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ADomDoc -> Women's Point System (5/28/2006 7:26:04 PM)
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In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system...
Simple Duties
You make the bed.......................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..............0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets............................-1
You leave the toilet seat up...........................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.......................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex............-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom......-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings..+5
But return with beer...................................................-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night...............................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.......................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something....................+5
You pummel it with a six iron.........................................+10
It's her father.......................................................-10
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly.....................................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.......+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts........................................................-5
Finances
You spend a lot of money on something impractical......................-5
Something she can't use...............................................-10
Such as a motorized model airplane....................................-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday........................-40
Driving
You lost the directions on a trip......................................-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost.......................-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town.........................-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and
personal..............................................................-25
You know them.........................................................-60
The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?".............................................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding............................................-10
You reply, "Where?"...................................................-35
Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression.............................................0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes................+5
You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV............+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.....................-20
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party...................................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking
buddy..................................................................-2
Named Tiffany..........................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer....................................................-6
Tiffany has implants...................................................-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly......+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on
the rump...............................................................-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think
she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"+1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you
say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"....................................-6
That woman is her sister..............................................-90
You have one drink, and that's it.......................................0
You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle.............-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted........-18
Saturday Afternoon
You go to the mall together............................................+3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car....+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports
bar....................................................................-2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it........+3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional........0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk .................+3
Most of it chips and beer .............................................-6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den........+15
Or refinishing the floors.............................................+16
Or rewiring the basement..............................................+17
Or adding a second floor..............................................+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket...........-6
And you're tickled pink about it......................................-15
You visit her parents...................................................0
You visit her parents and actually make conversation ..................+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television ............-3
And the television is off..............................................-6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear....-6
And you didn't even go to college.....................................-10
And it's not your underwear...........................................-15
Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner..............................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...................+1
Okay, it is a sports bar...............................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.........................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colors of your favorite team..........................................-10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player.............+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and
sing...................................................................+4
If you stink...........................................................+2
If you're not half bad.................................................+5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much
applause...............................................................-2
You give her a gift.....................................................0
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance........................-10
You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ....................+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate............................+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months..............+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day............-10
With her credit card..................................................-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big..........................-40
Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday completely....................................-20
You forget your anniversary...........................................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station..........................-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey........................................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast...........................-60
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal .....................................................-5
And the pal is happily married ........................................-4
Or frighteningly single ...............................................-7
And he drives a Mustang...............................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED).........................-15
You have a few beers...................................................-9
And miss curfew by an hour............................................-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call........................-20
You get home at 3 am..................................................-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars...............-40
And not wearing any pants.............................................-50
Is that a tattoo??...................................................-200
Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work....+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late..+10
You wait up...........................................................+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed.......+20
A Night At Home
You watch TV together...................................................0
You rent a movie.......................................................+2
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY..........................+3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.................+5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep...........................-1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.................-2
A Night Out
You take her to a movie................................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes......................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate ......................................+6
You take her to a movie you like.......................................-2
It's called DeathCop 3.................................................-3
Which features cyborgs having sex......................................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.................-15
Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it's expected............................ 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it............+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself..............+30
And she contracts Lyme disease........................................-25
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