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littlesubjess -> A Little Humour ... (5/29/2006 12:29:01 PM)
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what not to say to Master
Pushing limits does not mean making Master so angry the
vein above his right eye throbs.
"Quit it!" "Ow, damnit!" "I'm hiding that toy when you go
to work tomorrow" and cursing a blue streak are not safe
words.
"Oh my god, where did you get those, they are gorgeous!!!"
is not considered boot worship.
"Ya want fries with that?", "Want me to drink it for you
too?" are not appropriate remarks when Master gives you an
elaborate drink order.
Flipping your dominant off while your hands are cuffed
behind your back is a bad idea. Owners have ways of
knowing these things.
Putting lube, goop, Superglue, ink or any other substance
that will sully the hands of Master on his toys while
setting up for a session is not a good idea.
Kicking that toy you hate far under the bed is futile.
Master will only secure your wristcuffs to your anklecuffs
and make you crawl for it... repeatedly.
"Bite me" is never an intelligent response to a command.
Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire,
fire, fire!" during Master's lecture on fireplay safety is
considered rude.
Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial
Weenie" is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are
comfortable during a bondage scene.
Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while
Master practices his Japanese rope work on you will try
his patience, quickly.
Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while your
dominant is discussing your punishment is not wise.
There is no such thing as slave immunity, free slave day,
or the pms defense.
The slave jury might not convict you, but the Dom judge
will override the verdict. Count on it.
Pretending Master's collection of buttplugs are toys and
singing the "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down" song
is not a good idea.
Repeatedly blowing out each candle Master lights during
wax play will get you punished.
Checking Master's head for the 666 symbol after a harsh
punishment will only get you more of the same, or worse.
"I know you are but what am I?" is not the appropriate
response when called a raunchy little whore during
humiliation play.
Using the spreader bars, paddles or canes for the
fireplace is not a good plan.
"Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me" is an
unacceptable remark when Master's flogger slips.
When Master pulls out his bullwhip and says he wants to
play, he doesn't mean hide-and-seek...he will find you
eventually.
Calling Merry Maids when you are ordered to spruce the
place up is not what your dominant had in mind.
"Faster, faster, we need a new Master" is NOT the song to
sing during a session.
"Oh, and you think I am?" is an unacceptable response to
hearing your dominant say he is not pleased.
During a play party is not the time to do your hilarious
imitation of Igor and hunch over, moaning "Yes, Master"
when ordered to fetch something.
Adding "Sir" or "Master" to "Fuck that plan!" will not
save you.
Singing the chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do
Better" under your breath during a session is considered
foolhardy.
Arguing whether "Master might not be right, but Master is
never wrong" is Zen or Buddhist philosophy will only get
you rewarded with kneeling in the corner on a bed of
Legos "to help you consider the question in quiet
contemplation."
Reciting nursery rhymes during an interrogation scene to
crack your Owner up only lasts for so long. Then you will
pay BIG.
Asking "Is that as HARD as you can hit??" is considered a
cry for help amongst submissive suicide prevention
workers.
jess xxx
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