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RE: Looking for a second - 12/1/2011 10:28:50 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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Well, I think dating would involve the Master, too. How else is the third supposed to get to know him? Just from talking to his current slave? They may have different tastes in men, different life philosophies, what if they can't even be friends?
And not to throw the OP under the bus, but sometimes the current will say anything in order to snag the third, because she's so serious about "not disappointing Master."
There really isn't any explanation here about whether or not the Master is going to chat with the third, email, phone call, whatever. It just sounds like she's supposed to get to know the current girl, and then take a long trip to "serve" someone she's never met.

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 21

RE: Looking for a second - 12/1/2011 11:07:18 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

What he's really doing (by default) is likely setting up his sole new slave to fail.

I agree. She seems very new, quite young and newly collared. It takes more than what she thinks it does....and it's most likely not going to end well.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 22

RE: Looking for a second - 12/1/2011 11:24:21 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Im snagging tid bits from posts as I read... so... if you see your post quoted, feel free!

quote:

Who is your master and why don't you disclose that in your post so that someone seeing it who might be interested can go look at his profile and see what he says about himself (not just what you might say).

The man isnt mentioned in mine, nor am I in his, as far as I know. But we arent seeking a third either... lol... as far as I know.

quote:

If he can't/won't search for the third himself, then it speaks volumes about his ability to make decisions, form relationships and lead. None of it good.

When I went poly, I had known jen for years. We meshed in many, many ways. When they decided they wanted a third, he told her to go pick one out, figuring she wouldnt. I wasnt her first choice, nor her second. I had always been adamant about being monogamous and she knew that.

jen got pregnant while searching. And everything just fell into line. I went to visit while she was in the last few weeks. And he and i clicked well. But all three of us agreed that if the friendship between jen and myself hadnt been so strong, then it wouldnt have worked. There was no jealousy... none... absolutely none. I would have walked away from him long before I would have allowed my friendship to suffer with her. And thats what he adored about me, my stubbornness to ensure jen always felt safe, secure and loved. I knew I was second, would always be second, had no desire to be first. And jen always made me feel like I was her sweetheart. She and I spent far more time together than He and I did.

It had to end when his mother lost her home and she moved in with them. There was no way she would have understood our relationship.

So, while I can see others making the comments about the man not doing the search, from my own experience, it woudlnt have worked out well for my relationship.

lilmiss, maybe he doesnt want you to really find another except as a play toy. maybe he really wants a second slave. men can be funny creatures. They dont always enjoy getting everything they say they want.

Take it slow... it will happen if its meant to be.

_____________________________

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to lilmissdefiant)

Post #: 23

RE: Looking for a second - 12/1/2011 2:21:55 PM

domincalifornia

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

if it's that solid a relationship, why does your profile say you're still searching?

She may have simply not updated her profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
And what is the name of this Master?

Her master may not want his name used on a public forum.

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherselfThe third (or "unicorn") that you are searching for is going to serve him, so surely they should deal with him rather than you? I understand that you want to be friends, which is great. But there has to be an attraction between the third and the Master or it's not going to happen.

If he can't/won't search for the third himself, then it speaks volumes about his ability to make decisions, form relationships and lead. None of it good.

Personally, I don't see that it matters. Whether this other girl meets the dom first or the sub first, she has to meet them both eventually. And in a situation like this, a lot of women prefer to meet the other woman first, partly to make sure there is another woman.

< Message edited by domincalifornia -- 12/1/2011 2:23:01 PM >

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 24

RE: Looking for a second - 12/1/2011 2:57:13 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domincalifornia

Personally, I don't see that it matters. Whether this other girl meets the dom first or the sub first, she has to meet them both eventually. And in a situation like this, a lot of women prefer to meet the other woman first, partly to make sure there is another woman.

This has beaten to death ad naseum.

Bottom line: some us prefer to make the judgement about the person in power before becoming entangled with the other submissive. That doesn't mean that I want to meet either of them first, because I would have expected to meet both at the same time. What it means is that I would have preferred to talk to him before talking to her.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to domincalifornia)

Post #: 25

RE: Looking for a second - 12/1/2011 6:33:23 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I see your point as well. The whole concept of "interviewing" for a relationship to me is ridiculous, even if it is often just a matter of semantics.

In the long run it would seem as though perhaps this is something the two of them should do together, so that each is sure their "needs" about it are met.

So this poster does not believe in 'dating' before a more permanent relationship??

I'm not sure what you are saying, but to be clear, when I say they should do it together, in my eyes it would be a three party date.

