Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma?

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ChatteParfaitt -> Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 6:47:10 AM)
This topic was prompted by a few threads going around, the "Is BDSM a Choice?" thread and the "Your Perspective" thread. Do people who are involved in BDSM, most especially the sadism and masochism aspects, have more emotional and mental "issues" than the general population? Is a proclivity towards sadism or masochism a result of past (childhood) trauma? Is subbing to someone always damaging to the ego on some level? Is subbing only damaging if humiliation, degradation and debasement are involved? Is sadism always the result of hating your "victim" on some level, while masking it as "love?" If a sub lives for humiliation, degradation, objectification, and debasement, is this always the result of poor self esteem? My opinions on these questions can be summed up fairly easily. First, everyone has issues, since no one gets to have a perfect childhood or lead a perfect life. We all have our baggage. I don't think people who practice BDSM necessarily have more baggage than the general population. I think this all depends on how you deal with those issues. If you hide behind your issues and never really explore why you are the way you are, than you are going to be a BDSM practitioner who is perhaps dangerous to yourself and others. If you see it as your life's work to resolve your issues (as I do) I think it can enhance your life and aid some of that resolution. I do think that those who like extreme sadomasochist play, such as breaking bones, or extreme degradation play, like eating scat (sorry) have some stuff they need to deal with. That these acts are consensual does not make them "sane" to me. But that is my opinion. What's yours?

DesFIP -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 7:12:02 AM)
There are lots of vanilla people who seek out fear play and pain. Sky diving and roller coasters are examples of fear play, as is watching horror movies. Do all those people have past trauma to explain it? By no means. I have a kid who loves roller coasters and he has never been abused. As far as pain goes, attend a chili contest and you'll see people willingly pay money to have tears running down their faces while pouring endless amounts of liquid down their throats. And once they cool down the pain, they go back and do it again. I have to assume it's just hard wiring that leads people to do this. And I don't believe that it can be healthy when it comes to the sense of taste but unhealthy when it's the sense of touch.

stacey4u2luv -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 7:32:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt This topic was prompted by a few threads going around, the "Is BDSM a Choice?" thread and the "Your Perspective" thread. Do people who are involved in BDSM, most especially the sadism and masochism aspects, have more emotional and mental "issues" than the general population? Is a proclivity towards sadism or masochism a result of past (childhood) trauma? Is subbing to someone always damaging to the ego on some level? Is subbing only damaging if humiliation, degradation and debasement are involved? Is sadism always the result of hating your "victim" on some level, while masking it as "love?" If a sub lives for humiliation, degradation, objectification, and debasement, is this always the result of poor self esteem? My opinions on these questions can be summed up fairly easily. First, everyone has issues, since no one gets to have a perfect childhood or lead a perfect life. We all have our baggage. I don't think people who practice BDSM necessarily have more baggage than the general population. I think this all depends on how you deal with those issues. If you hide behind your issues and never really explore why you are the way you are, than you are going to be a BDSM practitioner who is perhaps dangerous to yourself and others. If you see it as your life's work to resolve your issues (as I do) I think it can enhance your life and aid some of that resolution. I do think that those who like extreme sadomasochist play, such as breaking bones, or extreme degradation play, like eating scat (sorry) have some stuff they need to deal with. That these acts are consensual does not make them "sane" to me. But that is my opinion. What's yours? i for one love degradation, but i suppose you could also ask is degradation so degrading if one also seeks it and enjoys it. In that way one could say the person is not really degraded as they enjoy being called names, keeping their heads lowered, having their hair pulled and wanting to be called names etc... if one really does not enjoy then i say they should not be doing it and if someone forces them then they should not be together. i will always stand by that as everyone has the rights to be respected and have their limits respected too. if one does not enjoy they should up and walk away. i do not have poor self esteem as a matter of fact when i am not with Master i can walk outside with my head held high and proud. i am happy with whom i am and what i have in life. i think i enter into decisions with very sound judgement and only do things that i wish to do. sure sometimes i like to try new things but flat out if i do not like it will call an end to it. i would only be with one that respects my calling and end to something i do not like or want.

