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Feedback on some short stories appreciated :-) - 12/19/2011 6:45:13 PM   
FrenchDom4U


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/14/2011
Status: offline
Hi,

I wrote a few scenarios (more on my journal). They are not very detailed but I'd appreciate feedback and suggestions :-)

Best wishes



Story 1:


"We're taking the car", I told her on the phone, "wear a short dress and be ready in 15 minutes" I said as I was coming down the pike. I arrived at her place and buzzed her to come downstairs. She arrived promptly. You could see on her face that she wasn't sure what to expect.


I was driving north on route 2, then I turned into Concord on a small route that I knew to be seldom travelled, leading to a small pond. I stopped the car, and went to the passenger's side to open the door for her. "Thank you", she said, "it's very considerate".


"I'll show you some consideration, my dear", I said, as I opened the door, made her stand up and bend over, her arms on the front seat. I pulled her dress up and her panties down. Her white cheeks were feeling the cold air and shivering a little. "Don't peep a word", I said. "You're not so proud now, are you?"


She nodded coyly but stuck her butt out, as she was looking for her punishment.


I looked around and quickly found my perfect weapon, a branch from a young tree, flexible and strong. A quick lash on her butt surprised her and she tried to cover her butt with her hands.


"What did I tell you before?" I said. "Don't move". She stuck her butt out again. This time, I gave her several lashes. This improvised whip was actually very effective. Quickly her butt was red, lacerated, and she was ready for more. I opened her corset and revealed her breasts. I pinched her tits and pulled them until they were red. Then I sit in the back of the car, pulled her over me and spanked her with a paddle. Several times and she was begging for mercy. So I used my hand to calm her. Her butt was burning intensely under my hand. I caressed her clit and her asshole then I finished my lesson with a butt plug.


I let her back in the car. She could hardly sit and her face was grimacing as I was making the car hopping on purpose. I stopped in front of her apartment, letting her free.


"Send me the pictures", I told her. She nodded sheepishly as she said "Thank you". I smiled as I watched her climb the stairs with difficulty.






Story 2:


We have an appointment at my work place. You arrive, go through security at the lobby where I come to meet you. We get in and get a tea or coffee at the cafeteria, chatting about your day. I offer to show you my new computer downstairs so we take the elevator to the basement of the building.


Once in the basement, we go sit in front of this new computer. We log into your gmail account and show me some naughty pictures of yourself. Really naughty pictures there, what a bad girl you are, so that's how you like to treat yourself...

I tell you to follow me, we're going back to the lobby. You're thinking you're leaving, that it wasn't too bad, but on the way out, I open the door of a men's bathroom and tell you to get in. You don't dare saying no. I lock the door behind us.

"Put your hands on the sink, stand straight and don't move", I say.

"Don't say anything, not a word", I add.

My hands touch your body slowly. First your back, your shoulders, your arms. You tremble a little. Then I grope your breasts. You moan a little when I pinch your tits.

"What did I say? Are you listening?" I tell you.

I fondle your ass, I find your pants' button in the front and unzip them. I take them down and look at you.

I take your panties down to your knees, you tremble some more. I feel your butt is getting tense so I grab it firmly, a little tap on the left cheek, a little tap on the right cheek.

I take something in my pocket, put it in your hand and ask you to open it. You're not sure what it is at first but you quickly realize it's a tampon. You unwrap it and give it back to me.

"Open your legs", I say. You obey straight away and stick your vulva out. I insert the tampon in your vagina. It goes straight up.

I let the strings hanging out as I pull your panties up and your pants too. I tell you to follow me as we exit the bathroom and go back to the lobby. "Don't forget to send me a picture", I tell you before you leave. The security guard has no idea what it refers to, but your vagina does.
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RE: Feedback on some short stories appreciated :-) - 12/20/2011 5:47:33 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
Sorry, this sounds more like someone negotiating the dry narrative of a paid phone-sex call than erotica to me. There is no spark of emotion or connection between the characters. And, I assume you're not a woman. Tampons are made to feel unnoticeable to the wearer; that's why they are so popular for active women. In my 53 years I've never met or heard of a single woman who finds them erotic. Sounds like it's more your fetish.

Enjoy your fantasies, but keep your day job. Good luck to you.



< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 12/20/2011 5:50:25 PM >

(in reply to FrenchDom4U)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Feedback on some short stories appreciated :-) - 1/29/2012 12:02:25 AM   
Clickofheels


Posts: 603
Joined: 10/23/2011
Status: offline
I found them very dry as well....

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 3
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