If you are talking about me personally not "believing in dating," well, I don't do poly so none of this would really apply to me, and yes, I believe in dating. I believe there should be a decent amount of it before two people start taking off their clothes.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 26

RE: Looking for a second - 12/1/2011 6:39:21 PM

lilmissdefiant

Posts: 666
Joined: 4/17/2008
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after reading alot of replies I think I should clarify things.
I would like to get to know the second as a close friend first to see wether her and I get on at all, I didn't say (which I probably should have) that she would have contact with him before we even go down there, I wouldn't expect her to just say yes and come, for safety reasons of course.
But alot of people rose the question of why isn't he doing it himself and I've asked myself the same question, but still haven't found an answer.
This is just something that he wants and I want to help him get it.
I am his slave not his girlfriend (if that makes sense)
My Master and I would do our best to make sure that the second got what she felt like she needed, she wouldn't just be there for the sake of it.

_____________________________

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 27

RE: Looking for a second - 12/1/2011 6:43:12 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmissdefiant

after reading alot of replies I think I should clarify things.
I would like to get to know the second as a close friend first to see wether her and I get on at all, I didn't say (which I probably should have) that she would have contact with him before we even go down there, I wouldn't expect her to just say yes and come, for safety reasons of course.
But alot of people rose the question of why isn't he doing it himself and I've asked myself the same question, but still haven't found an answer.
This is just something that he wants and I want to help him get it.
I am his slave not his girlfriend (if that makes sense)
My Master and I would do our best to make sure that the second got what she felt like she needed, she wouldn't just be there for the sake of it.

Does he have a girlfriend? Is he looking for one? I believe you mentioned you are his only slave right now, so how would you feel about finding this girl becomes first and you are relegated to second or end up totally gone?

Why are you asking yourself that question instead of him? That's where your answer is. If you can't ask him the question, I suggest you work on the communication between the two of you instead of looking for someone else for him.

Like others, I really don't see this ending well for you.

(in reply to lilmissdefiant)

Post #: 28

RE: Looking for a second - 12/3/2011 3:09:55 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: domincalifornia

Personally, I don't see that it matters. Whether this other girl meets the dom first or the sub first, she has to meet them both eventually. And in a situation like this, a lot of women prefer to meet the other woman first, partly to make sure there is another woman.

This has beaten to death ad naseum.

Bottom line: some us prefer to make the judgement about the person in power before becoming entangled with the other submissive. That doesn't mean that I want to meet either of them first, because I would have expected to meet both at the same time. What it means is that I would have preferred to talk to him before talking to her.

Yes, OsideGirl and I have been on the same side of this issue before- people like us we want to get to know who is in power and what they are like before wasting our time. Another way to say it is that I'd need to feel attracted to the Dom and see how he runs things in order to even consider the woman- she is secondary. I could accept more leeway with her than I would with him- he would be my primary relationship and he's the one in charge who says what goes. My allegiance would be to him first.

I don't know, I've seen it often where the woman is supposed to go forth and find the third, I think it feels kind of cool to the guy that she'll do that, but so much of the time I don't think they know how hard it is to find that third, and they're setting her up for failure. I know when men have mentioned it to me, they seem to think that there are tons of women out there just waiting for that threesome or whatever they've conjured up, and it's just like a question of who I'll call to make it happen instantly. Sorry. Doesn't work that way.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 29

RE: Looking for a second - 12/3/2011 3:58:16 PM

Buzzzz

Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

What most other kinksters said. Have him find her himself. Sounds like the typical swinger couple . The woman goes out to get a girl for the man.

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(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 30

RE: Looking for a second - 12/3/2011 4:14:56 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

And in a situation like this, a lot of women prefer to meet the other woman first, partly to make sure there is another woman.

I don't care who I "meet" first, because I would go to meeting with both of them immediately. I wouldn't go on dates with just one of them until we had done a lot of dates as a trio.

As far as "meeting" online, I'd have to communicate with both of them right away as well, 2 or 3 emails before getting to interact with the other partner is OK, but not more. Even then I would be pushing for a 3-way meet ASAP, because its both of them I am considering a relationship with, so I see no reason not to interact with both of them to see if the spark is there for that relationship.

(in reply to domincalifornia)

Post #: 31

RE: Looking for a second - 12/4/2011 5:23:51 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I'm still stuck on why someone would think a job interview is in any way analogous to dating. Because it isn't. Dating - you both have the power to decide if it works for you or not. You both state what you need. In a job interview you are given the parameters with little or no room to change any of them, all you can decide is if you will accept or refuse. And if you need a job bad enough, you take it no matter what.

