaryXXX -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:22:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39 quote: ORIGINAL: GaryXXX It can't just be kinky sex in a relationship , can it ! . I think any relationship that's based on just the sex side of things is going to be doomed, as the 'honeymoon period' apparently only lasts about six months. I do know of a lot of relationships that have been destroyed because one of them refused to accept their partners 'tastes' or refused to tell their partner what they secretly desired. I fully believe that a relationship will not survive if someone has deep desires or needs that will never be expressed or tried, so there will always be a secret longing for that person, and I think that can have a ripple effect. All my own opinions, of course. [:)] Been there , now I'm here

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:25:39 PM)
Which is a great place to start. It's where I first started, after all. I did take a break off here for a while, but was soon drawn back to it... [8D]

LafayetteLady -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:29:36 PM)
The thing is that the definition of D/s or M/s is as different and as varied as the people involved. Some will say if the power dynamic doesn't extend outside of the bedroom, then it isn't D/s. Who the hell are they to say how someone else defines their relationship? Others will say it is not M/s if the s-type has any limits. Again, if they aren't in that relationship, it really is none of their business. What a D/s relationship is to YOU, is just that, what it is to you. LBP is what it is to her, DS's to him, bhg39 to her, etc. None are wholly wrong, and none are wholly right. They are merely defining how it works for them. There tends to be this idea that a power dynamic relationship is more "special" than a vanilla one. That it involves more trust, deeper commitment, blah blah blah. For some it may be that much different from vanilla relationships they have experienced or witnesses. For others, it isn't. So if you want D/s with a little (or a lot) of "normal" thrown in, then find yourself a partner who feels the same. There are certainly some out there that feel the same way. Likewise if you want complete power exchange of "yes sir, no sir" and micro managing your partners life, there are plenty of those as well. There is also everything in between. So figure out what works for you and then search for someone who shares those ideas, and don't let anyone define what your D/s relationship has to be for you.

GaryXXX -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:41:18 PM)
I think you summed it up well Thanks to everyone that's posted so far

LillyBoPeep -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 4:45:04 PM)
Great post, LafayetteLady :)

MissImmortalPain -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 5:49:15 PM)
I always find it kind of funny when people play "spot the differance" when talking about "lifestyles" like this. To be honest(IN MY OPINION) when you are talking about real realationships there is no differance at all. If the realationship is strong the people communicate. They pick their roles in the realationship and they stand by them. The whole stuff about things in the "vanilla" world being equal and even and everyone playing nice has always missed me. Every realationship I have been a part of, or seen for that matter, has had it's more agreesive and less agressive person. It's father figure , or mother head, the family leader and those that follow. The only differance between this and that as I see it is some of us do some pretty twisted stuff that others don't think about...or don't want to think about. Saying that we are all that different makes me think of the kids I know that when you ask them what bands they listen to say something like "you wouldn't know, you aren't that cool. They are underground. They are unknown. You wouldn't understand" pfft at all that we are all doing the same thing as far as realationships go....trying to find someone(or a couple of someones) that don't make us so crazy that we want to kill them in their sleep.

tazzygirl -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 5:55:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GaryXXX I have to have "normal sex" in a relationship , (aswell as the kinky stuff ) how normal is that . Normal normal what the hell is normal I hate normal the word ... Great answers so far Gary Gary Gary Sex is sex. Doesnt matter if you label it kinky or vanilla. All that matters is that it fulfills your and your partners needs. There are times when I want to be tossed onto a bed and manhandled into erotic bliss. There are times I want it nasty, with all the trash talk, ass slapping and hair pulling. Then there are times when I need it slow and sweet, tender and magical. All of these are, for me and the man, sex... just different ways. Nothing kink or vanilla about any of them in our eyes.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:03:38 PM)
Yeah, in a relationship, that's how it works for me, tazzy. It's more about the connectionn with the other personn than the specific activity. If he wants to have X kind of sex or Y kind of sex, I'm on board if it's what's wanted at the time. The connection is most important and can be expressed all kinds of ways.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:05:46 PM)
I couldn't agree more. As long as you're both happy and satisfied in the relationship, it really doesn't matter what you do, as long as you're both consenting and enjoying it. [:)]

LillyBoPeep -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:15:57 PM)
It can.just be easier to say "vanilla (insert something here)" to differentiate when talking about a subject. But for me, it's all "life;" it all kinda works together for me.

tweakabelle -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:16:09 PM)
Would it be more helpful if we thought about these matters as manifestations of our (very human) diversities rather than differences that label and divide us? This seems to be a stronger basis for asserting the importance of individual dynamics in relationships, which is, I'm soooooo happy to note, a point where a consensus is rapidly emerging.

tazzygirl -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:27:21 PM)
lol tweak yet again makes me feel stupid. no matter, she is quite intelligent. the problem with labeling sex kinky or vanilla is that, what is kinky to me, may be boring to any number of ladies here. its all too subjective for any group to define.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:31:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl lol tweak yet again makes me feel stupid. no matter, she is quite intelligent. the problem with labeling sex kinky or vanilla is that, what is kinky to me, may be boring to any number of ladies here. its all too subjective for any group to define. Hey, if an intelligent girl like you gets made to feel stupid, I think I might need to ask for the hat with the D on it and be pointed to a corner. There's some highly intelligent peeps on here, which is why it's such a great place to chat and why I'm loving it so much. [:D]

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