RE: Frustrated with site

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LillyBoPeep -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 1:29:22 PM)
I reply to any well-written message, even if just to say "thanks but I'm not interested for XYZ reasons." I appreciate people who take initiative because it's difficult for me to initiate contact with people. I try to at least be a positive experience for someone who put in the effort.

lizi -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 1:38:17 PM)
Yup, what she said. I know it can be frustrating. Here's an awesome thread that may help. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1717756

GreedyTop -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 1:56:37 PM)
~FR~ quote: Restores a little more faith in the community. [/quote} and which community are you speaking of? this is not meant to be snarky, by any means...

bighappygoth39 -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 2:18:46 PM)
I have always replied to messages that deserved a reply, and I make it clear in my profile what I'm not prepared to chat about now, so I tend not to get bothered by time wasters as much. I still delete and block if I get a message where they obviously haven't read my profile. It does get annoying, but it comes with the territory, unfortunately. Hopefully the OP can see past that and have enough patience to keep trying, and remember that it only takes that one special message that can be the start of something beautiful. [:)]

Kaliko -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 2:34:59 PM)
I don't respond if a man has ignored my preferences for distance and age. Which, incidentally, are listed at the very bottom of my profile, so that also means that either they didn't read my whole profile, or they ignored what I wrote. If they make it past distance and age, then I look at the length/content of the message. An empty compliment ("Nice legs!") or chat request is ignored. My profile is lengthy for a reason. The man I'm ultimately with will be someone who enjoys reading a profile like that, and he will also be someone who will write more than three words upon first contact. If their message does seem to have some content to it, then I look to see if he has referenced my profile specifically in some way. I've gotten enough form letter type messages to know that it's completely insincere. I assure you (and I have no idea if this is what you do, but I'm just saying) if you don't type out your first email from scratch each and every time, many women will be able to tell it's a copy and paste, even if only in part. That may not bother everyone. It does bother me, though. It seems creepy. So...IF you are within the age and distance preferences, and IF you have written more than three words, and IF you reference my profile in a personal way...then I will always respond in one way or another.* Of course, messages from forum users are different. The rules don't apply and I'm always happy to hear from anyone here. *Unless I don't.

Blueyeddom76 -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 2:54:26 PM)
I was referring to the BDSM community in general.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 2:58:57 PM)
I feel the OP's pain but, in a slightly different way. I know that, as ugly as I am and because of my lifestyle, that I am not everyone's cup of tea. I made my peace with that, a loooooong time ago. What irritates me is when something on someone's profile/journal/forum post strikes a chord with me and I message them, saying something along those lines ... Hell! I'll give an example here: "Dear Xxxxxxxx; I thought your journal entry on the seeming inability of people to communicate without using text speak was spot-on. The fact that intelligent communication is being bludgeoned to death bothers the heck out of me, also. Kudos to you and keep the faith! Peace and comfort, ..." Seems okay? How come the response I get most often (if I get one) is: "I'm not poly and I don't share"? Someone has taken the time to write something nice only to have the good vibe negated by someone that either can't read or is so arrogant that they think the *only* reason someone would communicate with them is to "hit on" them. That's depressing. Peace and comfort, Michael

Blueyeddom76 -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 3:07:09 PM)
@michael Hey, at least you received a response!! It's the "Deleted Unread" status that sucks. Ladies, again, I must reiterate that I don't place the blame squarely on your shoulders. I get it that it's frustrating to have a hundred or more emails a day that are basically one line solicitations for casual sex. My rant was about those guys whose emails are mixed with those of us with something witty or intelligent to say, but end up having our names check boxed with the rest and flushed out with the garbage.

ShaharThorne -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 3:27:41 PM)
I usually read every one of the cmails I get. I tend to ignore them unless it is a Dom nearby telling me about an event or someone who knows me. Speaking of which...the last one got the finger award...first time that it has happen. Stroke my interest and I will reply.

