Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (Full Version)

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lildude81va -> Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 10:33:28 AM)

After reading countless profiles I am starting to wonder if there are any real dominant women at all. Seems that very few genuinely want a slave, let alone a live-in slave, but rather someone they can financially exploit in exchange for occasional play. Am I wrong for wanting a domme who cares about me and respects me? If all I wanted to is give someone money for the occasional play time I would go to a professional which would probably be cheaper on top of it. Working outside the home, while I'm perfectly capable of it and have done it for years, is not my definition of a true slave. I would be a slave to my employer and my relationship with my "owner" would merely be tied to my income. I want someone who respects me as a person, who I can serve full time by performing all the mundane chores around the house and fully dedicating my life to her. Guess maybe there is no such thing :-(



MissToYouRedux -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 10:38:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lildude81va

.... Guess maybe there is no such thing :-(



Possibly not; so what would your next choice be?

(A serious question, actually.)



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 10:41:56 AM)

I am off the TPE thing...might be interested someday but only if the relationship tends that way of its own volition.

It's fine to say that you're interested in being owned, but I am put off by the instaslaves.



DesFIP -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 10:57:29 AM)

In the modern world people need two incomes. Women still don't have wage parity with males so they have less money to support the household to begin with. Then let's add a second car, health insurance for you, a savings account for you. She'll be working two jobs to take care of you while you get to stay home. And you aren't even raising children who need full time care.

Right now all these women you think are fakes are working full time to support themselves and their children and doing all those mundane jobs before and after work and on weekends. They are accomplishing it all themselves. What can you add to their lives that they can't accomplish without you? Serious question. As is, how is it to be paid for?



lildude81va -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 10:58:00 AM)

I can see why you would take issue with what you refer to as instaslaves. Chances are that most instaslaves are simply trying to find a fix for their kink and are really only looking for a time-limited 24/7 scenario. I am not sure where that leaves me, I don't have the time or financial means to pursue my dream the proper way, yet I also understand that I would be taking a huge gamble in terms of my own happiness and personal safety. I have never been able to balance the lifestyle with vanilla life, it's always been either or, I find it very difficult to admit to my desires while functioning in a vanilla role. Maybe I am just too immature to fully come to terms with it, I don't know. All I know is that vanilla life has left me feeling unhappy to the point of not wanting to live and I feel a radical change is needed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am off the TPE thing...might be interested someday but only if the relationship tends that way of its own volition.

It's fine to say that you're interested in being owned, but I am put off by the instaslaves.



Abuserwanted -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:00:15 AM)

I think many of us do have the ideal fantasy of being a 24/7 slave, locked away in our comfy little cages when not in use for other reasons. But the problem in being this kind of slave in the real world is that economics tend to get in the way. There are few vanilla relationships these days in which both partners don't have to work in order to have a reasonable lifestyle; and I think the same generally applies to kink related relationships too. Its nice to dream of meeting a well-heeled dom/me who can afford to lock you away from the real world without needing your income to contribute to their lifestyle; but as one domme said to me once, 'Why should I go to work when my slave doesn't?' Keerist; a good dom/me is hard enough to find (Excuse the misquote Mae!) without them needing to be rich as well!

I think you have quite a nice profile; but sadly, I think you also need to accept that, unless you get luckier than the rest of us, you will still need to go out to some kind of work and pay the spondulicks over to your dom/me as part of the whole deal. That is, of course, if you're lucky enough to find a 24/7 position in the first place.

All the luck in the world anyway.



Abuserwanted -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:01:35 AM)

lol. I really should change that pic!



DarkSteven -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:03:04 AM)

There are some male Doms who have the 24/7 live in slavegirl fantasy but I usually consider them to simply have an unrealizable fantasy.  You're looking for the gender-bent version. 

I have read of some Dommes who tried it and concluded that the results weren't up to their standards.

"All I know is that vanilla life has left me feeling unhappy to the point of not wanting to live and I feel a radical change is needed. "

I'd suggest therapy rather than a Domme.





lildude81va -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:04:02 AM)

I am sorry for offending you. What you're saying seems to be that I'm a lazy free-loader who doesn't want to work and is looking to exploit someone financially just so I can fulfill my kinky desires. That's a very harsh statement, but when looked at objectively I cannot fight your conclusion, I do have very little if anything to offer in return.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

In the modern world people need two incomes. Women still don't have wage parity with males so they have less money to support the household to begin with. Then let's add a second car, health insurance for you, a savings account for you. She'll be working two jobs to take care of you while you get to stay home. And you aren't even raising children who need full time care.

Right now all these women you think are fakes are working full time to support themselves and their children and doing all those mundane jobs before and after work and on weekends. They are accomplishing it all themselves. What can you add to their lives that they can't accomplish without you? Serious question. As is, how is it to be paid for?




LillyBoPeep -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:05:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lildude81va

All I know is that vanilla life has left me feeling unhappy to the point of not wanting to live and I feel a radical change is needed.


