How to handle someone who doesn't get it?

How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (Full Version)

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AriesHausdorff -> How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 6:33:40 PM)
Dear Ladies, a by now long time ago I offered a young lady which had a, to put it politely, terrible profile, to help her with rewriting and translating her profile. As things go, it took a while, and one day I had a rather insultive mail in my inbox. I tried to explain that there are issues that simply take their time, but the follow up mails got rather more... Hmm... Bitchy? No, because a bitch can't help herself. A Mistress - one so-called by herself - should be able to control her temper, just as a Master should. Or am I at fault there and for the ladies the rules of play are rather reversed? Giving the issue time to cool off I checked back today and found a pile of just as insultive mails. I wrote my reply to all those, so, technically, the issue is closed for me. What I would like to know now is this, dear Ladies: 1) How to handle a Mistress who lacks the ability to accept others as equal and does not accept that there is a real life out there that has certain demands? Ignore? 2) Is it wrong to offer ones skills and help to others? Does that make me some kind of... Servant... When I offer assistance? I'd dearly would love feedback. Private messages are also welcome, in case you consider your personal advice to collide with a majorities opinion or the like. Sincerely Aries

LaTigresse -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 6:44:50 PM)
How to handle.... Let's see, you butted into someone else's business without being asked. Criticized the person, offered your 'assistance' and cannot understand why the person basically told you to fuck off and die. I think you've got more pressing issues of your own you need to address. Forget the other person and mind your own damned business.

DarkSteven -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 6:50:02 PM)
1. To be kinda blunt, your post is not well written. Among other things, "insultive" is not a word. So I'm not quite sure how you're qualified to rewrite profiles. 2. You said you'd rewrite her profile, and she accepted. But evidently the two of you did not agree on a time frame. Sounds like she got angry that it took so long, and both of you failed to simply reach accord on that issue. 3. Your account is pretty subjective. The title implies she was 100% at fault for not getting it. Also, saying "Giving the issue time to cool off I checked back today" which to me says that she wrote you a steamed message asking why it was taking so long and you didn't answer for several days. OF COURSE she got more steamed. To answer your questions: I have no idea why you equate a mutual failure to agree on a schedule to be her not accepting you as equal. So you have a real life? So do all of us. Next time you offer to a task for anyone, state how long it will take. Like I said, you failed to do this and she failed to ask it, so the failure was mutual. How do you handle a Mistress that does not like some aspect of your tasking? Work with her to get past that! Either you learn to do it her way, she learns to accept that you're not going to do it her way, or you part ways. Why on earth would it be wrong to offer to help others?

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 7:09:51 PM)
I had to check his profile, but I just knew the OP was a male dominant. This is why is is so worried about offeried assistance being viewed as "service." For the OP, I will reiterate the eloquence of LaT: Let's see, you butted into someone else's business without being asked. Criticized the person, offered your 'assistance' and cannot understand why the person basically told you to fuck off and die. I think you've got more pressing issues of your own you need to address. Forget the other person and mind your own damned business. And while you are at it, spend some time learning about dominance and submission.

