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MHOO314 -> RE: Military Advice and Opinions Welcome (5/30/2006 6:37:46 AM)
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First of all, let Me say, I like coming here, its like the house in the neighborhood where the screen door is always open, the coffee pot is never empty and there is room for one more at the kitchen table.
Your insights and advice have been very valuable, these posted here and the pirvate ones sent to Me---more valuable than you know---so here is where we are to clarify a few things and to let you know how we proceed from here--
quote:
You're a dominant, so do what you need to do, MH.
You are right Level, a Dominant controls with strict guidance and discipline tempered with patience, tenderness and compassion. Though he is not a submissive, nor My submissive, these are the traits I use to manage My home.
quote:
He could use some male bonding. Guys to play basketball, go fishing. A house full of woman is--- ---------how do I say---- a male gets disinterested in talk about hairdye curtains, make up, girl talk.
smiles, I did have to laugh at this one pahunkboy with all due respect, I work in international marketing, My daughter and I raise, train and ride horses, are in the beginning stages of building that into a business, she is an honor role student taking a research course this summer, add to that gardening etc--our conversations are centered around international business, current affairs, horse shows and breeding--(horses! stop that..) and are avid Carolina Hurricane Fans--we have little time and can't remember the last time we discussed hair dyes, make-up, or the curtains! LOL--However, your advice about getting him out and about is indeed duly noted and one I encourage---I am off with My teen this weekend to a week in Orlando for a work show and since he now has a car he got, paid for and is now all road legal, we have introduced him to some guys his age we know, I think he will try his proverbial wings this weekend. Again, good advice, oh and uhm, just a note, girls do talk of other things ya know---hugs.
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Maybe you can help him to find the next meaningful thing in his life?
Keep a sharp eye out as to what interests him, what talents he may have that you can encourage. At the present time, the military is very much in the public mind, for good and ill. It is an easy tap for him, into something important. Make something else important, that he might be good at.
But you can only do so much. If he doesn't do his part. Walk away.
snipped from Kedikat
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I think it can be human nature to want to be a part of something "meaningful", and it's kind of sad that he feels that he's been a part of nothing meaningfull since.
snipped from spankmepink
The words of meaningful ring true and brought about a deep conversation last night with him, yes, we all. even all of us here, want to feel a sense of community, a belonging, a tether to the good things---that tether may even be to the "what once was" until we can find new footing--he arrived here March 17 off the bus after 20 hours, two days later all his possessions arrived in 5 boxes--model cars to his beloved samurai sword- and very few clothes-the first night he slept here was the first time he had slept in a real bed in almost a year--some of his prized possessions got ruined by water and rain in the last house he shared ( he got the couch, when the house wasn't filled with others).
He made some bad choices on those intervening years--nothing that will scar him for life, but things that slowed him down a tad in his growth--he is boy that never got a chance to play and the beginnings of the man trying to find himself---he has a good job with a good company--making more money a week than he ever has in his life--I got the lead--but HE had to sell himself in the interview--he likes it alot and they really like him--one step closer to the man he wants to be and one step farther from what he was.
Two weeks ago as My beloved Magick was tethered, I gave the boy a brush--one shaky hand started brushing--(I don't think he let out a breath the whole time)--later that day he was put in My horse--we led him around the arena--he had never been close to a horse let alone had any chance to ride--he now has dreams of having his own.
This weekend, I got them the traditional smoke bombs for the holiday--the "little boy" had a blast with My teen---again things he had never done--this weekend we had access to My friends pool, he got his first lessons at swimming-( he needs ear plugs though)--
Last night, he emptied the dishwasher, cooked the corn on the cob, cleared the table and put out the trash--things that he only dreamed of once as he was ushered from couch to couch--things we take for granted--( and he never leaves the toilet seat up!)--so when he does go out on his own he will be well trained for some woman---<smiles>--he now has dreams--a house in the country, something small, college, a horse--a home for his daughter he left behind--a future--all things we take for granted.
and our talk was of new "meaningful things", new "meaningful moments" and new validation of himself through his eyes--not through the eyes of anyone else--he's insecure and scared as hell--but more determined to face it--
So yes, I am a Dominant and I will do what I do, continue to control with strict guidance and discipline tempered with patience, tenderness and compassion.
...ooh and remember he needs guy time too.
as always My deepest thanks for making room for Me at the kitchen table.
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