Arienos -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 7:37:40 AM)
quote: There are lots of vanilla people who seek out fear play and pain. Sky diving and roller coasters are examples of fear play, Of course this is just my opinion and we know opinions are like ass holes, they are good for shit. Nonetheless, I think it all is about brain chemistry and how that chemistry affects differently different people. Vanilla or not, risk takers seek out risk, edge play is not limited to BDSM, pain is found in every sport people engage in, hell runners constantly speak of that euphoric state that surrounds them. It’s addictive and the more we submerge in it the more we want it. My workout partner and I run five miles every day and swim a mile or two following that run, we lie to each other saying its body conditioning but in reality it’s the sensations and feelings our bodies are talking to us about that motivating us.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 7:38:18 AM)
Oh I agree that there are many vanilla people (which I define as those who do not self-identify as BDSMers), who are fear junkies and pain junkies of one form or another. I also think there are many who do not self-identify as into BDSM who have sexual or relationships proclivities that we would consider BDSM. For example, the man who likes to spank his wife, or have rough sex with her, or the couple (I am thinking of my parents here) who are so clearly male dom, female sub.)

gungadin09 -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 7:48:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Do people who are involved in BDSM, most especially the sadism and masochism aspects, have more emotional and mental "issues" than the general population? i believe that they do, on average. Is a proclivity towards sadism or masochism a result of past (childhood) trauma? i believe that a history of childhood abuse makes it more likely. Is subbing to someone always damaging to the ego on some level? Certainly not always damaging. In the extreme cases you're talking about? i don't know enough to hazard an opinion. Is subbing only damaging if humiliation, degradation and debasement are involved? It can still be damaging if those things are not involved. Is sadism always the result of hating your "victim" on some level, while masking it as "love?" i wonder if it's ALWAYS anything. i'm not a sadist, but i think of it in terms of loving power, not hating a person. i think it almost always involves some level of objectification, but "hate"? i don't think it usually involves "hate", not by my definition of the term. If a sub lives for humiliation, degradation, objectification, and debasement, is this always the result of poor self esteem? No. i can't even say i think it's usually the result of poor self esteem. However extreme their activities are, it's impossible to tell whether someone is SANE, except on a case by case basis. Having said that, i don't believe the notion that kinksters are no different from the rest of the world, except for kink. pam

Moonhead -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 8:05:47 AM)
It most likely isn't a response to trauma, no. However, claiming it is can be amusing, however incorrect it is, because doing that really* pisses off the sort of weal and twue's who think a taste for mild pervery makes them innately superior to the rest of the human race. Remember all of the screeching and screaming in Skin 2 when Secretary came out? Woodhouse and his editorial staff were carrying on like the director had raped their kids' puppies in front of them... *(Apart from the case of the late Bob Flanagan, of course.)

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 8:07:11 AM)
My opinions on this have been scattered across other threads. To any of those questions, you could say "yes" or "no." There are enough people on either side to cancel each other out. There are just as many people who wind up here via happy families as those who show up here without that. Some have sterling pasts when it comes to relationships, while others are a trail of mindfields. They cancel each other out. I've known women and men who want to dominate and play S&M games with people of either gender because they despise them as a representation of their gender. There are msubs who self-humiliate by submitting to something "inferior." :p But there are also people who genuinely like and love their partners, harbor no ill will towards them, and do things motivated by how they feel together. Loving someone enables them to go to really crazy places, knowing they have some way to come back. I don't believe being submissive is always damaging to the ego. Obviously, for some, it makes them happy, feels natural, helps them grow as people, etc. Same with humiliation/degredation/debasement, etc. There's a local couple who use "it" to refer to the female slave partner -- I'd always had a knee-jerk reaction to that, but watching them helped me expand my feelings towards that. They are totally in love with each other, and have supported each other through life-changing, difficult events. It's a headspace they are both working towards, and is fulfilling to them. On Fet, I've seen some people who do make me wonder if their humilation/degredation things are healthy -- for example, a very, veeeryy obese woman, who wants humiliation from anyone who happens by her profile, based on how fat she is. I admit, I do wonder sometimes if that's her way of trying to "turn a negative into a positive." I dunno. Maybe she let herself get so fat BECAUSE she wanted to be humilated for it? It's not always an easy "cart before the horse" scenario. At the same time, though, how do i say "well it's okay for me, but the way they do it is NOT okay?" If it's okay for me to have a relationship where someone degrades me with name-calling, why isn't it okay for the very large woman to be degraded by different name-calling? The others have made good points -- living on the edge, adrenaline, extreme sports, etc -- those are ways that other people play with fear. Some people work out because they love the pain that comes with pushing themselves past their limits. Part of the reason why I like RACK is because it's not so concerned with "sane." I think everyone's idea of what is sane for them is different. I may not agree with someone else's idea of it, but I can get to know them, see how it works for them, and try to understand their motivations. Some things I will never understand, and I do agree that having a consenting partner doesn't always make something "right," but it's a complicated line to draw at times. There are some things, like the recent breeding thread, that generally rub people the wrong way, and fall into the "wrong" category -- mostly on the grounds that it harms someone else who isn't a party to the original game. But I don't think most people are doing things like that.