Fornica -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 3:30:44 PM)
OP~ the sheer amount of mail we receive is insane, esp in the first few days..your best bet is to get to know people on the forums, the other side is a bit of a clusterfuck.

ladynlord -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 3:39:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep I reply to any well-written message, even if just to say "thanks but I'm not interested for XYZ reasons." I wish more people took that effort, though I know it can also be a waste of time and set off a "WHY THE HELL NOT" tirade. But some of Us appreciate a polite declination, even if it is a cut and paste. At least they took the time to open and read something I took the time to write. BTW, not whining, just chiming! lol

kalikshama -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 3:48:16 PM)
quote: Hell! I'll give an example here: "Dear Xxxxxxxx; I thought your journal entry on the seeming inability of people to communicate without using text speak was spot-on. The fact that intelligent communication is being bludgeoned to death bothers the heck out of me, also. Kudos to you and keep the faith! Peace and comfort, ..." That DOES meet my criteria for well written and I would have responded!

DaddySatyr -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 4:06:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama That DOES meet my criteria for well written and I would have responded! Well, thank you. Now, could you go out and "educate" the female populace in some Quixotic-esque fashion? Peace and comfort, Michael

lizi -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 4:07:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I feel the OP's pain but, in a slightly different way. I know that, as ugly as I am and because of my lifestyle, that I am not everyone's cup of tea. I made my peace with that, a loooooong time ago. What irritates me is when something on someone's profile/journal/forum post strikes a chord with me and I message them, saying something along those lines ... Hell! I'll give an example here: "Dear Xxxxxxxx; I thought your journal entry on the seeming inability of people to communicate without using text speak was spot-on. The fact that intelligent communication is being bludgeoned to death bothers the heck out of me, also. Kudos to you and keep the faith! Peace and comfort, ..." Seems okay? How come the response I get most often (if I get one) is: "I'm not poly and I don't share"? Someone has taken the time to write something nice only to have the good vibe negated by someone that either can't read or is so arrogant that they think the *only* reason someone would communicate with them is to "hit on" them. That's depressing. Peace and comfort, Michael Michael, to be fair, I can't tell you how many freaking times it happens that someone wants to 'chat' with me about something and it turns out to be an attempt to get into my pants. Not really with men from the forums, but I can pretty much guarantee you that anyone who writes me from the profile side is trying somehow to get something from me. How do I know? Because I give them all a chance and almost every single damn time it's been a ruse, the seemingly kind or intriguing personal comment out of nowhere. Because I state on my profile that I have a relationship and am only here for friends, I dont get the usual load of mail from those looking, and anything I do get tends to be from forum users, or these types of things I am describing here. I'm sorry because I can see you are sincere here, please understand that you are DEFINITELY in the minority on this site. The women you write can read, and are not that arrogant. So many times I have responded to a seeming well intentioned comment with another of my own, and so on, and so on, till we finally get to the point for them where they do whatever to get sex or kink, and at that point I pull the plug. The women writing you seem to have had identical experiences to mine and are just shortening the process. I am being completely sincere here and I hope you understand that it happens an overwhelming percent of the time where messages like yours are bids for something else. A ploy, a ruse. This type of thing where someone is trying to sneak in under the radar is more disheartening to me than almost anything else because in the end I feel used. It's gotten so that I've gotten extremely jaded in my responses to non-forum men because I always expect them to finally reveal themselves as being the usual after I've invested some effort and have let down my guard. Every time hey disclose their true intentions it's like a kick in the pants and it makes me feel dirty yet again. Make of it what you will, but i'm telling you that I am willing to bet that my experience is not unusual. We aren't talking about a ton of letters here, just the odd one, but if its from a non-forum user and it's male I would pretty much take bets on how long it will take before the true intentions are disclosed.

