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ladyseekinglord -> RE: this sub is feeling insecure (5/30/2006 2:51:46 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Don't invest anything in a relationship until you have met the person face to face. He may be busy on the weekend or he may have played you for as long as he cares to and now is making an exit. Until you've looked into someone's eyes, keep cool, exchange information and keep your emotions in check.
Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.
Wise words. I have allowed myself to become emotionally invested with someone I have not met a few times now, over the course of many conversations and phone calls. It has never worked out, and I vow not to do it again. And then, damnit, I go an do the same thing again.. but just to a lesser degree. I must be insane. :)
I told the last one I would not get invested until we met. We continued to talk, and he urged me not to treat him as if he were like all other men. Once again, I allowed myself to become somewhat invested, and low and behold, he disappeared. DUH!
It really upsets me that men who are supposedly dominant to not have the F'ing balls or courage to end things in a respectful adult way. But, what upsets me more, is my own stupidity in allowing it to happen.
I'm always reaching for self-knowledge, and I think I've concluded that I have this problem for these reasons. I really am a romantic optimist and want to see the good and possibilities in all things. I don't want to be jaded or judge others based on past experiences/mistakes. Its the "love like you've never been hurt" thing. Also, I think my fears in the past have caused me to distance myself from others, and I don't want this to continue. So I allow myself to get confused. I think "he sounds wonderful. Yes, I don't want to get involved without face to face. But what if he is my match and I blow it because of my fear?"
If someone can explain to me how an otherwise intelligent woman can be so ignorant and gullible when it comes to her heart, I'd be greatly appreciative.
Also, as far as not trusting until you've had disagreements goes - I can completely see the wisdom in that. Part of relationships is damage, and then repair. It is the repairing, and continuing the relationship that makes it stronger. Many people do not get past the "damage" stage. They just give up. My deepest friendships are those where we have had disagreements/arguements/problems and were able to come together with the honest desire to get through it. Now we have the knowledge that we can go through anything together, and still love each other and survive. That is powerful.
lady
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