I remember someone else who posted something similar (no, I'm not suggesting that you're the same person). If you're motivated to seek out a "swept-away-to-oblivion" relationship because you're depressed and you want to escape life, that's probably not healthy.
You should seek counseling, or maybe some kinky friendships you can express yourself to -- if you're in denial of something that you feel is very important, like your kinky/submissive side, then it can sometimes be frustrating to be unable to express that.

Do you have many friends? Do you have many friends who would understand?

Most Dominants of either sex don't want to provide a black hole for you to disappear into because you don't like your life. They want a vibrant person who is going to enrich their own lives.
Work on becoming that -- but do it for yourself -- do it to be happy.



Fornica -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:06:14 AM)

Seek therapy, not a Mistress. When you get to a healthy place, THEN do the relationship thing.



Lockit -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:06:25 AM)

lildude... I see two very different issues here. You don't want a financial dominant. Okay, got that. However you are having a difficult time finding a lifestyle dominant. After reading your profile... I can understand why. You have a lot of expectations which basically can become demands within your search. Your dominant must be this, that, this other thing and do this, that and the other thing.

You are wanting some very specific things and some of those things are hard to find even with a financial dominant.

You said some things that are key words to me. These things say to me... you have a concept of what it should be all about... you want to escape... you want a fetish delivery system and haven't a real clue about what a lifestyle type dominant would respond to. Read and learn. If it is about how you want it.. which to some point it will need to be and can be... but you don't know what makes a woman interested in a submissive or slave... because you are unrealistic... you are going to have problems and it isn't the dominant/pro's/whatever that is the real issue. You are all over the place. Calm down... get real... and realistic.



lildude81va -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:12:31 AM)

Thanks for the advice DarkSteven. I have tried therapy and medication and I can't say it did much for me, after a year of countless sessions with multiple therapists it came down to them terminating me as a client and committing me to a hospital. I don't consider myself crazy, I am a very rational person and seem to be at least intelligent enough to have it made through 4 years of college. The problem is that my thinking does not conform to society's standard but no amount of therapy or medication will change that, well, except for maybe a lobotomy, hah.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There are some male Doms who have the 24/7 live in slavegirl fantasy but I usually consider them to simply have an unrealizable fantasy.  You're looking for the gender-bent version. 

I have read of some Dommes who tried it and concluded that the results weren't up to their standards.

"All I know is that vanilla life has left me feeling unhappy to the point of not wanting to live and I feel a radical change is needed. "

I'd suggest therapy rather than a Domme.






LillyBoPeep -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:14:52 AM)

And lildude -- you say that you don't believe there are any real Dominant women because, basically, they don't want to own you the way you want them to -- you're attempting to define what "real Dominance" is, and many, many people find that very offensive.
Someone isn't "fake" just because they don't do things the way you want -- and isn't that a bit backwards? You want to exert control over your "Owner" in a way.
You are totally within your rights to define what type of relationship you're looking for, just don't expect everyone on earth to consent to being called "fake" for being different.



lildude81va -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:19:55 AM)

I apologize, it looks like I really upset a lot of people with my statements. I did not mean to, but I can see where you're coming from by saying that I am making a lot of demands without offering much. I will take my ad down, based on everybody's reactions it's obvious that I am in the wrong place and am doing this for the wrong reasons. Guess I just need to grow up and stop running away from my problems. Again, sorry for getting everybody worked up. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:36:58 AM)

I have moments where I want to make a fort under my dining room table. It wouldn't be a good long term solution, though.

Our Resident Sadist has a cool cage setup, and I know people who happily sleep/retreat in cages. All the time? A person's brain would rot! Literally, solitary confinement with no mental stimulation is BAD. Being ignored until you're needed gets old fast.

Most of us--nearly All of us--integrate kink with our real lives. Because it's part of our lives, not a hobby. Owning another person, taking responsibility for that person, is not something to do lightly.

Kink is not a replacement for therapy. Yes, some issues can be worked out via bdsm, but it's not a hiding place. Get your head straight. You are not that unique a snowflake.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:38:32 AM)

We are not "worked up", we're just talking.



Abuserwanted -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:38:46 AM)

Don't take this personally. People are only trying to offer genuine advice and guidance. It sounds as if you've had a tough time and are in a difficult place right now. Stick around and chat a little; it takes time to learn how to do his thing called bdsm anyway. It doesn't happen overnight.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:42:22 AM)

lildude, you don't really have to apologize, just understand that things maybe work differently in the real world than they do in your fantasies. That's all. No one's riled up, and if you stick around, read the forums, participate, etc., you might learn some things that really benefit you and the position you take towards the lifestyle.

Personally, I've never understood the allure of long-term caging. I definitely get it on short term, or as a "retreat zone," but being in there all the time? I like to be an active part of someone's life, I like to be around him. It's a companionship thing for me, and what good am I sitting in a cage all day?



lildude81va -> RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? (12/10/2011 11:46:09 AM)

It's hard not to take it personally. What was said is right, but it is also a judgement against my person, even if not intentional. I just can't help but think that there is no place for someone like me, I don't fit in anywhere. Sorry, didn't mean to get all whiney. Is there any way I can delete this thread? Let's just pretend I was never here.



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