Who i am. Now what is BDSM? (long post)

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Who i am. Now what is BDSM? (long post) - 5/29/2006 5:37:50 AM

Signal152

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Joined: 5/26/2006
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I have read threw a years worth of material, online in books anywhere i can get my hands on. And all i have found is a better understanding of what i look for in life. Up until my 21st birthday 2 years ago i never gave BDSM a thought and only knew it as some “perverted” side culture to sex. But as the 2 years went buy and i started looking more for a mate and less for a play toy i found that my tastes differed greatly from that or my friends. I want to find a mate that will look at me with respect and love but also for guidance, i want to be able to build a life that i have played out in my head, but to do that i need a female that will see me as the leader that i know i am and fallow my wishes without question. But even saying that i still have hopes that who ever i find will still hold a life all there own. Have there own likes and dislikes outside that of mine. Holding hobbies and friends beyond what i set for them. Is this possible in BDSM? As far as i heave read so far i can tell that there are a few extremes, slaves from birth, salves that hold no self worth or reason for existence beyond that of pleasing there masters. Is this what BDSM is all about? Or can it also have a more mellow face to it ? must i always have to tie my slave/sub down and inflect pain onto them or is that reserved for only certain events. there is a lot i still dont know and many more things that i know but still comfuse me.

When i first found BDSM it was during a search i had put threw on google after a nice little fantasy took hold of my mind. A helpless victim tied to a bed for me to do as i please with. But found that aside from the sex acts and the bondage BDSM was almost all about respect and love. Because to give yourself to someone mind body and soul without restraint takes a lot of respect and love and take control over someone takes a lot of confidence, self control, love and respect. Just the mere thought of a relationship built on that much respect and trust brought me here to the site.

I do not know if what i am looking for can be called BDSM or can be found here. But all i know is i have to keep trying and going deeper into this world to find out. This 23 year old male with dominant traits cant say for sure that this life is for him but i will never know unless i try...

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RE: Who i am. Now what is BDSM? (long post) - 5/29/2006 9:51:44 PM

xxmstrchasxx

Posts: 423
Joined: 5/9/2006
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Hello Signal152,

quote:

must i always have to tie my slave/sub down and inflect pain onto them or is that reserved for only certain events.

You really don't have to do anything except what you and your sub talk about and agrees to do. That is entirely up to you and your sub.

My suggestion to you is...just make sure you and your sub want the same thing. If one wants something and doesn't get it, then there might be a problem down the line.

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RE: Who i am. Now what is BDSM? (long post) - 5/31/2006 9:14:39 AM

johnnywacks

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/31/2006
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Just a few things I like to say to people "starting out".

1) There is no hard and fast definition for BDSM. There is a community of people, and a growing set of words and definitions in that community that are still evolving, as more and more people join in the conversation. My best advice: Don't get hung up on these crazy conversations about what people are SUPPOSED to be do. The people telling you what a "true" master or a "true" slave is supposed to be, are usually the people to avoid.  People will argue about the difference between Domination and Submission vs. Bondage and Discipline, etc. etc. This is not a sport or an athletic event. This is just people trying to resolve their own feelings, identities, and sexual fantasies. If you luck-out, you will hookup with somebody that wants what you want, and you will have a life together filled with a meaningful relationship to both of you. So don't worry about whether you are a "real" BDSM person or not. Because nobody is. It's just a stupid notion.
2) Learn how to negotiate what you want from a potential partner. This is the best advice I can give for ANYBODY in their 20's who are dating. Doesn't matter if it's BDSM or not. Good open and honest negotiation skills will actually make you look HOTTER to other people, and put them at ease with you.   Most people won't really ask for what they want in another person, for fear of being rejected (or being dubbed a pervert). But in BDSM it's very important, since there is usually some amount of give and take of physical control. And go slow. Most successful BDSM relationships (or any relationship really) is set of small steps and negotiations. You can't just expect somebody to "submit" everything to you on day one. It's all about establishing trust with each other.
3) Safety. Safety. Safety.  If you want to use ropes, than buy a cheap pair of emergency scissors. It's not that hard. There are plenty of good books and info all over the place, but it's usually a good idea to read about the risks of something before you try it.

Good luck.

(in reply to xxmstrchasxx)

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RE: Who i am. Now what is BDSM? (long post) - 5/31/2006 1:32:00 PM

ladyseekinglord

Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
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Welcome to CM. There is a wide variety of people here with various desires seeking many different things. I think it is possible to find what you seek, though it may take some time.

lady

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"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

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RE: Who i am. Now what is BDSM? (long post) - 5/31/2006 2:25:04 PM

xxmstrchasxx

Posts: 423
Joined: 5/9/2006
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johnnywacks,

Welcome to you too!

Good to have you here.

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XxMasterChasxX

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