Arienos -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 8:10:01 AM)
quote: For example, the man who likes to spank his wife, or have rough sex with her, or the couple (I am thinking of my parents here) who are so clearly male dom, female sub.) I find that interesting, I am big, muscular, my father, grandfather and uncles are all big, nature made us that way and we all cater to the women in our lives but if I were to tell my father he was submissive he would disown me and view me as mentally unstable.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 8:24:45 AM)
Thank you very much for your extremely candid reply, Stacey. May I ask if you know why you enjoy degradation? Is it a breaking down to build you up? If so, what exactly works to build you up? Or is it a perverse kink that gets you off for whatever reason? Although I think these are interesting questions, I am aware that there is a thing called too much self reflection.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 8:31:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arienos Of course this is just my opinion and we know opinions are like ass holes, they are good for shit. Nonetheless, I think it all is about brain chemistry and how that chemistry affects differently different people. Vanilla or not, risk takers seek out risk, edge play is not limited to BDSM, pain is found in every sport people engage in, hell runners constantly speak of that euphoric state that surrounds them. It’s addictive and the more we submerge in it the more we want it. My workout partner and I run five miles every day and swim a mile or two following that run, we lie to each other saying its body conditioning but in reality it’s the sensations and feelings our bodies are talking to us about that motivating us. Agreed. Endorphins are endorphins. They are released by pain or stressing the body, so it doesn't matter if it's from running five miles, or getting a really great beating. Your body reacts the same. Like all highs, that endorphin high is addicting.