popeye1250 -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 4:10:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl I get mail asking me if I want to chat. Delete. I get mail talking about how sexy I am. Delete. I get mail with words such as "u" "r" ect. Delete. I get mail asking if I want to meet someone local. Delete. I got one the other night asking me what I was doing up at 3 am. Answered. I get mail asking about something I posted. Answered. I get mail for information. Answered. The difference? Respect. My profile is there for a reason. If someone cant be bothered to read it all... and I know by the responses... Then why should I respond? Sheesh, all I get are messages from bi-guys asking if I'm "interested." NO I'm not. I think the problem is that there are too many guys in here. They shouldn't let in anymore until the ratio evens out.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 4:30:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Michael, to be fair, I can't tell you how many freaking times it happens that someone wants to 'chat' with me about something and it turns out to be an attempt to get into my pants. Not really with men from the forums, but I can pretty much guarantee you that anyone who writes me from the profile side is trying somehow to get something from me. How do I know? Because I give them all a chance and almost every single damn time it's been a ruse, the seemingly kind or intriguing personal comment out of nowhere. Because I state on my profile that I have a relationship and am only here for friends, I dont get the usual load of mail from those looking, and anything I do get tends to be from forum users, or these types of things I am describing here. I'm sorry because I can see you are sincere here, please understand that you are DEFINITELY in the minority on this site. The women you write can read, and are not that arrogant. So many times I have responded to a seeming well intentioned comment with another of my own, and so on, and so on, till we finally get to the point for them where they do whatever to get sex or kink, and at that point I pull the plug. The women writing you seem to have had identical experiences to mine and are just shortening the process. I am being completely sincere here and I hope you understand that it happens an overwhelming percent of the time where messages like yours are bids for something else. A ploy, a ruse. This type of thing where someone is trying to sneak in under the radar is more disheartening to me than almost anything else because in the end I feel used. It's gotten so that I've gotten extremely jaded in my responses to non-forum men because I always expect them to finally reveal themselves as being the usual after I've invested some effort and have let down my guard. Every time hey disclose their true intentions it's like a kick in the pants and it makes me feel dirty yet again. Make of it what you will, but i'm telling you that I am willing to bet that my experience is not unusual. We aren't talking about a ton of letters here, just the odd one, but if its from a non-forum user and it's male I would pretty much take bets on how long it will take before the true intentions are disclosed. I would be lying if I said that I had never messaged a lady, purely to comment on a profile/journal/forum post, received a response and in the course of corresponding with that lady, didn't have a moment where something changed. I'm not talking about the span of a few e-mails or IMing. I'm speaking of weeks or months of getting to know that person. It has happened and I'd be lying if I said it hasn't. I understand the deluge of e-mails that you ladies get from guys that have an agenda. I also understand that there certainly ladies who, after reading their profile, I have messaged them in an effort to "make an approach" because a good portion of that profile resonated with me. I am able to make sure (from my point of view) that my meaning is fairly clear in any message I send. It just gets a bit frustrating when the message is not an attempt to "make an approach" but a sincere desire to pay a friendly compliment or to spark a conversation with no intent of it going anywhere except to intelligent discourse. Peace and comfort, Michael

Blueyeddom76 -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 4:40:44 PM)
@lizi While I certainly I understand what you are saying and your frustrations, you have to realize that on a fetish based social/dating website, the topic of kink IS going to come up. I certainly am looking for something a lot more than just a casual thing, but the thing that draws us all here is our shared desires for the "abnormal". Couple that with the fact that you are talking with MEN. No matter how intelligent and witty we are, eventually our penis is going to take the wheel briefly. I would hope that if we'd stimulated you enough intellectually, you'll indulge us with discussing kinks. That doesn't mean that's ALL we want, necessarily, but that's why we all are here, to find someone who's proclivities are similar to our own. If I've misunderstood what you were trying to say, please correct me. Edit: damn phones