In dating, you don't need a relationship to settle for a bad one.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 32

RE: Looking for a second - 12/4/2011 10:00:30 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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Seinfeld once said that dating is like a job interview that lasts all night long. It used to be you could at least start with the small talk…where are you from, how long have you lived here, if a tree fell in a forest and nobody heard it…. But now, in this short-attention span, information age we live in, everyone seems to just cut to the chase and get right to it. My very first date felt like a brutal interrogation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtoFEIMBnUM

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 33

RE: Looking for a second - 12/4/2011 10:06:00 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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Why A Job Interview Is Like Going On A First Date

Most of us like dating and hate interviewing for a job, but in many ways a first date and an interview are essentially the same thing. You’re both selling yourself and trying to figure out - will this company and I be a good match? Will we have good times, share lots of laughs, grow together, learn from each other? Or will I end up broken-hearted, sniffling into tissues, watching Sex and the City and wondering where it all went wrong?

Good interviewing techniques, like dating advice, can increase your chances of avoiding the bad breakup.

So why is a job interview like a date? Check out these six tips for success in your professional and personal life.

1. Dress for Success

Sorry, it’s a cruel world. Few companies are going to be impressed if you show up to your first interview wearing a hoodie and flip flops, blowing bubbles with your gum. Yes, you’re beautiful on the inside, but organizations and interviewers want you to demonstrate that you can be put-together and appropriate at important occasions. Find more on professional style for interviews here.

2. Discretion - Your Best Friend

Your first date is not the time to talk about all the times you’ve messed up, gotten your heart broken or been unfairly dumped. In the same way, it is absolutely not the time to complain about past jobs. Save the emotional baggage for later...or preferably, never. Discretion is key. No matter how well you’re hitting it off with the interviewer, or how romantic the mood lighting is- remember! You are being judged. At all times. Being a mess isn’t adorable. Being incompetent isn’t charming. And bad-mouthing a past employer, for any reason, is never smart. Just stick to the basics and keep it together. Rule of thumb- do not say anything you wouldn’t want printed on the front page of The NY Times.

3. Put on a Happy Face

Quite simply, be positive. We’ve all made mistakes. But your first date-interview is a short window of time in which you get to express your many wonderful qualities and skills, not your drawbacks. Stick to talking about the time you made a positive impression on someone, took the initiative, or performed above and beyond what was asked. Lean forward, smile, be engaged, and relax. Practice your conversational skills. You are a happy, positive person and Company X would be lucky to have you as a permanent fixture!

4. Honesty – Make it Your Policy

Be honest. If Company X loves football, cheap beer, and wings, and you’re more of a Madame Butterfly and champagne kind of gal, don’t try to talk about Tom Brady’s most recent stats. Instead, try to find some common ground. You’ve prepared for your interview using our tips here, so focus on what drew you to this company in the first place. Then, post-interview, be as honest with yourself as you would be after a date. Maybe Company X would make a sports-loving, beer-guzzling lady very happy indeed, but that doesn’t mean it’s a perfect fit for you. Pay attention to corporate culture and how that might fit with your own preferences and working style.

5. Q & A

Everyone says, ‘‘ask questions’’ on a date, and you should do the same at an interview. Use this time to find out more about the company, the role and the expectations. What are the company’s long-term goals? What would the ideal hire for this position look like? What does Company X expect of you? What will your relationship together look like? What will you name your kids? Okay, maybe not that last one.

6. Affirmations

A wise person once relayed some strange advice to this PYP, and I’m going to share it with you now. As you sit in the company’s lobby, waiting to be invited in for your interview, repeat this mantra to yourself over and over again: ‘’I am awesome. I am wonderful. I will dominate this interview!’’ Yes, it sounds strange, but by the time you head in for the do-or-die moment, you will be sailing on a high of your own amazingness..

And there you have it. Go get ‘em!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 34

RE: Looking for a second - 12/4/2011 4:46:14 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm still stuck on why someone would think a job interview is in any way analogous to dating. Because it isn't. Dating - you both have the power to decide if it works for you or not. You both state what you need. In a job interview you are given the parameters with little or no room to change any of them, all you can decide is if you will accept or refuse. And if you need a job bad enough, you take it no matter what.

In dating, you don't need a relationship to settle for a bad one.

If you are good at what you do, it is the same at a job interview. Granted, in this economy, there are more people looking for work than employers to hire them, but that really doesn't matter. A company who wants to hire someone needs to convince that person it is somewhere they want to work. Salary is negotiable, as are benefits and hours.

That is, of course, for professional positions. If you are working for the local 7-11, not so much.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 35

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