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ADomDoc -> How to be a Smart-Assed Masochist (5/27/2006 11:24:33 PM)
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Some people really want to be Smart-Assed Masochists, but they can't quite get the hang of it. Here are a few things they can do to become a genuine certified SAM:
- Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play.
- In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.
- During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.
- If your Dom/me tells you, "Look me in the eyes, " do it cross-eyed.
- If your Dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say "Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!"
- Place a whoopee cushion on your Dom/me's favorite chair.
- Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword.
- When your top hints at foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters.
- Learn the following phrases and use them as often as possible:
- Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself!
- What do I look like, your maid?
- This isn't a restaurant.
- In your dreams!
- Who died and left you boss?
- I don't think so!
- Homey don't play that game.
- Yeah, right!
- Send your Dom/me an invoice for your services.
- After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out.
When your Dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell "Gotcha!"
- Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling. (Clap on, clap off...)
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