Fornica -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 7:13:08 PM)
fr to OP Um. I think you might be the one who didn't get it, sweetpea.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 7:21:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AriesHausdorff What I would like to know now is this, dear Ladies: 1) How to handle a Mistress who lacks the ability to accept others as equal and does not accept that there is a real life out there that has certain demands? Ignore? 2) Is it wrong to offer ones skills and help to others? Does that make me some kind of... Servant... When I offer assistance? First of all, I just KNEW the OP was a male Dominant but had to look & find out for sure, and I was right. How to....."handle?" WTH?? All you need to "handle" is how to mind your own business. I'm curious as to whether you two were already friends or if you already knew her on any level whatsoever. What we all do know is you offered your assistance with her profile so, apparently, she did not ask for it. So you took it upon yourself to butt in and tell her how you think she should write her profile. Your OP never said whether she actually accepted your offer either, so maybe she didn't. No one knows the correspondence that went between you two or what she was thinking. Maybe she thought you were trying to get all Domly on her and not treating her as an equal and she didn't appreciate it. I mean some male Doms give female Dommes a hard time and act as though women can't possibly be Dominant and treat us accordingly. That could have set her off. Maybe she just didn't like a stranger who doesn't know anything about her telling her how to write her own personal profile. I don't think it's wrong to offer one's services and talents where they could be useful, but there are some situations where it's not really advisable. Contacting a total stranger and telling her something along the lines of...your profile sucks and I'll help you re-write it....well, that's just not a good idea. Ever. Now, were it me and a strange person wrote to me wanting to re-write my profile, I'd say "No thank you. There is NO way you could ever possibly know me or how I want to portray myself better than I do. If s/he got pushy and went ahead and sent me a re-write then, yes, I'd get in his/her face, BLOCK & DELETE. No, I don't think the rules are reversed for "the ladies," but I think common sense would tell you to not butt into someone else's business. That never brings a positive result. NBMG

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 7:29:59 PM)
OMFG The OP perved my profile, then sent Cmail and asked why I looked at his profile. Like I didn't already explain that here. Like I have to have a reason. Dude, get over yourself quick, or I predict you will not have a good time here.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 7:36:14 PM)
Oh dear Goddess!! He looked at mine too. AND wrote to me. The deal is, if I don't already know who an OP is, I'll check out his or her profile. lol

poise -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 7:41:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AriesHausdorff Dear Ladies, 1) How to handle a Mistress who lacks the ability to accept others as equal and does not accept that there is a real life out there that has certain demands? Ignore? 2) Is it wrong to offer ones skills and help to others? Does that make me some kind of... Servant When I offer assistance? This has nothing to do with whether either of you are dominant or submissive. You offered to help someone make a better impression of themselves by rewriting their profile. That's called being kind, and being kind does not make one a servant. I don't know if this is someone you had been in previous correspondence with, but since she did accept your assistance, she could have been more gracious and patient enough to wait until you had completed the rewrite. And since this happened long ago, as you say in your opening post, don't you think it's time to let go of the negative thoughts and find something more positive to focus on?

DesFIP -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 7:44:09 PM)
Oy, so he wrote a condescending email to a domme, telling her she was doing everything wrong and should let him take charge. Any bets what he asked for his 'fee' for this service? And he's surprised that she was offended by his attitude?

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 7:52:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Oy, so he wrote a condescending email to a domme, telling her she was doing everything wrong and should let him take charge. Any bets what he asked for his 'fee' for this service? And he's surprised that she was offended by his attitude? Yes, that's it in a nutshell. [;)] As for those who are assuming that she accepted his offer, he never said she accepted. He might have implied it by making her sound impatient, but he never did actually say she accepted. Also, I'd be very interested to hear what HER side of the story is, but we'll probably never know. Strangely enough, there was a female Dominant's letter in my cmail right before his and they're both from Germany. I can only wonder if that's her...... NBMG

SweetCheri -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 8:15:00 PM)
quote: to help her with rewriting and translating her profile. I checked your profile and guess what? You're not qualified to help with rewriting and translating a profile, in fact you need help in that department yourself. I counted at least 10 errors in your first two sentences. Maybe that is why she reacted badly.

FrostedFlake -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 8:35:56 PM)
Guten abend Here Hausdorff Ich nicht Domme und sprechen kine Deutsch. Eine Bemerkung machen, entshuldegung. You speak English a lot better than I speak German, but you saw how bad that was. Part of what the ladies and Steven were reacting to is your grammar, which is off, and your word choice, which is off. You didn't mean to say exactly what you said, you meant something a little different. And they read exactly what you wrote and responded to that instead of what you meant to write..And there are certain cultural connotations. Apparently, men tend to talk down to women. And women tend to be sensitive about it. Particularly Dominant Women. Apparently you have conveyed this impression, here, whether you meant to or not, and apparently also did so with the Lady you are asking advice over. Mental note to self : Keep in mind that some refer to it as 'Perving their profile". Moving along, you might, if you take an objective view, note that the questions you actually posed are not necessarily the questions you want answered, and they are not necessarily phrased in such a way as to please the ear you are directing them toward. "Handle a Mistress" as you see, went down hard. The other problems with the questions are more subtle. In general, you put forward the impression that you already know the answer to the real question. But if you did, you wouldn't be asking questions. Now, if you had asked something along the lines of, "Could someone please point out to me what it was that I did to upset this lady?", I feel the response you received would have been both more pleasant and of some use to you. In closing, it seems clear to me (student of human nature) that you like the Lady you are asking about. But it might help a bit to say so. Begging Pardon if I have spoken out of turn. FF

