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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 11:58:33 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

No LL it wouldn't be because of a piece of jewelry, it would be because he didn't know me. If u don't understand that then it would be too hard to explain. I am not secretive that diamonds aren't my best friend. I didn't say I would throw it all away. But I would say not yet.

Angel

I do understand what you are saying, but I view the things men do differently than you. Look at the number of couples who have been together for years, and the men just never get the gifts right. It doesn't have to do with them not knowing their partner, or caring about her, it has to do with the way they think about things.

Now of course, a big difference here is I don't really wear jewlery. I've had a great deal of it in the past, but it just sat in the jewlery box, worn only on (very) special occasions. Obviously if a woman wears jewlery often, there is a bit of a difference. Same thing with if discussions about it have occured.

I have found though, that there are a lot of men who even though you have the conversation and they do listen, it just doesn't sink in.

For me personally, whether or not he can pick jewlery based on likes/dislikes that I may have expressed in passing is not a gauge of whether or not he knows me well or cares about me. For me, I would be looking at the relationship on the whole, rather than gauging his ability to pick jewlery. I knew a woman once who was pissed off that her husband bought her a brand new, state of the art washer and dryer (not as a birthday/Christmas, etc. type gift). She was fine about the washer/dryer, but was pissed because they were red. Really? It's an appliance that is typically not in view of anyone, so to me, her reaction indicated she was superficial and shallow. Later interactions with this woman proved my initial impression was correct.

My judgement is placed on the whole of a person and what they do, not simply one thing.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 12:04:54 PM

HeatherMcLeather

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The proposer chooses.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 4:20:17 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I was given his grandmother's engagement ring. It fit perfectly which his mother took as an omen of good luck.
We lasted 20 years so I suppose it was.

I have to say that if he bought me a red washer/dryer, I wouldn't be happy. He's seen me in Home Depot admiring the blue ones often enough that he ought to know which I like. Unless it was an incredible sale and there was no choice in color. But that's a different thing.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 12/5/2011 4:25:26 PM >

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 5:49:25 PM

NuevaVida

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I liked the way one friend put it - she's going to be wearing it forever, and every time she looks at it she'll be thinking of him, so yes, she'd like it to be a ring she likes.

My cousin and her (now) husband shopped together. She showed him various rings that really did it for her. From there he could gauge her tastes and he had one made for her, which surpassed for her all the ones she had previously showed him.

I don't think I'd want to shop together and say "Yes, that one - buy me that one." It would lose its specialness for me. But if he learned my tastes along the way and then picked something out on his own, that would be awesome.

But that's not in our current plans, so the idea is kind of moot for me.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 5:51:26 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I would want to pick it out together, after all if we stay married forever, and I'd hope we would, till death do us part, then I'll be looking at it the rest of my life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Okay a question for the masses --

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 6:03:12 PM

LafayetteLady

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From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I was given his grandmother's engagement ring. It fit perfectly which his mother took as an omen of good luck.
We lasted 20 years so I suppose it was.

I have to say that if he bought me a red washer/dryer, I wouldn't be happy. He's seen me in Home Depot admiring the blue ones often enough that he ought to know which I like. Unless it was an incredible sale and there was no choice in color. But that's a different thing.

That he has seen you admiring some does make a difference. The woman I was talking about, they hadn't discussed it at all, he just bought them. They weren't a Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary or Valentine's day gift, he just bought them.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 6:24:27 PM

TreasureKY

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Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I do understand what you are saying, but I view the things men do differently than you. Look at the number of couples who have been together for years, and the men just never get the gifts right. It doesn't have to do with them not knowing their partner, or caring about her, it has to do with the way they think about things.

...

I have found though, that there are a lot of men who even though you have the conversation and they do listen, it just doesn't sink in.

For me personally, whether or not he can pick jewlery based on likes/dislikes that I may have expressed in passing is not a gauge of whether or not he knows me well or cares about me. For me, I would be looking at the relationship on the whole, rather than gauging his ability to pick jewlery.

I have to second this thought. Firm isn't into shopping, and while he knows me well, I doubt if he could pick out specifically what it is about my style that appeals to him. It's just the way he is... for him it's a man thing.

Firm proposed to me one night in early August 2009 out of the blue. I honestly don't know if it was something he had been considering for a while; early in our relationship he was pretty adamant that he had no intention of ever marrying again. Nonetheless, my impression was that the proposal was strictly spur of the moment and I did not have a ring presented, with scripted speech, from bended knee.

As he'd expressed a dislike for jewelry... and irritation with his previous spouse at her getting butt-hurt if he ever took his ring off... I honestly didn't expect him to want a wedding ring for himself. I wasn't too concerned about a ring for myself right away, but I knew that I wanted an engagement/wedding ring set (something I didn't have the first time around)... eventually.

We spent a few months hemming and hawing on the date and type of wedding, then shortly before Christmas, Firm surprised me again with a spur of the moment trip to a judge. He knew I was having such a difficult time trying to please everyone and worrying over details. We didn't have rings at the time.

Then, for Christmas, he gave me a very expensive string of pearls. I love classic jewelry and they were lovely... but they were HUGE! While they were something akin to what former First Lady Barbara Bush was known for wearing, they really weren't my style. I much prefer smaller and daintier jewelry, and I honestly couldn't think of where on earth I'd wear such honking pearls.

While I absolutely adore Firm for his thoughtfulness, he gave me permission to exchange the pearls for a wedding set. He surprised me further by requesting I select a ring for him, too (though a simple thin, gold band).

His generosity and consideration allowed me to have a set that I love.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 6:31:31 PM

littlewonder

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Master has pretty good taste for a man but I admit that if he had to pick something specifically to my taste I doubt he'd do a very good job but that's because as he always tells me, I never tell people exactly what i want. Both him and my daughter both always tell me the same thing..."you don't ever say what you want so I don't know what to get you". I'm a simple person and I don't really need a lot so it's hard for me to say and I don't have a certain style except sleek, classic, simple.

If I was to judge Master on what he buys me we would have been over a long time ago. He's a man. He doesn't like to shop, he doesn't really "get" about certain cuts, colors, etc all the time. It's hit and miss with him lol. But I'm always appreciative of everything he gives to me because I know he bought it with as much knowledge and sentiment that he could possibly have and to me that's what's important...that he put his heart into it.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 8:09:50 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Okay a question for the masses --

Should the person being proposed to pick out their own engagment ring, or should it be the proposer's thing they pick out and it be a surprise?

I know there are many thoughts about this. I personally am for the latter in that the proposal and the ring should be a surprise, and that is how my ex proposed. I love emeralds but diamonds no so much, unless its a green, aren't my thing for major events though i have them, i prefer other gems. so i always have figured if a guy proposed with an emerald or green diamond, he would know me well -- if he didn't -- it would mean he wasn't paying attention and didn't know me all that well.

My girlfriend and her husband decided they would be getting married, and she picked out her own ring and told him exactly what to buy and exactly when to propose.

My other friend's husband asked her to marry him on the fly and they then went together to pick out the ring and he paid for it. n

So i am curious as to how people view this.

angel

Well, I have a different perspective....I did the proposing, but when it came time for her to have a ring, we went down to the store, I told her what I could afford and I let her pick it out.

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