lizi -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 4:43:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I would be lying if I said that I had never messaged a lady, purely to comment on a profile/journal/forum post, received a response and in the course of corresponding with that lady, didn't have a moment where something changed. I'm not talking about the span of a few e-mails or IMing. I'm speaking of weeks or months of getting to know that person. It has happened and I'd be lying if I said it hasn't. I understand the deluge of e-mails that you ladies get from guys that have an agenda. I also understand that there certainly ladies who, after reading their profile, I have messaged them in an effort to "make an approach" because a good portion of that profile resonated with me. I am able to make sure (from my point of view) that my meaning is fairly clear in any message I send. It just gets a bit frustrating when the message is not an attempt to "make an approach" but a sincere desire to pay a friendly compliment or to spark a conversation with no intent of it going anywhere except to intelligent discourse. Peace and comfort, Michael Well, we're talking about different things. I was trying to give you a bit of perspective on why those women giving you the "No thanks, not into sharing or poly" comments were doing that. See, you seem to have friendly intentions from the start, wherever it leads after that is whatever. The ones I'm talking about have sex and kink intentions from the start, and when that is revealed it's just kind of a D'oh moment for me where i get mad at being drawn in again. I was trying to show you where your sincere desire to pay a compliment or start some discussion is being thwarted in part because of past experiences where the gentleman in question has done that with the express desire to have it lead elsewhere. You are running it seems into arrogant women, but I'm just saying in reality, they might have had similar experiences to mine where someone tries to fool them. For me it's happened so many times that it's the first thing I think of now if I get a letter that is seemingly innocent from a non-forum male.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 4:50:29 PM)
to lizi: I promise I do understand that. It's just a shame that some get tarred with the same brush as others. In common parlance, it's another form of prejudice that seperates people instead of bringing them together. It's negative energy and it sucks. Peace and comfort, Michael

lizi -> RE: Frustrated with site (12/9/2011 5:02:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blueyeddom76 @lizi While I certainly I understand what you are saying and your frustrations, you have to realize that on a fetish based social/dating website, the topic of kink IS going to come up. I certainly am looking for something a lot more than just a casual thing, but the thing that draws us all here is our shared desires for the "abnormal". Couple that with the fact that you are talking with MEN. No matter how intelligent and witty we are, eventually our penis is going to take the wheel briefly. I would hope that if we'd stimulated you enough intellectually stimulated you, you'll indulge us with discussing kinks. That doesn't mean that's ALL we want, necessarily, but that's why we all are here, to find someone who's proclivities are similar to our own. If I've misunderstood what you were trying to say, please correct me. We have had some misunderstanding, but it's all good. My previous long posts on this thread were about men who seemingly message with friendly intentions 'just to talk', who are in fact trying to get either sex or kink. It happens a lot, and it frustrates people like DaddySatyr who honestly just wants to talk with women sometimes and can't do that because they put their defenses up right away. Onto a completely different subject: BlueeyedDom- about your post above, I'd like to say here that I do not feel that the subject of this site in general means the topic of kink should come up inappropriately. If you check around on these forums you will see a good many of the women say that they find initial approaches from men containing sex and/or kink to be really clueless and less than tasteful. As you get to know someone- well sure, I'd hope you'd discuss it just like any other important subject. The general rule of thumb is if you would'nt approach a woman out in the 'real world' with a certain statement, then don't approach her here with it. You get to the more intimate discussions when it is clearer that there may be intimacy, just like in life. The penis approach isn't going to work out so well. This site and most adult sites have a shortage of women on it, the guys walking around with their penis out will find themselves out of luck. Women are women, even if they are kinky women. If they're on this site they haven't turned into men, they still tend to put people and relationships first, sex second. They're not as interested in kink or sex without being connected to the person, men are different. Therefore if you want a woman, coming in straightaway with sex/kink is almost always going to be a mistake because it turns women off like a faucet to be treated like a faceless delivery system for some guy she doesn't even know. I'm not saying you are doing this, I have no idea. I was however expanding on your post.

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