littlewonder -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 8:37:54 AM)
After my husband died I used bdsm as a way to escape. I used the pain as a way to actually something, anything again. I also used it as a way to punish myself for my husband's death. I used the d/s as a way to be close to someone, anyone, again. I was lonely, I was hurting and I just wanted it all to go away. Bdsm did exactly that. I was damaged at that time and the bdsm did damage me even further. After the bdsm relationship was over, I stopped all bdsm for over 8 years. I didn't have relationships, I didn't date, I didn't do any kind of pain play or anything at all. I just stopped. I knew I had to heal and deal with my life. I had to fix myself. The bdsm would have just been a way for me to cope again. Then I met Master and the bdsm is completely different. That's because I am approaching it in a healthy way and I had already dealt with my husband's death. This relationship is based on reality. I'm not using it to run away from life....in fact, exactly the opposite. Now it's based in reality and in a relationship with a man who loves me for me as a person. So it just really depends on how you are using it in your life and for what reason.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 8:38:56 AM)
I have seen lots of seriously fucked up people using BDSM as some form of therapy/escape/expression. It's also been MY OBSERVATION that in these modern times of therapy and oversharing that the people with mental issues are far more outspoken about having those issues, that those with past abuse speak freely, that those who have been raped share their experiences. It's GOOD that people don't have to hide their past traumas as if they were shameful. As to the many disturbed individuals, I don't think that they're a disproportionate group. I stick to my firm and unscientific belief that perversion is no different than the average bowling league, a bunch of people gathered under a leaky umbrella, all enjoying similar things and not much in common besides that. I have parents that love me unconditionally. They do not understand me, or respect me, but they love me. [;)] I lived in fear, as we all did in those days, when anyone's mom could give you a smack with impunity, and kids were beaten in school. No one ever beat me. I was never sexually abused or raped. I have two master's degrees, and lots of professional credentials. Yes, I grew up a freak, with a facial deformity, and the worse stigma of being the smartest person in the room. Oh well. I went the path of befriending the underdog, and stopping bullies in their tracks. I am a sadist. I love blood, I love bruises, I love welts. (my own, and other people's!) It has to be consensual sadism, though. I am not interesting in dragging someone in off the street and seeing how long it takes before they pass out. If the person doesn't come to me willingly, I am just not interested. I fetishize obedience. The only thing that makes me want to have a slave again is the joy of having a person who has given up the right to say no. I would not accept someone who gives up that right because they want to abrogate their own responsibilities. Am I the poster child for well balanced sick fucks? Only if it comes with a Grand Poobah hat with a tiara on it!! We see so many fetishes on Fetl, and I am a person that does not get squicked pretty much ever, but yeah, some of them give me the WTF? reaction. I do not understand the desire to roll around in shit. (It's the smell factor, rolling around in mud, or something else would be okay!) Thanks to a friend who SHARES! I see lots of those pics. I see lots of people REALLY LOVING THEIR FETISH. Have any of you heard of a lady who goes by Femcar? She is ASTOUNDING. She does scenes where folks pee on her, and she's made to vomit on herself and all kinds of mess, and she thrives on it! What can I say? Not my kink by a long shot, but she walks into that with love and leaves happy.

