CraveRigorousUse
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The first dominant man I ever spoke with was, at the time, the most powerful man I have ever known. He turned out to be a monster and a coward in the end, but in my eyes, and on many levels, he will always be the dominant by which all others will be judged - he changed my life.
It has been years, and I can still recall the way my jaw clenched, and ears wrenched, at hearing the words no one had ever dared speak to me, or made me speak out-loud about myself. I miss him every single day, just as much as I am so glad to be free of him. Regardless, he left me in the middle of what he promised; I am truly interrupted.
He told me that one day I would be begging to be beaten. I was such a fool to have gasped.
Now, I may have the chance to have it, by a man who is just as powerful, if not more so. I'm nervous, and question myself every day, but know that the nervousness is as disingenuous as a fake 'thank you', and the questioning is futile. It's just the old fears and residual imbedded norms and rules of society, men and women, and was all put to bed as bullshit the day I realized I truly am a slut and a slave.
I know that I would stay with this man for as long as he allowed me to. Just like I would have for that first man who took from me the only thing I had left about myself that was mine - the illusion that I was better than I am, or have been thus far.
They both know what I am, these monsters of sorts. They know what I'm good for, and both of them, as if reading from a script that was written two years ago this month, know exactly what to say to me, and just how to say it. They speak a language that paves my frayed and worn neuropathways with such a fresh batch synapses that I could probably roller-skate on them.
I hope, with all that my little torn and taped heart can muster, that I am able to get what I want from this man. I pray to whatever gods and goddesses watch over the subs and sluts and whores and slaves, that this one, this new one, keeps his promise; the one he made to me when he said that he was a dominant man, and that he wanted to beat me.
< Message edited by CraveRigorousUse -- 12/17/2011 2:47:46 AM >
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The Promise of a Beating - 
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