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RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/30/2006 11:37:35 AM

gentlethistle

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

crystal

I feel insecure about all sorts of things, frequently, so I can empathise with how unsettling this weekend must have been. I also spent a long while not being able to meet someone for the first time, but somehow I got over it and took a chance.

I'm probably unusual in these forums in not thinking that online is 'unreal' and only offline is 'real'. I have known a number of people online that I consider to be very close to me -- some of them I've never met offline, and some that I have. People are people...and there are different ways of interacting in different environments. People don't become 'unreal' when they go scuba diving...but their scope for communicating and interacting is certainly very different from above water....so too, in different ways, with online communication. People can lie and fake with someone they've lived with for years...how else do bigamists get away with it? I think that people even have the capability to lie to themselves...

But...to your original question....if this man resurfaces and fixes a time for you to meet him in a safe, public place and seems happy for you to let a friend know where and when you are seeing him. And you still want to meet him and see what you have together (or not). Then try it. You can always walk away after the first cup of coffee. And if it 'feels wrong' when you meet him, then I hope you will walk.

On the other hand, if he keeps on telling you that he wants a meeting but somehow fails to ever set one up (not just a temporary change of plans because something has intervened)....then that probably speaks for itself. The sea. Fish. Plenty more (allegedly).

Whatever happens, I wish you luck.

Laura

(in reply to crystalamber)

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Post #: 21

RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/30/2006 2:51:46 PM

ladyseekinglord

Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Don't invest anything in a relationship until you have met the person face to face. He may be busy on the weekend or he may have played you for as long as he cares to and now is making an exit. Until you've looked into someone's eyes, keep cool, exchange information and keep your emotions in check.

Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.

Wise words. I have allowed myself to become emotionally invested with someone I have not met a few times now, over the course of many conversations and phone calls. It has never worked out, and I vow not to do it again. And then, damnit, I go an do the same thing again.. but just to a lesser degree. I must be insane. :)

I told the last one I would not get invested until we met. We continued to talk, and he urged me not to treat him as if he were like all other men. Once again, I allowed myself to become somewhat invested, and low and behold, he disappeared. DUH!

It really upsets me that men who are supposedly dominant to not have the F'ing balls or courage to end things in a respectful adult way. But, what upsets me more, is my own stupidity in allowing it to happen.

I'm always reaching for self-knowledge, and I think I've concluded that I have this problem for these reasons. I really am a romantic optimist and want to see the good and possibilities in all things. I don't want to be jaded or judge others based on past experiences/mistakes. Its the "love like you've never been hurt" thing. Also, I think my fears in the past have caused me to distance myself from others, and I don't want this to continue. So I allow myself to get confused. I think "he sounds wonderful. Yes, I don't want to get involved without face to face. But what if he is my match and I blow it because of my fear?"

If someone can explain to me how an otherwise intelligent woman can be so ignorant and gullible when it comes to her heart, I'd be greatly appreciative.

Also, as far as not trusting until you've had disagreements goes - I can completely see the wisdom in that. Part of relationships is damage, and then repair. It is the repairing, and continuing the relationship that makes it stronger. Many people do not get past the "damage" stage. They just give up. My deepest friendships are those where we have had disagreements/arguements/problems and were able to come together with the honest desire to get through it. Now we have the knowledge that we can go through anything together, and still love each other and survive. That is powerful.

lady

_____________________________

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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Post #: 22

RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/30/2006 2:58:41 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyseekinglord

It really upsets me that men who are supposedly dominant to not have the F'ing balls or courage to end things in a respectful adult way. But, what upsets me more, is my own stupidity in allowing it to happen.

*snip*

If someone can explain to me how an otherwise intelligent woman can be so ignorant and gullible when it comes to her heart, I'd be greatly appreciative.

Lady,

I assure you that it's not just dominant men that do this sort of thing. As a fem dom, I see this quite often from submissive men. I've learned to be very aloof and non-committal until there is significant ground traversed with a person. I explain to them what will happen and why. As humans, we hopefully learn from experience and should make efforts to improve our path, not use what we've learned as an excuse not to continue in a forward direction.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to ladyseekinglord)

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Post #: 23

RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/30/2006 3:57:45 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.

Best advice ever............................................................

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 24

RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 6/6/2006 5:08:42 PM

shygirldesires

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

ladyseekinglord

lady..... may i ask where you got this quote from?? off topic, sorry...
.......back to the scheduled topic

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

_____________________________

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to ladyseekinglord)

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Post #: 25

RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 6/7/2006 7:23:14 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OhBeMyMind
Forgive me...but why oh why is this not basic common sense?

When it is the first time or one of the first times meeting someone, hard to predict what to expect and how it will go, so emotions may go rapant on its own. After a relationship or two, or after a few such meet ups, become use to it and not invest any emotions until something actually happens with the person your meeting. Well, how I got over it.

-mellian

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)

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Post #: 26

RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 6/8/2006 7:47:57 PM

TrainMeSir

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

100% in agreement, lady....worse, that we DID meet, after alot of online/phone talk........then he strung me along, a phone call here and there, but tonight it's very apparent, he wants nothing more from me. BE HONEST, GENTLEMEN/GENTLELADIES! There is always a sting in rejection, but the more vague you are, the more you drag it out, the worse the sting. Don't call yourself compassionate, caring, or even Dominant if you don't have the guts to be honest. Once again, i find myself the stronger one.

Dammit, lol

Hang in there, and know.....it's all just life. Best wishes!

(in reply to ladyseekinglord)

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Post #: 27