stellauk -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 9:31:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Do people who are involved in BDSM, most especially the sadism and masochism aspects, have more emotional and mental "issues" than the general population? I'm not sure that I or anyone else can draw such a conclusion with any degree of reliability. We all have issues, both emotional and mental, to varying degrees, and my own personal criteria when making such judgements is how self-aware the person is of their issues, what do they do to either compensate or discount those issues, and how much those issues impact on their ability to function in life and in relationships. My own personal view is that emotional and mental issues only really become a problem when there is some degree of dysfunction which impacts on a relationship or their ability to function, e.g. work. I also don't make any distinction between people involved in WIITWD and people out there in wider society. We're all the same - just people - and while our involvement in our respective subcultures that make up WIITWD may influence our attitudes and thinking - especially in terms of relationships - we still remain the same people more or less. What differs, which is something one might find in other areas of culture, such as art, music, the performing arts, is that we have some opportunity of an outlet to express ourselves and those issues by means which can bring something beneficial to other people than ourselves. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Is a proclivity towards sadism or masochism a result of past (childhood) trauma? Possibly it is, but unless we have shared experience with that particular person in their childhood and followed them through life we can only go by what they tell us and that what we assume by filling in the blanks and comparisons with our own life experiences. It also need not be from trauma experienced in childhood, but also as a result of the traumatic experiences gained from abuse in previous relationships. I believe that issues develop from our relationships per se, both with ourselves and with other people. We learn how to deal with those issues from ...erm.. um.. our relationships with others and with ourselves. Relationships happen in cycles, and are themselves nothing more than a complex mass of cycles of interaction, ritual, habit, and communication. From a certain perspective it's a kind of undulating vicious circle which yes, at times does make life quite vicious in itself. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Is subbing to someone always damaging to the ego on some level? Not necessarily. In my case it gave me the opportunity to explore and examine my own gender issues in the context of a relationship - while there's been a link between the two they have always been very clear and very distinct (separate) parts of me and by extension, it allowed me to redefine myself and discover a new purpose in life that I failed to identify due to my confusion as to who or what I am. But at that stage it was service and the relationships were more symbiotic than perhaps later. I'm more of the opinion that submission to the wrong person for the wrong reasons can always be potentially damaging and sometimes when used to address an issue can create an even bigger issue. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Is subbing only damaging if humiliation, degradation and debasement are involved? I cannot offer any meaningful or reliable insight here. I might have wanted in the past to be humiliated or degraded but it's not my thing and I've been trained and conditioned so well to have a mindset that my submission through service comes from dignity, honour and integrity and to reject such things as humiliation or degradation. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Is sadism always the result of hating your "victim" on some level, while masking it as "love?" I have no opinion. I'm not a sadist. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt If a sub lives for humiliation, degradation, objectification, and debasement, is this always the result of poor self esteem? I don't live for these things, but I suffer from unreliable self-appraisal issues and can suffer sudden losses of self-esteem and self-confidence. For me personally to experience humiliation or debasement would only serve to feed my emotional masochism, justifying it and enabling it. I address my own self-esteem issues either through my creative work or creative self-expression or through my service to others because it is through this I have learned to validate myself and overcome the issue. I'm a great believer in personal responsibility and ownership of my issues and while at times I may seek validation from others I feel that I am also responsible for being able to validate myself through my own actions. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt My opinions on these questions can be summed up fairly easily. First, everyone has issues, since no one gets to have a perfect childhood or lead a perfect life. We all have our baggage. I agree. I wish at times I could morph into Heathrow Airport just so that some of the baggage can disappear. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt I don't think people who practice BDSM necessarily have more baggage than the general population. I think this all depends on how you deal with those issues. If you hide behind your issues and never really explore why you are the way you are, than you are going to be a BDSM practitioner who is perhaps dangerous to yourself and others. If you see it as your life's work to resolve your issues (as I do) I think it can enhance your life and aid some of that resolution. To me change is the only constant in our lives. We change because our relationships change which change us and we change as a result. Life and relationships I believe occur in complex cycles and sometimes to overcome an issue it requires repeated attempts of going through a cycle of broken relationships or attempts - we're all living by trial and error and each new relationship takes us back to the beginning. I also believe that there's a spiritual element too, and perhaps we also have relationships beyond the physical into the metaphysical. Sometimes life throws us a curve ball and our lives and relationships just seem to crumble and collapse and we are all of a sudden facing a bigger issue, a crisis, and this is when we need to overcome the issues we have and somehow learn and progress. If we don't the same situation keeps coming back, and it will keep coming back until we overcome those issues. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt I do think that those who like extreme sadomasochist play, such as breaking bones, or extreme degradation play, like eating scat (sorry) have some stuff they need to deal with. That these acts are consensual does not make them "sane" to me. I was discussing something similar with someone (another poster) recently on the topic of sadists. I'm of the view that, as we all have issues, there is often a degree of codependency in our relationships which may be mild or insignificant or it may be more significant. I'm of the view that yes, people can work with each other's issues in such codependency and this is par for course in any relationship, where after the initial attraction and chemistry we make a value judgment on someone's bad habits, inadequacies, weaknesses, vulnerabilities and issues in deciding whether to continue the relationship or not. In such a case where there's not much dysfunction codependency can exist in the form of 'working on oneself' with the emotional support of the other. However I draw the line at dysfunction - issues which impact either on the person themselves or on others in such a way so as to impair their ability to function in a relationship. Therefore I don't accept that BDSM is an acceptable substitute for receiving professional help and support. BDSM isn't to me just about consent, whether it be RACK or SSC but it's also about personal responsibility and the ability to foresee or make allowances for unforeseen consequences. This is where sadism here in BDSM differs from the sadism of some of those sitting on Death Row awaiting execution. Nothing to do with consent, but to do with intention, motivation, personal responsibility and dealing with the consequences. You see when you get into the extreme S/M stuff there are cases where, while the person might not die, they can end up severely or permanently damaged, not necessarily through injury, but emotionally, psychologically. And it doesn't have to take much to put someone in that state. I know a few sadists who are into that extreme stuff and generally they are people who are in complete control, rational, and very much aware of people and the sorts of issues people have.