LookieNoNookie -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 9:30:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven 1. To be kinda blunt, your post is not well written. Among other things, "insultive" is not a word. So I'm not quite sure how you're qualified to rewrite profiles. 2. You said you'd rewrite her profile, and she accepted. But evidently the two of you did not agree on a time frame. Sounds like she got angry that it took so long, and both of you failed to simply reach accord on that issue. 3. Your account is pretty subjective. The title implies she was 100% at fault for not getting it. Also, saying "Giving the issue time to cool off I checked back today" which to me says that she wrote you a steamed message asking why it was taking so long and you didn't answer for several days. OF COURSE she got more steamed. To answer your questions: I have no idea why you equate a mutual failure to agree on a schedule to be her not accepting you as equal. So you have a real life? So do all of us. Next time you offer to a task for anyone, state how long it will take. Like I said, you failed to do this and she failed to ask it, so the failure was mutual. How do you handle a Mistress that does not like some aspect of your tasking? Work with her to get past that! Either you learn to do it her way, she learns to accept that you're not going to do it her way, or you part ways. Why on earth would it be wrong to offer to help others? I think "insultive" might get included in the next version....don't be so presumptuous.....it's taken 27 years for me to get Websters to look at "hornification" and I'm told there's a 50/50 chance it'll be in the next edition.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 9:32:10 PM)
Hornification. I like it.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 9:33:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Hornification. I like it. (I was being kind actually...I have it on an inside track that it's 70/30)

LookieNoNookie -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 9:38:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AriesHausdorff Dear Ladies, a by now long time ago I offered a young lady which had a, to put it politely, terrible profile, to help her with rewriting and translating her profile. As things go, it took a while, and one day I had a rather insultive mail in my inbox. I tried to explain that there are issues that simply take their time, but the follow up mails got rather more... Hmm... Bitchy? No, because a bitch can't help herself. A Mistress - one so-called by herself - should be able to control her temper, just as a Master should. Or am I at fault there and for the ladies the rules of play are rather reversed? Giving the issue time to cool off I checked back today and found a pile of just as insultive mails. I wrote my reply to all those, so, technically, the issue is closed for me. What I would like to know now is this, dear Ladies: 1) How to handle a Mistress who lacks the ability to accept others as equal and does not accept that there is a real life out there that has certain demands? Ignore? 2) Is it wrong to offer ones skills and help to others? Does that make me some kind of... Servant... When I offer assistance? I'd dearly would love feedback. Private messages are also welcome, in case you consider your personal advice to collide with a majorities opinion or the like. Sincerely Aries You have a schematic of a wheelbarrow on your photos section. Now, maybe it's just me but....(and I am a sub, so maybe I just have this WAY THE FUCK WRONG BUT..........), I'm thinking....that's really not a big draw for chics. (It's a gut feel, but I'm going with it).

FrostedFlake -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 10:06:31 PM)
Uhm, Nookie. A closer look might be in order. And a look around. Just sayin. FF

LadyHibiscus -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 10:21:55 PM)
So it's not a wheelbarrow? Because there is NO way I am perving that dood's profile. (And really, I think JJ knows from wheelbarrows)

FrostedFlake -> RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? (12/2/2011 11:18:18 PM)
I mention I'm Qualified Submarines? FF http://www.usshaddo.com/Default.aspx?URL=Home

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