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MasterG2kTR -> Fast Offensives (12/3/2011 8:01:18 AM)
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Warning these WILL OFFEND (at least some people)
Some guy just knocked on my door, selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”
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Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.” He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me blow a load of cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!”
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A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!”
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Got this text from my brother recently.
It read, “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!” ______________________________________________________
I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day. ____________________________________________________
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in. ____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.” I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cuz when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!” ____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
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The missus asked me, “When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?” Apparently, “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly,” wasn't the right answer.
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