Reform -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 10:20:18 AM)
~Do people who are involved in BDSM, most especially the sadism and masochism aspects, have more emotional and mental "issues" than the general population? I don't think so. If anything, BDSMers are generally more open about who they are, and if that includes past abuse, others may hear about it. I don't think that means "more" people have "issues," just that they're more open about it than other groups may be. ~Is a proclivity towards sadism or masochism a result of past (childhood) trauma? It certainly could be, but it's not in my case. I was a masochist before I'd heard the word, and I was not abused/traumatized as a child. ~Is subbing to someone always damaging to the ego on some level? I don't see how. Submitting has made me a better person, I'm not really sure how that could mean my ego has been damaged? ~Is subbing only damaging if humiliation, degradation and debasement are involved? Possibly? I'm not really into humiliation because it does bring me down. Others seem to really enjoy it and it doesn't bother them. ~Is sadism always the result of hating your "victim" on some level, while masking it as "love?" Not in my case. I hurt because I love. There's absolutely no hate involved. I couldn't hurt a person I hated on any level. ~If a sub lives for humiliation, degradation, objectification, and debasement, is this always the result of poor self esteem? The use of the word "always" makes me answer no on this one.

MrBukani -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 11:58:40 AM)
I had to google the word proclivity, never heard it. I'm just dutch, not an english major yet. Love latin words and I do believe correct use of words is essential in any discussion. So thanks. The core of the question is I think. Does love for BDSM have any direct correlation to traumatic experiences and can practising it be damaging? To answer these questions you will first have to agree on basic principals. What is love? In the most basic form its caring for eachother. Love bonds relationships What is sex? It's to procreate according to nature and nature made it damn good. And the last most important question. What is normal? I won't answer that one in a simple sentence. Sadism has a function in human nature. It is to put fear in the heart of the enemy. It has been practised for as long as humans exist probably. And you can even find this personal trade in animals I believe. Masochism has no direct function, except to please oneself. It is known pain releases endorphines and all other kinds of natural dope in the body. Now my answer. I do not think we all have baggage, and it is the weight of the bags wich sums up the level of damage it has done. I do think people try to solve issues with BDSM. I did that in some way. But I don't think BDSM is therapy to solve problems. It never did solve problems for me. It did show me I had some weird thought patterns about some things. I do know it can be very dangerous, cause BDSM is an extreme. People do mask a lot of emotions. Because others can prey on your weakness People like to be special and unique. That's why people try to become better or more extreme each generation. People also like to belong, to a group, a nation, to a partner or to whatever they thing like. These kind of wants can cause conflict and contradict. Maybe thats the big magnet of BDSM Conflict and Contradiction. pain and pleasure the bond the struggle the release love and hate... still thinking[8\|] edit: I do think there is more psychological problems in the BDSM community. Any off beat community has to deal with more problems then regular people, it's a simple fact.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 12:09:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrBukani . Any off beat community has to deal with more problems then regular people, it's a simple fact. Why do you think this? What do you define as "offbeat"? Skateboarders? Goths? Punks? Artists? Hippies?

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 12:12:59 PM)
Offbeat people deal with prejudice by "normals," but normals are stereotyped, too. Nobody is free of that. I know some artsy hippy types who think of anyone in khakis and loafers as a bigshot asshole capitalist pig-dog. :p Or they're all "fake" and can't "free their minds" and live inside boxes, or are "repressed." You see the "repressed prudes" attitude towards vanillas all over kink sites, and it's not necessarily true.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 12:14:33 PM)
I appreciate your frankness, Littlewonder. I think many people use BDSM as an escape, and eventually it does damage them even further. That you took such a long break from all relationships and worked on yourself for years is evident in the quality of your current relationship. I really liked this statement of yours: So it just really depends on how you are using it in your life and for what reason.

MrBukani -> RE: Is the proclivity for BDSM a result of past trauma? (12/1/2011 12:14:35 PM)
yes,yes and yes The difference between offbeat groups like skaters and bdsmers is that the first is more socially excepted. But still skaters do have more problems then regulars. Broken bones for one thing.[:D] Edit: On a sad sidenote, it's a known fact among the gay community suicide rates are much higher. Edit2: What I am trying to say is that any group that is socially less excepted in general is prone to more problems. you know?

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